Mini mom rant, sort of

[njbeachgirl]

OK, I just need to get this off my chest, not that it's a big deal really but I feel like my mom is invading my "bubble of peace" and I need to share.

I love her and she's the best but we have very different views when it comes to birthing. I know she is trying hard to be supportive and understanding about our homebirth plans but I can tell she is nervous and doesn't think it's the right way.

I'm not sure she trusts in my midwives' skills because there is no MD behind their names. For example she was asking if they know what to do if there's meconium in my waters. I keep trying to explain that this (catching babies) is ALL they do and they have been doing it a very long time and are great at it!

She is super concerned that I am not taking the baby in to the pediatrician IMMEDIATELY. (We plan on going in during baby's first week sometime, but I am not hopping out of bed ASAP if the baby is fine. My midwives are trained to evaluate a newborn and being a mama before I can tell a healthy baby from a sick one!)

She is already telling me my colostrum/breastmilk will not be enough for the baby, and recommending that I give the baby something else like water to prevent dehydration. If this is the case what did people do before formula and bottles came along? Every single breastfeeding source says that all a healthy baby needs for the first few days is frequent nursing. This is a really sore spot with me because I was scared into supplementing with DD1 and it took a long time to get BFing back on track with her.

I have worked really hard this pregnancy with affirmations and visualization to get my faith in my body back. I feel like it was compromised by medical professionals during the birth/newborn period with DD1 and I have been doing so much better this pregnancy in trusting my instincts and body. It just sucks dealing with all these negative vibes at 39+4 when I need to be in a positive space. I don't want to shut my mom out or get mad at her but at the same time I need to keep it positive.

Anyway if you read this far thanks for listening

[devilish_fetish]

It's a tough situation! I've had similar issues with various family members on my and dh's side of the family. Would your mom respond well if you told her that you really just need positive support right now and can't deal with or hear all of the other (not positive/supportive) things she's saying? Either way,

[heathermarie73]

First off

I went through this with my mom and my first pregnancy. She was supposed to be there with me and dh for the birth. I got very upset about her negativity about the birth (mentioning inductions and c sections and the like) and breastfeeding always saying that I may not be able to bf. She would always be pushing her experience on me she would say.... I would go into labor the same time she did and the same way and my baby would be to distracted to bf just like I was when I was born, blah blah. Well, I decided it was either not have her at the labor or put it all out on the table. So I called her and said "Mom I love you and you have always been there for me when I need you. That is why I asked you to be with me at the birth because you have helped me remain calm in many difficult situations.(for example I have an especially big fear of needles and such and she is a nurse and always helps me relax). However, I really need to remain positive about this birth and breastfeeding. I realize things can go wrong, but what is the point of worrying about what might go wrong, I'd rather concentrate on doing my best. " She apologized and said that I was right and that she hadn't realized that she was doing this. My mom tends to get a little offended if I want to do things different than she did, it is like I am insulting her or something. Oh well.
I hope things smooth over with you both. Take care

[catnap70]

I am so sorry mama. My MIL said something really insensitive and rude to me tonight so I completely understand--it would be even worse if it was my own mom. We are here for you to vent and remind you that your mama instincts are just fine!

[yamilee21]

I went through something similar, but maybe much worse, with my mother with my pregnancy with my son. She was with us almost two months before his arrival, and six weeks after. We had issues before that, but her negativity during that time period permanently damaged our relationship in an entirely new way. For this pregnancy, I have severely restricted my contact with her; short phone calls, no visits (I'm in New York, she's in Florida) and absolutely no information about my "due date" or my birth plans. And no one that might tell her anything knows any of this information either. Honestly, I really don't care that she has been hurt/offended by my distance throughout this pregnancy; the ability to gestate in peace has been worth it.

I am from a very family-oriented culture, in which mothers are always right and are practically worshiped (no matter how crazy they are), so it was not easy to take this attitude, but if I had done things that way with my pregnancy with my son, his arrival and first months would have been much different, and likely far better. Having peace at the end of pregnancy is extremely important, and you need to remain positive. If that means limiting/cutting contact temporarily and keeping some topics off-limits, than so be it.

[nubianamy]

I think you explained things very well in your original post. Could you share that with her?

[AKA_PI]

*hugs* Don't let her stress you. This is your birth.

[so_blessed]

Keep your chin up and stick to your instincts. When she sees how your new baby thrives on breastmilk alone and with all of the wonderful things you are doing for you and your baby, she's bound to see that you are right!

[Kidzaplenty]

[julesinottawa]

I agree with a couple of the previous posters. You need to let her know what's on your mind. At least a month and a half ago my mother was going on about how huge my belly was getting (for my previous pregnancies she lived too far away to see me). She kept saying I looked like I was ready to deliver the next day. It was really getting on my nerves. So finally I just looked her right in face and said "Mom, I really don't need that type of comment right now. I understand my belly is big, I've been pregnant before. The last thing I need is being reminded over and over how huge I am. Please stop". And it pretty much worked.

I hope you are able to resolve this with her.