(X-posted on "Childhood Years")
My son is 4 1/2 and just started at a new Montessori school, (yes, the same one I was worried about doing time-outs and talking about "obedience"). He is in a "mixed-age" class, ranging from 3-6 years. He is in the summer camp program where most kids know each other from the school year. He has been there one week. He told me tonight that there are 4 six-year old boys who were being "naughty". When I pressed him as to what they were doing that was "naughty", he told me that they took his yellow ball away, that yes he told the teacher, but she let them keep it because they had it first and told him to wait his turn. This was obviously in the playground.
I told him that if that happens again, to go and do another activity, or find someone else to play with. He said he couldn't because they were "blocking his way" and wouldn't let him get by, and that they were telling him to "go away" and "go home" and calling him names. I told him that if it happened again, that he should ignore them and do something else, but that he should go and tell the teacher, but he said he couldn't because they wouldn't let him by. I asked him to show me, and we did a role-play. I tried to get by him, he put his hands out and moved side-to-side blocking me. Then he said they laughed at him.
I asked a few more questions trying to get at where it happened, where the teacher was, etc. He went on to tell me that they were blocking him from getting on the climber, that they said if he threw the ball over them, they would let him go up, but if he couldn't, he couldn't get by. He said he tried, but couldn't throw it over them, it kept going under the climber. He said he tried to climb up the climber, but they wouldn't let him. I kind of wondered if they were just blocking him from going on the climber, but every time I suggested he do something else, go somewhere else, tell the teacher, etc., he said they wouldn't let him get by.
Three other things I think are important:
1. A friend was there dropping off paperwork a few weeks ago and had her son with her, he was apparently just walking along beside her, not saying/doing anything and these older boys were apparently calling her son names through the fence, (cry-baby, mammas boy, saying "go-home baby" etc...). So much so that she decided not to send her child there. She said the teacher was not doing anything, but wasn't 100% sure she'd heard.
2. I spent 2 hours with DS on his first day and I had to speak to these 4 boys (I know exactly the ones he's talking about) a few times about not being very inclusive or nice to some of the other kids. My son asked them if he could play with them, asked them questions, their names, etc. and they were rude/ignored him, which I thought was harsh for his first day.
3. My son tends to get "picked on" for some reason. He is very emotional and dramatic and cries / whines at the drop of a hat. He got picked on by a boy in Preschool, (the boy cornered him, kicked him, pushed him constantly, etc. - the school dealt with it very effectively and that's behind us, but may be part of a pattern). He also plays soccer with two boys he's known his whole life; the three of them used to play really well together, but over the last 6 months, the other two have started to gang up on my son, they call him names, taunt him, etc. when the 3 are together (which I now avoid). I am just wondering why he is predispositioned to be picked on!
I am wondering if anyone else has experienced this in the mixed age groupings? If so, what did you do?
I am going to talk to the school tomorrow (principal and teacher) to tell them my concerns and find out what they plan to do about it, and find out their policy on bullying. I put him in private school hoping to avoid this kind of thing, (also because he's quite advanced academically and I thought he'd get bored in regular JK)! Maybe he'd be better in public school where he doesn't learn much but is not with older kids! (He loves older girls though, he gets along GREAT with them so I was really looking forward to the mixed age groupings...).
One stressed mamma....
My son is 4 1/2 and just started at a new Montessori school, (yes, the same one I was worried about doing time-outs and talking about "obedience"). He is in a "mixed-age" class, ranging from 3-6 years. He is in the summer camp program where most kids know each other from the school year. He has been there one week. He told me tonight that there are 4 six-year old boys who were being "naughty". When I pressed him as to what they were doing that was "naughty", he told me that they took his yellow ball away, that yes he told the teacher, but she let them keep it because they had it first and told him to wait his turn. This was obviously in the playground.
I told him that if that happens again, to go and do another activity, or find someone else to play with. He said he couldn't because they were "blocking his way" and wouldn't let him get by, and that they were telling him to "go away" and "go home" and calling him names. I told him that if it happened again, that he should ignore them and do something else, but that he should go and tell the teacher, but he said he couldn't because they wouldn't let him by. I asked him to show me, and we did a role-play. I tried to get by him, he put his hands out and moved side-to-side blocking me. Then he said they laughed at him.
I asked a few more questions trying to get at where it happened, where the teacher was, etc. He went on to tell me that they were blocking him from getting on the climber, that they said if he threw the ball over them, they would let him go up, but if he couldn't, he couldn't get by. He said he tried, but couldn't throw it over them, it kept going under the climber. He said he tried to climb up the climber, but they wouldn't let him. I kind of wondered if they were just blocking him from going on the climber, but every time I suggested he do something else, go somewhere else, tell the teacher, etc., he said they wouldn't let him get by.
Three other things I think are important:
1. A friend was there dropping off paperwork a few weeks ago and had her son with her, he was apparently just walking along beside her, not saying/doing anything and these older boys were apparently calling her son names through the fence, (cry-baby, mammas boy, saying "go-home baby" etc...). So much so that she decided not to send her child there. She said the teacher was not doing anything, but wasn't 100% sure she'd heard.
2. I spent 2 hours with DS on his first day and I had to speak to these 4 boys (I know exactly the ones he's talking about) a few times about not being very inclusive or nice to some of the other kids. My son asked them if he could play with them, asked them questions, their names, etc. and they were rude/ignored him, which I thought was harsh for his first day.
3. My son tends to get "picked on" for some reason. He is very emotional and dramatic and cries / whines at the drop of a hat. He got picked on by a boy in Preschool, (the boy cornered him, kicked him, pushed him constantly, etc. - the school dealt with it very effectively and that's behind us, but may be part of a pattern). He also plays soccer with two boys he's known his whole life; the three of them used to play really well together, but over the last 6 months, the other two have started to gang up on my son, they call him names, taunt him, etc. when the 3 are together (which I now avoid). I am just wondering why he is predispositioned to be picked on!
I am wondering if anyone else has experienced this in the mixed age groupings? If so, what did you do?
I am going to talk to the school tomorrow (principal and teacher) to tell them my concerns and find out what they plan to do about it, and find out their policy on bullying. I put him in private school hoping to avoid this kind of thing, (also because he's quite advanced academically and I thought he'd get bored in regular JK)! Maybe he'd be better in public school where he doesn't learn much but is not with older kids! (He loves older girls though, he gets along GREAT with them so I was really looking forward to the mixed age groupings...).
One stressed mamma....
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