What is the right response? - Page 2

[pinksprklybarefoot]

This is very helpful. I think you guys are right - the one-word acknowledgement and then repeating what she should be doing is probably the best tactic.

Things have been a little frustrating around here lately - Every. Little Thing is like pulling teeth. It probably doesn't help that I am WAY less tolerant of attitude than DF is (and maybe her mom? Not to hear her tell it, but I can't really say). I'm just not going to be treated in a disrepectful way in my own home, not by anyone. Granted, she treats DF worse than she treats me, but I think that is just because he lets it go on too long before correcting her.

It's getting to be a problem, though. She hits/raises her hand to hit DF fairly regularly when she gets mad. In the last few weeks, there have been a few instances when she has hit DS (who is 16 mo) or hurt the dog in anger. She also told DF and I that she wanted to kill us because she didn't want to leave the park.

It's going to be a long summer.

[3_opihi]

Ah, those sound really difficult! But, I have to add my bio kids are more apt to these tactics at the moment than my stepkids. They really love to say - "but Mo-om, we get to do x,y,z" at DAD's house!", while looking furtively at me out the corner of their eyes.

What I want to say is, "wow, you're so lucky you even get to do it at all!" But I usually just say, "hmm, how nice." and move on.

Also, to the above poster - I think those are just normal kid things, maybe aggravated by stepkidness, but still normal kid stuff nonetheless. I would take it as a sign that she feels really comfortable and accepted around you. Not that it's ok!

[kittn]

Originally Posted by pinksprklybarefoot

I need a non-emotional, non-judgemental, neutral response for when I have to make DSD do something that she doesn't want to do (brush her teeth, for example) and she replies with "I wish I was with my mom/I hate this house." I know she does this at both houses. I know it has nothing to do with me, it's just that she doesn't want to brush her teeth. I know that most times, her mom would make her brush her teeth, too.

I basically need a canned response to repeat ad nauseum every time she says this. If I just have the same old boring response, I think she'll stop saying it because it won't push any buttons.

Suggestions?

I use the response
"thank you for sharing that with me now we need to *insert activity*" Non emotional, they get heard and you can use it for everything

[aricha]

I ususally respond by acknowleging the underlying reason, not the stated reason. For example, if she doesn't want to brush her teeth and says she wishes she was at mommy's I would probably say "I understand you don't want to brush your teeth, but it's important to keep your body healthy. Do you want fruity toothpaste or strawberry tonight?"

My husband is GREAT at changing the tone of the interaction to avoid the power struggle, so he might say something like "If you don't want to brush your teeth yet, maybe it is time to brush your belly button first!" then, with gusto, start brushing her belly button instead... he can usually laugh both of them out of most any situation before it becomes a struggle.

[ProtoLawyer]

Originally Posted by aricha

My husband is GREAT at changing the tone of the interaction to avoid the power struggle, so he might say something like "If you don't want to brush your teeth yet, maybe it is time to brush your belly button first!" then, with gusto, start brushing her belly button instead... he can usually laugh both of them out of most any situation before it becomes a struggle.

I do that, too--or I let SD spit into the bathtub or toilet, which she finds hilarious.