Mental state & labor block..... (painful labor story)

[BlueMoonBean]

Hey,

(Apologies in advance for this being so LONG!)

I have a question that I thought I would run by you mamas....

Ok, so, a bit of backstory:

About a week before I went into labor with Nora, I fell hard and hit my hip on my bathroom vanity. It hurt a lot, but after making sure that the babe was ok, I tried to move past it, thinking I had just bruised myself. Any continuing pain I wrote off as late pregnancy hip pain. We found out later, postpartum, that I had fractured my pelvis on the left side.

Nora was LOT/LOP when I went into labor and during labor had to rotate her head against my pelvis on the injured side. I was actually 8cm when I got to my birthcenter and she still wasn't engaged b/c my body was tensing so much when she pressed against my pelvis and the fracture. Suffice to say, it hurt ALOT, and just didn't feel like "normal" labor pain. So, after a while in the tub (w/the water heater going in and out in JANUARY) and a long time in transition, she turned, my water broke and she was born in a matter of minutes (4 mins after my water broke and 5 hours after we got to the center). Overall, I can imagine a lot worse births, but it was far and away my hardest.

Anyway, at some point during transition, I shifted from saying, "I don't want to do that again" referring to the last contraction to saying, "I don't want to do this again!" Meaning natural labor. My MW was busy w/ a first time mama in the other room and Dh didn't think anything of the shift, but it was significant to me, especially in that moment. I was promising myself that if I made it through, I would never let myself get into that much pain again. STUPID, STUPID, STUPID!!!!!

But, after we realized that it was the fracture and not the labor that was so excruciating, I thought that I could let go of that statement and not have it hold me back in the future...................

Fast forward to now. I'm starting to wonder if I'm holding myself back from going into labor b/c I have some sort of residual fear of getting back into that dark place. I've made changes in how I'm approaching labor, made sure that I have a really good doula who knows me well and knows to watch out to keep me in the moment (not letting me revisit pain that lives in my memory or borrow pain that I'm anticipating), and I've done a lot of mental work during this pregnancy to try to defuse the power of those words. But, I still remember so vividly how it felt to be in the mental place where those words were such a comfort. I don't remember the pain, but I vividly remember how much I wanted to escape from it, if that makes sense.

I've had a few episodes of what seems like full-blown labor starting and then slamming to a halt just when it seems like continuing is inevitable. I'm wondering if I'm controlling this in some way. I've felt very at peace being pregnant recently and I'm enjoying that, but could it be that I'm just comfortable postponing labor (I'm an awful procrastinator w/regards to everything else I don't want to do!)????

I really have no problem staying pregnant for quite awhile yet, in NO hurry to have this babe, but I don't want to worry about risking out of my birthcenter just due to a mental block.

If so, what do I do?????? Does anyone have any suggestions for overcoming a powerful mental suggestion, that might almost rise to the level of a self-planted hypnotic cue??? Am I destined to stay pregnant forever b/c I booby-trapped my subconscious? Or is this just a normal variation of pregnancy length and I'm reading too much into something that happened 18 months ago? :

Serious THANKS to anyone who managed to wade through that!!! TIA for your advice... the mamas from this DDC have helped me out SO much!!!!

[PiesandAbrosmama]

Well not an expert that's for sure, but for what it's worth. . .
I woke up in labor and had just dreamed I was having a 9lb 7 oz girl the whole labor and pushing was way more intense then I've ever had. I believe it was mental, I really thought June was a huge baby and it changed my mental state so much that my labor was changed. So I think you Know that is's preventing you from getting down to bussiness. I've heard midwives like Elizabeth Davis in Hearts And Hands say that women who have had tramatic experiances many times keep the baby in a breech position kind of "Close to her heart" because of fear of letting go and letting the baby get into proper position. So I say work on it, address it. Acknowledge and let go. I hope it will help you to get into the groove of labor and stay in labor.

[dewi]

Yes you can have a mental block stall labor. It is not all that uncommon.
It has a name, it is called emotional dystocia! Your emotions are making labor get stuck. Your midwife and doula can help you, talk to them about your fears.
Penny Simkin writes and talks a lot about it. Google it and read more about it.

The block can be from a number of things from your past experience, fractured hip, don't feel emotionally ready for another baby, or PTSD from the hip pain.

Keep doing all the routine things you have been doing like visualisations, self reflection, positive talk, emotional acceptance of the baby. Birth therapy counseling sessions or hypnosis sessions can also be very helpful.

The best to you

[BodhiMom]

With my first pregnancy, I spent so much time clearing myself of everything I had been told about labor. Ina May's Spiritual Midwifery helped so much. The birth stories are so positive and the way that the women describe their "rushes" made me look at things in a different way. I did a lot of affirmations, confirming to myself of my bodies ability to do exactly what was needed. I told myself over and over that I would open like a flower and the baby would fall out. My labors have been amazing. This pregnancy I've been focusing on an orgasmic birth. Visit orgasmicbirth.com Watch a few women experience birth ecstasy, and put yourself there. Momma...you create your experience. Choose for yourself a labor of bliss and create it.
Good luck.

ps. a lot of women find that moving their pelvis in a circular motion helps spread out the pressure on their pelvis and can lead to orgasm during birth

[Qerratsmom]

I was having the feelings you are talking about with Llewellyn's birth. My second birth was quick and not "bad" but dd came out with a nuchal arm and the pushing stage was hard and painful. While I don't remember the pain I remember thinking "this hurts like hell! Never again am I doing this to myself"

Fast forward to Llewellyn's labor, I was really nervous to start labor. In fact when I finally "knew" i was in full blown labor and it wasn't going to stop I start to shake uncontrolably even though the ctx were not that bad. It was nerves. I really believe this is why the labor was 12 hours (compared to 3 with my other two kids). While I kept on top of all the ctx in the first stage, I was dreading the pushing stage. Even when I got to 10cm, baby was not engaged and I continued to labor for another hour and half before I felt the pushy feeling. I think I was really blocking the pushing from happening. Its also why I think I pushed him out so fast when the time really did come. I just wanted it to be over and I gathered everything I had and literally expelled him as fast as I could.

While things went well and it was a straightforward homebirth, I really was never in the birthing "zone" I wanted to be in. Looking back I see that very clearly.

So yes, mental preparation is a huge thing. I'm not sure how to help except to say try to embrace the birth experience the best you can. It will be different this time and chances are much less painful and you will make it over that mountain and you'll be carrying a baby when you are done. After processing this last birth I am actually excited to birth again (am I crazy??) and really get to embrace it next time.

[Mama Poot]

When I had Fleur I was really freaking mad at my mom. (long story) but anyway, I'd reached a "stuck" point and wasted over an hour pushing when I wasnt fully dilated. So I took a break, and for some reason thought about how angry I was at my mom and how stupid the conflict was, and basically let myself have a pity party about it and cried for a few minutes. After that I went into transition and had my baby. My labor was 14 hours long, too long imo but i dragged it out because I had a lot on my mind. Whatever youre worried about, try to let it go now!

[elfinbaby]

I agree - you can certainly have a mental block. I knew I would after having INTENSE birthing experiences w/1 and 2. So w/#3 I did the course Hypnobabies and took excellent care of myself. It worked for me - best birth ever! Then we came to #4 and it seemed my mind only wanted to focus on birth 2 - the most intense one. Mentally I couldn't shake it. I was anxious and apprehensive about birthing again.

So I recommitted myself to listening to affirmations and started taking Motherwort. The combo helped me. I love Motherwort It helps you relax and works on anxiety. Read up on it first and see if it's for you.

Good healing vibes to you BMM