July Dating Thread

[BelovedK]

Well, the crickets are still chirping over here.

Dating is not where I am focusing my attention, though I love hearing your stories, and am always available for fashion advice

I feel I am ready to date, I have grown enough to have a healthy relationship and I will meet someone when the time is right.

Who knows, maybe I will post something in this thread before the month is up...

How is everyone?

[rainbowmoon]

my news is, I am totally falling in love with someone I met online! He is absolutely perfect!!! It's only been a month since we started chatting, so it's overwhelming (and we have not met IRL yet) but I have plans to travel across country to meet him in just another month! weeeee! :

keep your : mamas!

[MsChatsAlot]

Oh, I am soooooooo happy for you! I rarely pop in on this thred, but when I saw your name I had to come read!

You truly deserve a loving, healthy & happy relationship. Enjoy your journey!!!:

[rainbowmoon]

thanks mama!!!

[mmace]

That is wonderrful, April - I am very happy for you!

My sweetie and I have been together for just over a year now. I posted about it last month, about some problems I am having, and got no response - I guess this is more a thread for real dating, not long-term dating, but I don't really fit in on the other thread because we are not married or living together....

[rainbowmoon]

I think this thread tends to die a little here and there. definitely post again here Marissa! we'll try to help!

[Holland73]

Originally Posted by rainbowmoon

I think this thread tends to die a little here and there. definitely post again here Marissa! we'll try to help!

:

I remember your post and being able to nod my head in agreement with your dilemma, but I never got a chance to post...too easily distracted.

I am also bummed when bf doesn't come over in the evening, due to various reasons (mostly work-related for him). So, I totally understand how you feel.

Sometimes, depending on what is going on in my life, I can feel very insecure or freak myself out when he doesn't come over. I try to journal through those moments...or talk to a friend who can knock some sense into me.

Additionally, I try to have alternative 'fun' me time activities whenever he isn't over. Perhaps, I watch that sappy romance movie that he would roll his eyes through. Spend lots of time on MDC. Read a sappy romance novel, that is a guilty pleasure he knows nothing about...yet A lot of times, I just like the opportunity to go to bed early.

Turn the bummed feeling around...think of it as an opportunity to do something for you.

Does that help?

[BelovedK]

Originally Posted by mmace

That is wonderrful, April - I am very happy for you!

My sweetie and I have been together for just over a year now. I posted about it last month, about some problems I am having, and got no response - I guess this is more a thread for real dating, not long-term dating, but I don't really fit in on the other thread because we are not married or living together....

This is the thread for you If your post got lost in the shuffle, I am sorry, post again about it. Sometimes there are a ton of new posts and things just get buried

[mmace]

Thanks ladies, I really didn't mean it to be as woe-is-me as it sounded!

My problem is that this in-between stage is driving me freaking nuts. We plan to get married. We're just trying to get a few ducks in a row first. With two houses and four kids, him working full-time, me working part-time, taking the kids here there and everywhere, etc. etc. etc. (and yes, sometime even just needing to sleep!) we're having a hard time balancing things. We want to be together every night but don't plan to move in together until we are married. When he is here it's great, when he can't be I'm bumming (and I *know* he can't be in my head, but my heart hurts!). And yes, Holland, at times I can also feel pretty insecure. And I hate the whole all day wondering "Will we see each other tonight or not?" question that goes through my head again and again and again. UGH! Any sage advice for me?

[Holland73]

Originally Posted by mmace

And I hate the whole all day wondering "Will we see each other tonight or not?" question that goes through my head again and again and again. UGH! Any sage advice for me?

I find that when I have those moments (not as often anymore, thank goodness), it typically means that I need to connect with him (which happens because he has such a crazy schedule and is often distracted with work when he is here) OR I need to re-connect with myself.

[mmace]

I can definitely agree with that.

I think for me, just *knowing* that we'll get a bit of time together every day would be enough. I mean this - if we were married and all living in the same house, even if we were both busy all day, tied up with the kids in the evenings running in two different directions, or like tonight, me headed to my Bible study and him going out on the Harley for a couple of hours with his friend, at least knowing that we were both going to crawl into the same bed and sleep in each other's arms would be enough.

Okay, I truly think I'm starting to drive myself crazy now. I don't know how I can fix how I'm feeling. I really don't.

[Holland73]

Originally Posted by mmace

at least knowing that we were both going to crawl into the same bed and sleep in each other's arms would be enough.

I agree with you on that one!

Originally Posted by mmace

Okay, I truly think I'm starting to drive myself crazy now. I don't know how I can fix how I'm feeling. I really don't.

Go do something you LOVE to do...something that empowers you. Something that makes you happy, that does not have anything to do with your bf.

[MsChatsAlot]

Originally Posted by mmace

And I hate the whole all day wondering "Will we see each other tonight or not?" question that goes through my head again and again and again. UGH! Any sage advice for me?

My advice is to try to be in the moment as much as possible.

I am somewhat amused by life and the grass looks greener concept. I have single friends who would kill to be partnered, partnered friends dreaming of a single life, friends without kids wanting them, friends with kids wanting more time alone. The point is, no matter what stage in life we are at, it's good to enjoy it in the moment of it. I'm guessing that this will be the last time you date, the last man you move in with, your last marriage. Enjoy this stage for what it is, because in 7 or 8 years when things feel a bit ho-hum, it will be nice to fondly remember this time now.

It's nice to have time to ourselves, a bed to ourselves (sometimes) and all of that is enhanced so much more knowing you have someone who loves you and wants to be with you even though they aren't physically in the moment.

I have found that being present in the moment is a far easier way to live and makes everything seem somewhat more enjoyable. There are times for planning ahead and times for looking back with pleasure, but mostly, life is really happening right now, so enjoy where you are and make the most of it.

[mmace]

Thank you. You just totally made me cry. And a few months ago I said practically the same thing to myself, and I was able to do that for a while. I'm not sure where I lost it or why, but thank you for reminding me.

[Still_Snarky]

marissa, nothing specific to add as far as advice, just my own experience during these past 9 months... my relationship with d has moved really fast, for all intents and purposes he's living here now but there was this awkward few months where he was sometimes here and sometimes at his place. it's a strange limbo... for me it was more about not knowing what the boundaries should be during that time. i didn't want him to feel hassled but i'd want to know would he be here for dinner, i'd find myself stressing over little stuff like that. i think i put a lot of energy into simply wondering if/when we'd see each other and how much claim on him i could make given three kids, two houses, sports, jobs, crazy ex's. and it's so true that even knowing you'll be sleeping in bed next to each other, even if it's the only time you see each other all day, it's a comfort. but yeah, living in the moment is a good thing when you can pull it off.

[mmace]

Maybe what I was feeling was way off. We talked for a bit last night about some things, and I think he is actually going to end it.

[Holland73]

Originally Posted by mmace

I think he is actually going to end it.

End the relationship?

What happened????

[Still_Snarky]

oh no! is everything okay?

[Holland73]

Made a "great" impression

Bf had a meeting with the founders of the organization whose fundraiser we attended last week. He is working with them on setting up a men's support group for eating disorders.

Anyway, according to him, all three women were in agreement that "his wife (me) was great." He said they all really liked me.

[cycle]

Originally Posted by mmace

Maybe what I was feeling was way off. We talked for a bit last night about some things, and I think he is actually going to end it.

Oh no!

I'm sorry, what happened?