Any negative sides of HS? - Page 2

[Lillian J]

Originally Posted by mackysmama

the time on the internet researching curriculums, styles, etc. can get a bit overwhelming.

Although, keep in mind that a lot of us were quite happily homeschooling before people had access to an Internet. After we'd been homeschooling for a while, I got onto AOL - they had a small homeschooling forum where people compared notes. AOL eventually added a www feature where you could get out into a broader connection to Internet sites, but there wasn't really much out there anyway - the best resource at the time was AOL, and it cost over $4 and hour beyond the basic fee, so it added up lickety split.

At one point, we got a software program called "Internet In a Box," and it had a browser called Mosaic - but there wasn't much to browse! And the dial up speeds were much slower than anyone today can even begin to imagine - so it was all pretty useless.

I'm not sure things have improved all that much with the Internet. People are faced with a lot more overwhelm these days over something that really isn't that complicated. People don't need styles and methods - they just need a few resources for helping their children learn some basics, and lots of shared enthusiasm and curiosity for learning more and more about all sorts of other things. As someone wrote in a post I read somewhere around here today, a child who learns how to learn is on his way - things don't need to be spoon fed or led. What's really a thrill is to get out of the way and watch a child become her own best teacher - it's mind boggling.

And I've got to get back to cleaning - I move out Sunday. I'm really looking forward to seeing my son shortly after that and hearing about all his learning adventures since I've seen him last. Lillian

[Cajunmomma]

There are some things that it is harder to find. My teenagers are very interested in theatre, so not having a school play makes finding opportunities for them harder.

Really, there haven't been many major problems. I have two in college right now, and neither of them has had any bad things to say about homeschooling.

[3momkmb]

Everything is going to have a downside, homeschooling has some *cons*, but for us school has many more. That being said there are a few things I'd change if I could.

Time/money/gas spent on extracurriculars/classes. My kids could do sports for free (yes free) if they were in school. Now, even if they were to make the teams, I would have to get them to practice and we are on the total other end of town. DD likes cheerleading and that involves an all-star squad, the closest one is 1/2 hour away plus fees. As it stands both are now dancing, which is not terribly expensive but also pretty far away. I know that DD would never have had time to do all the things she's done if she was in school so it wouldn't be an issue. Also, things like art and PE would be covered in school and since my kids took the bus to school I wouldn't have to pay to get them there or pay for the services themselves (which again aren't hugely expensive but...).

Finding support for me and the kids. Not really socialization, but kinda. It easy to find things for them to do with other kids, it's not so easy to find them a *tribe*. Poor DD is really struggling since a lot of the kids in our homeschool group are going back to school . She did just meet up with a girl from dance that we know previously from a Spanish class so hopefully that will click. I have found the easiest way to handle this is to not limit ourselves to hsers, but all of these contacts cost $$. I am also finding it hard to find people I click with, but then again I never did with the parents of the other kids in school either LOL! Again, possible, it just takes more effort and $$


Scheduling those appointments you need to be alone for. Like pap smears My kids are old enough now to wait in the waiting area for me but when they were little it was a problem. Long appointments are still an issue because DS has trouble sitting still for hours in a waiting room and I don't like sending them (he and DD) outside without an adult.

That's really all I can think of. My kids are older (9,12,14) so I don't have the *me* time issues. They all have their own things they do so I get plenty of time to do mine. I actually enjoy the planning and picking of curriculum and all that so that's not a con for me either.

Really, despite the *cons* there are many more pros. I really love hsing and it's a joy for me :

[mammal_mama]

I honestly don't see a downside. I do have some very stretching challenges. My 8yo is very extraverted, and likes frequent get-togethers with friends. As others have mentioned, this means I need to keep making calls and planning stuff.

And networking, and getting to know new families we meet at the park, church, and other places. I need to keep doing it even on the rare occasions when dd's friend-tank seems full, because we live in such a mobile society.

While this is stretching for me, it's also fun.

[neveryoumindthere]

Same as a few other posters:

-I don't get a break daily/not much time to myself
-Finding childcare for appts, outings etc.
-No other homeschoolers around

[ontheroad]

I had to really search to find something “negative” about hs’g – and came up basically with one: my own self-doubts about whether I’m doing “enough”, doing it “right”, which does happen with me from time to time. But I feel that’s only because I have had to work on shedding the ps mentality of what “schooling” “should” be – as defined by our public schools.

The second “negative” would be finances. I’m a single mom, so for me it’s really hard to make enough money from home to cover my son’s activities (travel, basically).

Other than those, I could make a rather lengthy list of all the reasons FOR hs’g! LOL!

[saintmom]

The downside to the ps here (poorly funded,overcrowded,dangerous,14 identified gangs) far out weighed any typical hs negatives.

Yes I'd like to have more me time.What mom wouldn't?I'd also like to win the lottery.:

I have found it's what you make it.If you think it's gonna be hard it will.If you think your kids should "do" school from 9-3 their probably gonna hate it.If you can wrap your brain around the idea of everything being an opportunity to learn something,provide the tools and environment,then stand back and let your kids have at it with minmal adult direction you'll find your life and theirs filled with great joy.

The socialization issue?It's pretty much an artificial construct to begin with.Where else do you find people spending eight hours a day sitting next to people all with the same birth year?IMHO it's nuts to begin with,creates negative peer dependancy and a host of other less than desireable human traits like bullying.

I'm obviously biased,but honestly I really don't think any child should have to leave home every day until they're somewhere around 15-16,and even then someplace like the local cc where they can take college level or vocational courses.At least on that level the material is more intresting and not dumbed down.

[CharlieBrown]

Originally Posted by Channelle

I plan on HS one day (even though my partner is adamant that private school is best since that is what he did), and I devour this part of the forum, but I hear only great and positive and wonderful things about HSing, are there any negative sides? Any thing to watch out for?

We withdrew our children from private school to home school.

[LovemyBoo]

When my dd inevitably drops the "F" bomb I can no longer blame it on "those darn kids on the bus and the playground".

[3momkmb]

Originally Posted by LovemyBoo

When my dd inevitably drops the "F" bomb I can no longer blame it on "those darn kids on the bus and the playground".

Yah...that...LOL!

[ajv]

thank you so much

thanks for the replies. thanks. thanks.

[phathui5]

The lack of free childcare. There have been days where dd was been really whiny and I've seriously considered begging local preschools to take her 2-3 days a week even though she'll be five. I don't think I'd actually do it, but it can be appealing.

Advice: Line up a good mother's helper or babysitter for when you need a break. Even if they just come play with the kids when you're home, it can be a sanity saver.

[lauracd]

Originally Posted by mackysmama

no time to myself and it's a big ordeal to find childcare (no family here to help us). this is a big one for me right now - sometimes I'd like to take a nice long shower without having someone stick their lego creation in for me to look at.

Can I just say you made my day with that comment. I can't stop laughing. I so agree 200% with that sentiment.

On a serious note: Wish you were in our city. We have families in our group of all kinds. I hate that so many families who aren't made up of a "traditional" mom/dad composite feel so unwelcome in the hs community. That's really not right.

[MamaMonica]

A downside for me is the lack of structure. I am terrible at creating structure- I'm very right-brained and have lots going at once. I have no natural organizational skills (all learned and some not very well).

This is not a negative for some kids. If it were just me and dd, this would work fabulously. But ds needs everything to have a sequence and structure or all heck breaks loose.

[4evermom]

Our biggest challenge is finding other people to do things with. Ds is a bit of an extrovert. I've worked hard at finding a niche for 2 1/2 years. We have a couple new friends who are in school so not available much (and not even in the neighborhood) and a couple other people we go to playgrounds with once in a while. I'd love if there were a local weekly parkday but there isn't and no one came more than once when I tried starting one. The local homeschoolers seem to only want to do things that will be an "opportunity" for their kids, nothing unstructured.

[warriorprincess]

I live in an area that's rainy and chilly much of the year, and even though we spend 2-3 hours a day on book stuff, the struggle over NOT spending the rest of the day attched to a screen drives me nuts.

Also, the "since you're home anyway" thing. I get this from people who both agree and disagree with homeschooling "Since you're home anyway...can my kid spend his inservice day with you? Can you run me to the airport? Wait for my package? Cook and clean like mom did?"

[meowmix]

Originally Posted by heket

For us, it's childcare. I wohm, dh is a college student who was taking night courses, but most courses now offered are during the day. We are currently deciding how we want to tackle this as we use to just trade off on school nights.

However, it does present a problem for us in the long term. What kind of care will we be able to line up for the kids while we work? Despite working outside of our home, I would still like to homeschool them. It would probably take a while for me to transition from full to part time work.

For us, this became an issue as well, except I SAH but want to go back to college full time (I am part time now), and we decided to put my kids back in school. I LOVED : homeschooling, but I am also not anti public school. I decided I really wanted to go back to school full time and my husband wants to continue his education after me.

Some of the positives about homeschooling during our year were just that I love spending time with my kids. We have fun together- I never really wished for "me time" and never felt like I needed a day off, though I did need an occasional evening with my husband and we had a babysitter for that. I only got one negative comment from the cashier at a grocery store who cut our conversation short when she found out I homeschooled.

The negatives for me was the amount of effort it took to connect to people. I felt like I was always driving around for classes, scouring magazines/websites for things to take. Homeschooling classes tended to be christian centered and other ones were always after school hours and during rushhour I would have to sit in. My children had less freedom to pick and choose their friends because the homeschool environment is small. It was a different dynamic than our year of public school with kids playing with kids, parents being chatty but totally willing to drop off kids for a playdate, etc. I found homeschoolers were hard pressed to get together personally.. it had to be a group or learning opportunity and I can do those on my own fine. I also worried about music/second language learning and affording those classes along with the hobbies they wanted to do, etc. That, plus homeschooling supplies, while not being as expensive as private school, really added up!

But I loved homeschooling (so please don't be critical because we're giving ps another try! ) and I do see us possibly returning to it in the future.

[greenthumb3]

Originally Posted by Collinsky

For me personally, it's the total lack of downtime. I've been in and around this for long enough to not sweat the other stuff (although the MIL thing bugs me!) but when what you want for Mother's Day is "two hours to clean the house without interruption" ... you know you need to change something!

I totally identify with this!! And we are just beginning this life at home saga...sigh.

Get used to having a *really* not-Martha Stewart house. If you are a person who needs order and cleanliness, either train your kids to tidy up, hire help, or change your mindset. Or a combination of all three There is a huge difference between my friend's home who send her kids away during the day, and mine.

Also, there needs to be a designated spot to leave interrupted projects out, other than the kitchen table (because you'll want to eat on it sometimes). The piano top has Legos on it currently and every other flat space, higher than baby's reach, has dinosaur models and other projects.

I guess, depending on one's inclinations and habits, these could be downsides. They require patience and creativity, for sure.

ETA: One way to problem-solve the childcare/friends issue actually hits two birds with one stone. Make friends with at least one other family. Invite them over for the kids to play and get to know the other mom. Trade watching the kids for each other if she seems open to this, Give it time, and grow trust, and good things can happen. This has saved my sanity over the past 2 years. If there are two other families you know and trust, make a little babysitting co-op where you can trade sitting with each other. I've done this, too, and it's been great. Check out babysitterexchange,com for a free online way to keep track of hours and communicate with your group. (Not a paid service announcement, I promise!)

[onlyzombiecat]

My dd has always been homeschooled so I don't have a comparison of how our life would be different. Private school is not an option in our area. Obviously pros outweigh any cons or I would not be doing this.

Some family members have reacted very negatively to our decision to homeschool. I think the negative response can be hard for some to deal with. Most people are positive or neutral about it though.

Until dd is a teenager I don't feel comfortable working so we only have 1 income and I am out of the workforce longer. I do thinking working and homeschooling is possible though so even though it isn't really for me it may be for you.

We have chosen to buy a curriculum so homeschooling costs us money. If we sent dd to private school it might cost as much or more though. My budget so far has been $500 or less per year. Some people spend more and some people spend less.

Finding secular curriculum can be challenging sometimes. If you want to hs secular then you might have to buy from a company that isn't totally secular and adapt. If you don't feel comfortable buying from a company that has religious views or supports religious groups that you don't agree with then you might have to look harder.

Sometimes things you choose to use do not work out and you have to try something different. This can be positive and negative. In a school situation your dc will likely have to use the curriculum even if it isn't the best fit for them. It can be frustrating trying to find something that is the best fit for your dc. I think it is worth it though.

Not having the same schedule as the rest of the world. Sometimes this is nice and other times it is a PITA.

Focus on school everywhere. Places like the library have a tremendous focus on the public school schedule. There is the yearly back to school bombardment. Media almost exclusively presenting school to children... the rare homeschooler is often stereotyped.

Not having a support group nearby. We live in a small town and most people send their children to the one ps.

[freestyler]

This is a very timely thread for me, it's really been on my mind!

Since you asked.....the only true downside for me to HSing is the lack of quiet time for myself. I get SO SICK of seeing the kids day in and day out, seven days a week, and listening to them frickin bicker! We are out of the house as much as possible, because being home just makes us all psycho (not enough space and endless bickering), but of course being gone all the time costs $$$$ in gas and activity fees. AND if we're out all the time, I cannot spend even one second a day on quiet time for myself (reading, sewing, cooking.) If we're home the kids go bonkers, if we're out all the time we don't eat well and it gets $$$$.

So.....lack of time for myself, definitely the biggest biggest problem with HSing. We have four kids (2, 5, 8 and 10) and number 5 is on the way. I cannot imagine how to keep them all entertained and happy next year.

Lack of socialization is another biggie. We live in an area of few HSing families, and the few support groups that exist, are far away in smoggy areas and requiring lots of highway driving. Or the groups meet from 1-6 PM usually, and conflict with my kids' swim team schedule. Swim team is not too much socialization, mostly the kids are just swimming really hard. The kids on the team don't socialize together outside of swim team....well, lots of them see each other in school. My kids love swimming above everything though, and so do I!

We unschool, so I'm not usually worrying about whether the kids are "learning." I'm too lazy to worry about all the rest and schooling too, LOL!

Lack of ME time, lousy HSing support system here, VERY little culture and very little to do, rotten traffic and smog problems to go just about anywhere. There are days when I dream about putting the kids into PS just to have long, long stretches of quiet time to sew, swim, take walks, visit friends, and cook, without being plagued to death by my older kids. Our oldest is EXTREMELY high needs and kind of a pain a lot of the time, so that makes HSing exhausting a lot of the time. But I'm still not going to stick them into PS, because I feel that it would be a horrible choice for everyone except possibly my oldest, and even with her, it would have bad effects that she is not (but I am) aware of.