The Queer & Pregnant thread -- June, July, and August - Page 5

[JenInMpls]

Originally Posted by pranava

Do grouchiness and mood swings go away after the first trimester?

Well, there's a perfect word in German for this and it's 'jein' (the 'j' is a 'y' sound, like yah, and the 'ein' sounds like 'ine' as in 'mine'). It is a combination of 'ja' (yes) and 'nein' (no). The hormones are still cranked high, so I think that the mood swings are still pretty darn prevalent, but because you're feeling slightly less exhausted and physically yucky, you're not as close to the edge, so to speak, as you are in your first trimester. Does that make any sense? You're not quite as frustrated with how lousy you feel, and are therefore a touch less hair-trigger.

2hm I think your baby belly is LOOOOOOVELY and I want to give you a big hug for those stretch marks. I don't know if you're going to count them as a badge of honor or a source of complete and total unsexiness - I sort of waffle between the two. We were at the beach on Friday and I was missing two obvious prerequisites to be at that beach, which was (1) tattoos and (2) a nubile, firm, blemish- or scar-free body. Even the pregnant mama who was on the towel next to us was fat-less and had a "perfect" bikini-clad bod with an adorable, well-tanned bump and nary a stretch mark in sight. (She was even still wearing her navel ring, wonder for how much longer?) She looked like every pregnant model I've ever seen. Why don't we ever see women with stretch marks modeling maternity underwear or swimwear?! :

I am still too shy to take pictures of my belly. I gathered a lot of belly fat due to stretched-out skin from kid #1, canceling our YWCA membership to be able to send my son to preschool and a sedentary lifestyle. Plus the scar from my cesarean birth did strange things to the shape of my belly. Baby is pushing my belly fat up, not out. It's strange. So I actually look quite pregnant - more pregnant than I am, but it's all pre-baby belly fat.

I'm experiencing what I experienced last time while pregnant, which was that pregnancy is the only time I haven't felt self-conscious since I've been conscious of my body. I was aware of my body by about 8 or maybe 9 because my parents were concerned about my extra weight and put the onus on me to eat differently (while they continued to keep crap food around the house). Only when I was pregnant did I feel pretty darn great about my body. Now I don't feel self-conscious of my belly fat because I can claim that it's the baby.

But still, I'm not keen on taking a belly photo, because it doesn't look anything like a baby belly. *shrug*

On a different note, I am sure on the edge of my seat waiting to hear from kk.

[pigirl]

Advice?

Hi, folks. I have a pregnancy etiquette question. We've been seeing a local OB practice for IUIs, and they've been mostly okay. They took my insurance and they got me pregnant, so really, mission accomplished. The thing is, I don't think I want to deliver my baby with them. They don't have midwives attending births, only doctors, and you have to deliver in the hospital. Their rates of continuous monitoring, etc., are also not what I'd like to see. I had my first prenatal visit with them at 4w 4d, and have a second scheduled for the end of the month (a "viability" ultrasound) that I'm planning on keeping. But after that, I think I'd really like to see a midwife. So my question is-- presuming the ultrasound doesn't show any major issues that say I need to be seeing a doctor-- how do I break up with them? There are a few local midwife practices I want to check out, including a new midwife-staffed birthing center right near the hospital. (Whose doctor, by a fluke of on-call timing, is the one who performed our sucessful inseminations-- he was a gem!) My two concerns are 1) they all-- down to the receptionist-- know me by name, know our story, have been very nice, and most of them have tried at least once to get us pregnant. They were *thrilled* when I called to say the IUI worked. I don't want to break their hearts by leaving. 2) If we want to have additional children via IUI, this is the place we need to use. There are only 2 OB practices in town, and the other won't bill our insurance since we're same-sex. I don't want to burn any bridges by leaving.

Advice? I've got a couple weeks to try to make a plan....

In other news, I'm moody as all hell and nauseated 24/7. It was such an effort to pretend I was okay all day at work today that I think I'm going to be in bed and asleep by 8pm (aka in 2 minutes). On the bright side, my partner is going above and beyond taking good care of me. He went to 4 stores last night, trying to find the right brand of ear plugs so I can sleep more soundly at night (between rounds of having to pee), makes me whatever I want for dinner, and runs to the store when we don't have something I need. *swoon*

[JenInMpls]

well, pigirl, here's my 2 cents.

I conceived my first at the ob/gyn/midwife office of a large health care group here in town. It was good. I worked with the midwives. They were good. I went to give birth, it was horrible. There was no way I could go back to that hospital to give birth, ever. And no way I could return to such a gigantic midwife group, which was part of the problem with giving birth - I had never met the midwives who were there when I delivered. I stopped by their clinic on the way home from the hospital, and they all came out to the front desk - nurses, midwives, secretaries - to coo and congratulate us (they all knew us so well because I was 16 days post-EDD and were in the office every day for the last week of my pregnancy).

When I wanted to get pregnant again, I decided to go with this clinic again because I knew how their whole insem system worked. It was familiar, and seemed to be a better choice than researching new places, learning new ropes, etc. When I made the appt to get the paperwork set up I purposely checked on which NPs could sign off on my form, and went in for a pap and all that at the same time. The NP who saw me is also the same CNM who did my insems the first time around so we were pretty clear on what I wanted to do and that I didn't need counseling on the whole affair.

The secretary was the same one (a lesbian, to boot) from the first time around, so that was nice; some of the nurses were the same, and remembered me; I was lucky to not run into my former midwife. They all expected me to come in after I conceived. I couldn't admit to them that I could never go back to the hospital they were associated with, I only admitted it to the midwife who did my pap and my paperwork. She doesn't deliver babies, just does clinic work, so I don't know what her take was, but she didn't seem offended.

The thing was: I knew what I needed, and it is a smaller midwife clinic. I am working with a clinic that has only 3 midwives. I will know them all before I go into birth. Where I conceived didn't have what I needed, and that's not their fault, really; they're a large clinic associated with a large hospital. The midwife clinic I'm at now didn't have what I needed when I was TTC, namely, anyone who does IUIs!! I feel that my chances of having the birth experience I want are better working with the group I'm currently seeing, and that is most important to me.

Your OB clinic did a good job for you, and it's great that they all like you and you like them, but you have a right to do what you believe is best for yourself and your child at birth. I really don't think that you're going to break their hearts and I don't even think you need to do anything to "break up" with them. I don't think the midwife clinic will even really need any paperwork from them, since most midwife groups don't do your first appt until 8 weeks at the earliest. Maybe they'd like the ultrasound report. In that case, you request in writing that your chart be sent to the midwife clinic.

If you really feel like you need to explain to them where you're going (and I frankly don't think that you do), you could send them a letter with statistics about how most women have better birth outcomes with lower intervention rates when attended by a midwife than an obstetrician, but really... I don't think you do. They're a care provider and should act professionally. Be happy about your good IUI experience and take it with you. maybe even check out the midwife practice with the mindset that if you don't click there, you'll go back to your ob practice. It's most important to be giving birth with someone you trust.

[MujerMamaMismo]

kk had a beautiful baby girl

[simcon]

Originally Posted by pranava

Do grouchiness and mood swings go away after the first trimester?

Aaah, not in my experience (this pg or my first)--though I didn't have much m/s with either, so that may make a difference. I find that feeding myself as if I'm feeding a toddler definitely helps (small meals and healthy frequent snacks), because lots of times it's just a blood sugar issue.

Originally Posted by pigirl

Hi, folks. I have a pregnancy etiquette question. We've been seeing a local OB practice for IUIs, and they've been mostly okay. The thing is, I don't think I want to deliver my baby with them. They don't have midwives attending births, only doctors, and you have to deliver in the hospital.

Hi pigirl! I would just say something along the lines of "We've really loved working with you, but also had our hearts set on a midwife-attended birth, if possible, so we're thinking of going with them for the actual birth." I think it would be pretty common, and they're all professionals--it's definitely possible to be complimentary on your departure.

ok, gotta run!

I'm feeling lots of wiggles (17w1d)--it's so fun!

[Photochef]

[QUOTE=simcon;11695574]

Hi pigirl! I would just say something along the lines of "We've really loved working with you, but also had our hearts set on a midwife-attended birth, if possible, so we're thinking of going with them for the actual birth." I think it would be pretty common, and they're all professionals--it's definitely possible to be complimentary on your departure.

[QUOTE]

Totally That! I agree with the wording down to the letter, and remember, your responsibility is not to them, it is to yourself and to your baby.
You can do it!

[giggleblue]

thanks guys! i was actually dealing with the same thing. i'm sure that my doctor will be okay with it. i don't understand why she would be personally offended.

besides, i'm sure there are thousands more patients that they have other than yourself. things should be fine!!

[pranava]

5 weeks 3 days and hardly a symptom I'm such a nervous nelly!! I can't help but wonder if no symptoms is a bad thing. I'm never gonna make it till my 8 week appointment!!!!! :

[simcon]

Originally Posted by pranava

5 weeks 3 days and hardly a symptom I'm such a nervous nelly!! I can't help but wonder if no symptoms is a bad thing. I'm never gonna make it till my 8 week appointment!!!!! :

It's so hard not to worry, but 5w3d is still so early--I wouldn't really worry about symptoms. I wouldn't worry later, either--some people just don't get much in the way of early pregnancy stuff (I haven't really ever--just blah and some aversions, and even those are inconsistent). Plus, to make you crazier, even when you do get symptoms, they often tend to come and go.

I would sometimes comfort myself with the thought that every healthy pregnancy had its maddening, crazymaking first trimester.

[Photochef]

Hey Pran...Ask Pigirl how the ol' morning sickness is going! I had it ALL the time with my daughter, hoping for the opposite this time around. I remember driving to all of my home visits, sick as a dog, yet starving and stopping at every other gas station to see if they had something I might feel like eating and getting $20 wrth of snacks that made me sicker than before! It was a maddening cycle. Just wait for your beautiful belly to start to show, and rejoice (if you dont come down with the 3 month flu that is )

[pigirl]

Originally Posted by MamaCaveBear

Hey Pran...Ask Pigirl how the ol' morning sickness is going!

Ooooooooooh. You don't want to know, really.

[cookie70]

Hello Ladies.

Pigirl you really must do what both you and your partner want. We continue to face these decisions down to just recently being unhappy about our hospital tour where they refered to all the non-pregnant folks as "dads". Our concerns grew knowing that we were about to sit through 40 hours of child birth prep, breast feeding....classes and knew that we didn't want that experience.

you have a little one growing inside you, follow your true desires and make this experience exactly how you want it. it takes some maneuvering and often decisions that others are not always faced with, but it is all a beautiful thing.

after, going to the head director of child classes we had a seemless 8 hour class last weekend. we are gettting so excited. baby jack kicked out another rib, but our chiropractor was nice enough to come in on a sunday morning to pop me back in.

with this heat in the 90's it is hard to believe we have 2 months to go. i'm big and hard to believe i'll get bigger. on third round of bigger maternity clothes sand loving it.

our baby shower plans are getting out of control...up to 70 people....this is what happens when we have an open ticket to break from the norm. yippeee!

hope you are all well.

[venustx]

Originally Posted by pranava

5 weeks 3 days and hardly a symptom I'm such a nervous nelly!! I can't help but wonder if no symptoms is a bad thing. I'm never gonna make it till my 8 week appointment!!!!! :

I had no symptoms at all (even with 3 babies!) until 6 weeks exactly, when the all-day nausea started. It got lighter at 17 weeks but didn't go away completely until 22 weeks, so I wish I'd spent more time enjoying those early weeks and less time worrying! Hang in there...hopefully you'll feel miserable soon enough.

[pigirl]

It's so quiet in here-- how's everyone doing?

[JenInMpls]

had my 20 wk US today.



I'm only slightly disappointed because my son really wanted a little sister and he seems kind of sad about the fact that it's a boy. I wish people hadn't even started asking him what he "wanted". At the same time, I'm glad we know now so that he has 20 weeks to adjust to the fact that it ISN'T a little sister! Just imagine how bummed out he would have been if he had found out at birth. My DW is thrilled that it's another boy - she was kind of nervous about having a daughter. I did have a dream a couple of weeks ago that we went to our US and it was a boy. Darn dreams are always right.

Everything else was dandy on the ultrasound - brain development, spinal, everything. The tech couldn't see the heart very well because he was lying transverse, belly down right under my bellybutton, so I'll have another short US at 28 weeks just to check the 4 chambers and the outflow.

Hope everyone else is doing fine...

[Photochef]

Pigirl - I was just going to post the very same thing!!! I thought I heard crickets....

Jen - Oh little boys are so lovely! Congratulations!

And you are DARN right about the dreams being right...the night I was 7dpo, I had this intense dream that my entire family (the people who I count as my family) were in a giant shower/bath (hello, baby shower I realized later), and had gifts for me, and I told everyone IT'S POSITIVE!!! WE're HAVING A BABY!!! And I got this shivery feeling of joy that ran all through me and must have lasted a little while because I felt just as thrilled when I woke up. The first thing I thought was "I'm going to have a temp dip" and 1 minute later, yes I did! and 1 week later it was indeed positive!!!:::

[giggleblue]

jen - i'm happy that all is well with the baby!

i agree it has gotten rather silent in here recently.

i've been an emotional mess these last few weeks. i seem to be crying about everything, which is typically not normal for me. i'm also snappy and not so understanding with dp. i confess, i'm being an asshat.

i contacted a midwife, but i haven't heard back and i'm kinda at the crossroads about the whole birthing thing.

combined with fear of birthing and pre-e, i'm also just wondering if it's even worth the extra effort of trying to be all holistic about the process. i'm "meeting" (online) more and more women who have had horrible midwife experiences and suffering for ptsd about their birth. and these are women who have birthed at home. so i'm not even sure if that's safe. a part of me just wants to go away to a small island and birth alone. if i make it, good, and if i don't well...

so i'm feeling like crap lately, hating my mother and wishing i was an orphan more and more. and my pissy attitude is not exactly impressing my dp.

and there we have it will self sabatoge.

[pranava]

Jen - such good news! Congratulations on your little boy!

Giggleblue - Sorry you're feeling down, but it will all be worth it

Speaking of being moody and mean to dp - I got into a huge screaming match with dp IN MY DREAM last night. Now that's going too far. In real life I've been able to keep it under wraps.

I had a hysterical crying fit, freak out last night. I woke up in the middle of the night to pee, and temped. I know, I should lock up my thermomter, but it has been keeping me sane. Well, my temp had dropped dramatically and all my breast tenderness was Gone! I immediately panicked and took a pregnancy test - 2 dark lines, but not quite as dark as a test I took 3 days ago. I'm hoping it was just more dilute urine as I'd had a lot to drink before bed. Anyway, I cried and freaked out thinking my HCG levels were dropping, my symptoms were gone, and my temp was headed down. This morning I woke up to the highest temp I've had yet and the breast soreness back the same as it's been. I still am worried about the lighter line on the hpt.

I'm a crazy loon and about to lose my mind

[MujerMamaMismo]

Jen's having a beautiful baby boy How lovely. Congratulations :

giggleblue - you don't have to make any decisions this week. or next. or even the week after. keep researching and try and stay away from horror stories, which if you look, you will find everywhere. the stress and anxiety of early pregnancy is so intense that it really is tough trying to make important decisions. If you do your research, you'll make the right decision for you - trust yourself :

pranava - that freakin' thermometer!!!! I tortured myself with it. And similarly with the constant testing! AngelaM told me to stop testing and stop temping and it was the best advice I've ever taken. The anxiety was still there but it helped not to have tangible figures/results to obsess over. Be kind to yourself

[solejean]

Chase Macario was born July 15 at 5:32 AM, three weeks early, but beautiful. He weighed 6lbs 10.5 ounces. :