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Bio Mom has very liberal views on raising children - Page 2

post #21 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by TrishaG View Post
Ohhhh and can anyone tell me what all the abbreviations mean.....DH, DSD, DSS. I realize it is husband step daugther and etc.....but what is the D in the front mean? Confused!

Darling, Dear, usually.
post #22 of 24
In all honesty, OP, this is a problem you should drop in Dad's lap. Let him deal with her.
post #23 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by mtiger View Post
In all honesty, OP, this is a problem you should drop in Dad's lap. Let him deal with her.


I would try to seriously curb the bad-mouthing of their mother. They are getting to the age where if their mother decided to fight for custody, the court would take their opinions into consideration. Then they could wind up growing into adults who think that their dad and evil SM stole them from their mom when they were children, thank goodness she fought to get them back when they were teenagers.

It is hard to take the high road, but it will pay off in the end. The best answer to "It's this way at Mom's house" that we've found is "Well, we do different things at different houses." My dsd has really started bringing out the "I wish I was at my mom's house" when she doesn't want to do something unpleasant here. But, she does the same thing over there. So I try (it's hard sometimes) to put it in perspective.
post #24 of 24
I haven't read all of the replies but here is my take on this..

I've seen Sex in the City, and most certainly agree that it's not approriate for an 11 y.o. child to see. Regardless of me not agreeing with this choice, I wouldn't turn it into a battle.

DSD was allowed to watch R-rated movies at her moms a lot earlier than our house. There definitely has always been two separate sets of rules, on some things we were more relaxed, on others her mom and stepdad. It is what it is. It will be a lot more damaging to the child to see two sets of parents going in a battle over a movie (or food, or bedtimes, or whathaveyous), than watching Sex in the City at 11.

I wouldn't worry much "my stepmom does this or that and is mean to me" talk. Are you loving and caring? Are you fair and affectionate? She knows the truth then despite what she tells her mom or what her mom tells her. There are many reasons for that kind of talk: she might be upset with you for having to clean up her room, she might be just trying to strike a conversation with her mom and knows that bashing stepmom will engage the mom. Why does it matter?

Who cares what the mom tells your husband? If he believes his ex's word over what he sees in his house every day, I hope you guys are looking for counseling, and the ex is certainly the least of your issues.

If your husband loves you, and you know you do your best with your stepdaughter, then things will work out. I know that things are easier said than done, but I am only giving the advice here that I have chosen to follow myself...

Stop worrying over what the mom says or thinks about you. DSD's mom used to tell my beloved dp that I'm not a good cook (heh), that I dont' know how to keep up the house, that dsd shouldn't be spending time with me, etc. etc. etc. None of that stuff matters at the end. Your own actions will speak a lot louder than her words. The sooner you choose to believe this, the sooner you will become happy family.

P.S. Kids know right from wrong... Even if they choose to say the wrong things at times, or make wrong choices, they come back to the place where they are loved and treated with respect.
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