Originally Posted by blessed
And we end on the cacophony of replies from people who haven't bothered to actually read the thread.
'...you haven't mention how everyone else in the family feels...I'm guessing...'
Well, since that's my quote, I'll address it.
I have read the entire thread. You've made some comments about how the family isn't comfortable with his actions, but you don't believe they think it's abuse. But that was pretty early on, before there were other situations. I can't recall you actually saying you expressed open concern to any of the ILs privately... it was more an assumption about what their attitudes would be. But, I don't have a photographic memory so I may have missed something over the course of the thread, as I don't go back and reread every post before responding.
You've also never mentioned anyone else stepping in to do things to protect the kids, except perhaps when the 2 yo didn't want to walk on the hike, and then it was more cajoling BIL, and you are the one who finally took action and just carried the 2 yo. You've mentioned the other family members having shocked looks but never DOING anything. You also never answered the question about what your dh thinks about all this and I don't recall a mention where he confronted BIL (during an incident, to protect a child or defuse a situation) or what he says about talking to his sister.
Personally, if it was my family I would be riding Dh's a** to stand up for his nephews and show some concern for his sister, and he wouldn't have a moment's peace from me (in private) until he did. But then, I can't imagine him standing aside and watching this without doing something... and he's not all that fond of/close to his sister. Honestly, the saddest part of this whole post is the silence of your dh's entire family.
I was just trying to offer support about how difficult this must be for you to be the only one taking action in this situation. If I missed a mention of others in the family taking action, please point it out. I think you handled incidents dealing with your BIL with grace, and did a better job than I would have, as I probably would have been pretty abrasive or even kicked BIL out of my house (which I don't think would help anyone longterm).