my parents divorced when i was 4, then when i was 16 i reunited w/ my father and they got back together for about 6 months give or take...we even lived w/ him in a rented house...they had separate bedrooms...i didn't know they were as close as they were at the time...it did not last, to say the least... i still have mixed feelings about it. as kind of a tease to me...they both claim to love each other immensely but say 'they just can't live together...'. they still talk and see each other when he comes to visit me and my dd (he has yet to come up to meet my son due to financial reasons...) hmmm. at least they own that and moved on...
silly me did a silly thing just now before seeing this thread...so i'm grateful i now saw it here. i went searching yet again for my ex on personals sites to see if he was on others i hadn't seen him on yet...part of my investigative obsession i tend to do sometimes when i'm feeling...confused, lonely...grieving the loss of our relationship...confused for our son. (the ex has not seen me since i was 35 wx pg and i finally took off-the arguing was stressing me out too much...i didn't enjoy being cursed at and for my dd to be cursed at and for him to try to unlock/open door to the bedroom once i'd gone in there telling him to leave us alone, etc...). well...sure enough, there he is on match.com. i read his whole profile. he must have had someone help him cuz there is no way he could have come up w/ all that and worded as nicely as it was...anyway, this time around (its been a few months since i last did this looking...) he didn't say he had any dc...this time he says he has 1 not living w/ him. ugh. that really irked me. he hasn't even MET my son. he hasn't even sent money or anything. he hasn't tried to visit him...despite i have a protective order against him. is he that stupid, i've wondered, that he may think he can't go around it to visit w/ his son via mediation/supervised visits...i've given him the benefit of my doubt due to severe ignorance issues on his part. but then again, my friends and mom say he's probably just let it go...which is interesting cuz that is his user ID...letitgo and then the year of his birth.
sorry for hijacking...if i am...maybe i'm not...this is all related so maybe i'm not...god i'm feeling so insecure this morning!!! i just felt this relates somewhat to this thread as i sometimes wonder the 'what if i stayed' stuff and 'maybe we could try to get back together...would he want to...would i want to...' ugh. it really hurts cuz his title says he is looking for a 'responsible partner' and someone who doesn't 'run from their problems...someone who takes the good with the bad...' that really is upsetting!!! makes me self doubt in moments like this one where i'm not feelling so great (sinuses) and so i'm self doubting.
really i'm glad i 'ran'. for the sake of my kids and i: my dd (not his bio), my son who was in the womb and probably stressed out as i sure was...
sometimes i think...maybe i should try and put our family back together...all these thoughts...would he move here to OR...i would not move back to MN where he is...would he even want to try...blah blah blah...but you know, i'm content how it is, w/out him...he obviously think he did nothing wrong and sees it as just 'bad times' i should have stuck it out thru. no thanks, man. i'd rather 'run baby run baby run baby run baby run...'.
and then i sometimes ponder getting back w/ my dd's bio father, who is also not in the picture...sigh...silly me...that would be a HUGE mistake yet again if i did THAT. i hear much thru the grapevine and he has not changed...i don't get child support so i have no ties w/ him. i regret filing for child support for my son. all the what ifs.............i couldn't personally bear sending my son off to MN to be w/ his bio father sometimes...ugh. makes me sick to my stomach.
anyway...yeah. i ponder this. i wonder about it. actually, i split up w/ my dd's bio father when i was early pg w/ her and we got back together when i was about 6 mos. pg. so i can kind of relate to getting back together w/ the ex of my child...i told him it was over when my dd was 9 mos. old.