Originally Posted by blessed
Oh good god.
I've been completely consistent throughout the entire thread. I said that the children were being abused "by my standard and everyone else's on MDC, but not under the eyes of the law" before the CPS call. I said "It's not that any of us feel that these kids aren't suffering from certain types of abuse. We all agree that they are. But it was patently obvious to me that CPS would never consider this type of stuff as worthy of their attention" after the CPS call.
Blessed, you have been less consistent than that. You would say things about what a wonderful father he is, and that he just is not into gentle discipline. Those were your words. They take abuse and frame it in the context of discipline style. Abuse isn't discipline. It is just abuse. You seemed on one hand to be in agreement that it was abuse, but on the other hand-- as would be the case with denial-- you seemed on some level not to be able to face that (that's where all the "he's a great dad, just a little rough and strict" type talk came in).
Whatever the case, if you treat abuse as a family dynamic that simply needs to be dealt with as such, I do think that is one sign of denial. Usually abuse can't be treated as just one more family dynamic. It has a very unique cycle and pattern and generally requires a greater level and different kind of intervention, not always-- but often-- outside help.
|I still say that (and the CPS worker confirmed) dunking for punishment is called IN THE EYES OF THE LAW 'dunking', and is not against the law unless the child's life is in danger.
Generally there are state specific regulations that determine what will be identified as abuse. As you mention, for example, many states require that marks are left after 30 minutes if a child has been beaten or hit. However, most states do take into account cumulative information, and also, sometimes screeners upon request will take into account detrimental emotional effects and will be willing to start a lower level intervention for an ongoing pattern such as mentioned here. I still think you need to make sure his own county is aware of the things going on in the home, if you have not already. I stick by my recommendation.
|I never said, and still don't say, that it is right, tolerable, justifiable or anything else. I just don't have my head in magical thinking land where I believe I have powers that I don't really possess.
Nor do I. Look, I am a reasonable person who has reported very real abuse. Some of that was screened in, some screened out, but I was always thanked for reporting, especially when there had been prior investigations but more information was needed.
I have had enough foster children in my home to know the horrors some of them endured before a CPS worker began to even investigate (let alone provide family supports, anger mangagement classes, etc....and then finally, when all else failed, remove the child from the abusive parents care while the parent was given opportunity and additional resources to correct the situation).
|The CPS screener didn't know what county this guys lives in when she decided not to investigate.
That's really my point. If you are calling your BIL's home county, and they know it is his home county, and they know there is a possibility of prior CPS involvement, they will most likely look for prior investigations before making a decision.
Without that information they are more likely to screen the call out.
|If you You're the one that's in denial, sierra.
You can hurl that at me like it is an insult, Blessed, but it isn't insulting. Denial is a normal and necessary human response to witnessing something abhorent.
The neurological system can't take in lots of overwhelming stimuli at once, so it has to process it slowly. Denial is a function of that. It isn't bad. It just is. It would be surprising if you had witnessed the things you witnessed without any denial.
And likewise, watching this thread develop has been difficult for reasons similar/related (though clearly diffused) to reasons it is hard for you to watch what is going on in your family. It is hard to watch something abhorent going on and to feel so powerless and desperate. Not being able to help, at times because you push us away and even retaliate against/fight our best suggestions is hard work.
We do it because we care. All of us, you because you care about your family-- your precious nephews in particular-- and us because we care about children in general and can't stand the thought of any child suffering.
Denial makes sense. It isn't an insult.