July Dating Thread - Page 3

[mmace]

I have an update and I'd really like to hear what thoughts others have, but it just feels too raw and personal to put out there for everyone in the world to see right now. :-(

[BelovedK]

I hope everything is okay

[rainbowmoon]

Marissa
if you need someone to talk to, vent at,etc. feel free to PM me.

[Zeta]

I've been thinking about you and hoping all was well. Feel free to PM me if you need a sympathetic ear.

Above all, know that you will be okay. Your life is much larger than this relationship, regardless of what is happening there. You are on a path, and nothing can stop you from having a fabulous life.

[Zeta]

While I'm posting I'll just post an update here. Bf and I are doing well. I had been thinking of having him move in this fall, but not any more. I have decided that it's best for me to become financially self-supporting first (I am still getting on my feet, dipping into my dwindling savings each month), and to really give the relationship space to grow to the point that it really feels stable. I am thinking that I will probably let it be as it is until or unless we decide to get married, which is a long way off. We are still learning about intimacy, trust and conflict resolution together, and that takes time. I still get spooked sometimes when things are off track.

Meanwhile he is looking to move to a town in between where I live and where his children live (with his x). He's an hour away now, and hopefully this fall it'll be more like 30 minutes.

But each time I am with him I feel a deeper appreciation for him and the relationship. I had to go on a trip around the state recently for a class, and he took the kids and met us at the hotel each night so that I wouldn't have to be away from the kids all that time (or pay a babysitter for all those days and nights!). He is so supportive and generous. One night the kids had the pukes all night, and he helped out so compassionately, and the next day he let me go off with my class without knowing if they would be better or not (they were).

Anyway that class got me launched into a new career direction. It uses my degree from over a decade ago, which I had abandoned, and takes it into a new direction that I am excited about and that has jobs in it. I will be taking more classes this fall in it, and even considering doing a PhD in it on the side (greedy!!). So I definitely feel like my life is moving forward. I still have so many uncertainties but step by step we have been okay so far and I trust the same will continue to be true. I look forward to being fully self-supporting for the first time in my life.

[MsChatsAlot]

robinchap...
It sounds like you are in a lovely place with a lovely relationship. I have been there before, where I knew that I was better for being with this man and loving him than ending it in case I got hurt. It's a wonderful place to be and I hope you continue to enjoy it together.

estrella...
It is nice to have male attention. I would be really upfront with him next time he flirts. I would say something like, "I really like being with you, but honestly, I wouldn't even entertain the thought while you are in another relationship. And if you aren't happy in that relationship, you need to clear it up before I would even consider getting into anything with you."

mmace...
I'm sending you some love & support.

Zeta...
You sound like you're in a great place. It takes a strong person to really want to have their life in order before moving forward with someone. That will really benefit you in the long run!!! Enjoy!

[Rosehip]

I don't feel ready to date yet, but I would kind of like to poke around on the internet dating sites...do I have to put up a profile to look @ other profiles? I don't want to put up a profile right now. I'd also rather not pay at this point...Thanks!

[srenea04]

Well......I"m almost afraid to jinx things.
But I think that I have finally met a wonderful man.
Little history:
We have chatted on and off online since March 07 but for various reasons that we have just chalked up to it wasn't the right time for us we didn't have a date until March 08. So right now we are actually past 3 months of dating which makes it the longest dating relationship that I have had before they disappeared. (I truly started to wonder what it was about me that made the seemingly good guys just vanish around the three month mark.)

So I have been fighting all the fears that this one is going to do the same thing and it is something about me or the fact that I have four kids, blah, blah, blah.

But I'm really trying to take it one day at a time and allow myself to hope and trust that this one can be different.
Couple of good points:
My brother has actually met him and hit it off so well that they ended up having a 3 hour conversation in my driveway. Also since it was a casual group I allowed my kids around and he had no problems there what so ever.
He reminds me of my dad a lot...which even with all my dad's faults I love him dearly and he is a good man.
His PARENTS actually know about me, know that I have four kids and all sorts of other details. He even confessed that he had a conversation with his dad when he was concerned about being involved with someone that had small kids. (His dad is not his bio dad and had married his mom when he was 5)
His FRIENDS know about me. Which to me is something else that I'm not use to and people keep telling me that is a good thing.

The biggest thing of all that has the butterflies in my stomach is that he has been out of town on business a lot and so to spend time together we are having a whole weekend together. During which I'm going to be meeting his dad(his dad is hurt right now and instead of canceling our weekend he is just going to take me with) And he is making plans for a night out where I will be meeting several of his closest friends. I can tell you my stomach is doing flipflops and it is only Tues. This is uncharted territory for me.

So I have been reading up on dear MDC and keep telling myself that there really are a couple of good ones out there and they will find us(if they are smart. LOL) That's my dating excitement. I'm going to keep reading about everyone else. LOL

[rainbowmoon]

do you all think it's dangerous to let yourself fall for someone before even meeting in person? I am feeling real connection here, but my doubts are creeping in. (which I hate!)I don't want it to spoil it! Everything so far has been perfect and flowing well. He is amazing as far as I can tell!!! (gushing now!)

only 30 more days until we meet! :

[MsChatsAlot]

ToastyToes...

There are some free sites out there. I believe OKCupid may be one and PlentyofFish. They usually let you look a little without a profile, but then stop you after a few to get you to sign up. You can easily sign up with a generic/simple profile just to browse. I've found that when I do that, I rarely get any responses, but I can look all I like.

srenea04...
There are some really fabulous men out there. Just keep being in the moment with him. If you're happy and having fun, that's all that matters. If you are really just going along with the flow of the relationship, you'll know if red flags arise or not. If it keeps progressing nicely, just relax and enjoy. He is different than anyone else and so are you.

rainbowmoon...
I don't think it's crazy at all. I think we can have a connection with someone in a variety of ways. I met a man online a year or so ago. I knew by the second email that he was something really special and after we corresponded for a few weeks, I knew I was already hooked. I just knew there was a connection. When we did meet, it was a little strange for about 20 minutes or so. Then, we started talking...and that personality in the emails and phone conversations emerged and my brain went "Hey...THIS is the guy you've been totally into." From that moment on it was all fireworks and loveliness. Trust yourself and go with what feels right.

[JenniferH]

I "met" a really great guy online (re: my other post about a 5 yrs younger man) and we are going on a real date at the end of the month. Even though we have just texted/im/phoned there are plenty of fireworks flying around.

So far I like what I've seen/heard and just letting things go wherever they may go. Even if we just end up as friends, I'm really glad I responded to his intial IM. I wasn't going to at first, but boy am I GLAD I did! :

I feel all giddy when I think about meeting him. He's genuine, candid, intelligent, and really has his act together. (Did I mention that he's hot AND he thinks I'm hot?)

[Still_Snarky]

you doing okay marissa?

[JenniferH]

Come back and post when you can. We are here for you.

[estrella]

Originally Posted by rainbowmoon

do you all think it's dangerous to let yourself fall for someone before even meeting in person? I
:

Rainbowmoon, I think it's possible for people to feel connections over the internet. I've never had an online relationship, but I've had emails where the tone and emotion just come through crystal clear. It's easier for me to believe that hearts and spirits can communicate over such a large distance than it is for me to believe my email can reach Japan instantaneously, which I witnessed once when on the phone with someone in Japan who "just hit send, and there was the email, instantly). (I don't know if I explained that well). I guess what I'm saying is that if technology can travel that speed and distance, so can spiritual connections.

I would be careful about projecting though. Sometimes people project things onto people they don't know well (they "see" how they want them to be). I'm not saying you're doing that, but I know I've done it in the past.

I'm also not one to take dating advice from. I'm just getting my baby toe wet after a decade of being out of that. :

[estrella]

Originally Posted by rainbowmoon

do you all think it's dangerous to let yourself fall for someone before even meeting in person? I
:

Rainbowmoon, I think it's possible for people to feel connections over the internet. I've never had an online relationship, but I've had emails where the tone and emotion just come through crystal clear. It's easier for me to believe that hearts and spirits can communicate over such a large distance than it is for me to believe my email can reach Japan instantaneously, which I witnessed once when on the phone with someone in Japan who "just hit send, and there was the email, instantly). (I don't know if I explained that well). I guess what I'm saying is that if technology can travel that speed and distance, so can spiritual connections.

I would be careful about projecting though. Sometimes people project things onto people they don't know well (they "see" how they want them to be). I'm not saying you're doing that, but I know I've done it in the past.

I'm also not one to take dating advice from. I'm just getting my baby toe wet after a decade of being out of that. :

[estrella]

Originally Posted by MsChatsAlot

estrella...
It is nice to have male attention. I would be really upfront with him next time he flirts. I would say something like, "I really like being with you, but honestly, I wouldn't even entertain the thought while you are in another relationship. And if you aren't happy in that relationship, you need to clear it up before I would even consider getting into anything with you."

Yeah, MsChatsAlot, thanks for your reply. That's what I think too, but I needed validation because there are SOME confusing feelings like maybe I want him to break up with her, but I don't want to be the reason for it (per se, and she might be way better for him than me, so in that case, I don't really want him to break up with her for me. You know, he could be losing a sure thing for someone who is in all honesty not ready for anything too serious).

I want to just enjoy my friendship and working relationship with him, but the flirting just confuses the issue (and it's subtle flirting, so it's really hard to "call him on it)."

Though we did talk a few days ago, and he asked me about my 4th of July weekend. He's always interested in what I do on the weekends. I told him I took my kids hiking with some mutual friends of ours. I said I thought about inviting him because I know he loves to hike, but I didn't bc "I figured he'd be busy" (with girlfriend, who won't go hiking, and he loves hiking and never goes. We talked about this a few weeks ago, how he loves it and she won't go, and he doesn't really know other people that hike).

So after I told him about my hike, he said, "I'm going to have some time open in the next few weeks when my girlfriend is out of town for three weeks. We should go out to the mountains." The whole "we should hang out when my gf is out of town" thing makes me nervous. I think I'll go though because our relationship is currently openly defined as FRIENDS. And maybe I'm totally reading too much into anything he says. The hike, if we even end up going, will be a good opportunity to gauge the situation more clearly.

See, I was enjoying an innocent infatuation that I never intended with my actions to have go anywhere. He was a "safe guy" for me to think about while I was getting through my separation and divorce and thinking about reentering the singles world. Now that he's turned some attention onto me, I feel myself wanting to reciprocate, but I WON'T while he's in a relationship.

Problem is, I still have to see this man often for work. And today, (can you believe this?), he actually postponed a meeting with ME, so he could be on a conference call with Barack Obama. (Ha Ha, I'm being sarcastic about the me part ). I swear this guy is brilliant. I definitely don't want to mess up our work relationship in any way because we are a great team together, and I sometimes think there's true magic working through our offices. Like, consciousness-changing magic. I mean, that magic is all over the universe, but it's portaling through our work, I really believe it is.

::

Hah, hah, hah! At first I thought the "good vibes" smiley was smoking! It's not, it's sending good vibes. I'm just getting used to these smileys and things.

[rainbowmoon]

wow Obama huh? that's impressive!

[srenea04]

Thanks MsChatsaLot.....
I am trying to calm down my fears and just let what happens happen. I can't control it anyway. I even talked to my brother about my fears(we were having a conversation and he mentioned letting parents know about my bf).

I'm going to go spend the weekend with him and even though his dad is actually going to be in the house I'm looking forward to just have a nice quiet weekend as a couple. Of course he has mentioned the whole having to take care of his dad three or four times. He was actually worried that I would have a problem with him having to do things to make sure his dad was o.k. and not being able to give his complete attention to me. It is weird to have a man that worried about whether or not I'm going to be o.k. with something.

I'm really looking forward to just a nice quiet weekend. No house, no kids, no work. I'm just going to take whatever happens as it comes. (Or try really hard not to over think about it. LOL)

I'll be back with an update....hope everyone has a great weekend!!!!!

[Holland73]

Bf, family and 5th birthdays

So...I took my bf this weekend to OR to meet my family (ALL of my family: parents, brother, aunts, uncles, grandmas, cousins, etc) and to celebrate ds' 5th birthday.

Hmmm, how do I explain how it went???? :::jum pers:::: carrot

Ok, I think that about covers exactly how it went!

Seriously, it was wonderful. Everyone loved everyone.

There has been a really wonderful shift this weekend in our relationship, mostly due to my working through some of my issues...and playing the "what if" game. ()

I was really able to be 150% myself, which is what I had been forgetting to be for the past few weeks. Additionally, I kept forgetting that is the girl that bf fell for earlier on. Therefore, it's nice to be back! And even nicer to see bf respond to my delayed return so positively.

[Ana_Isabel]

Does BF have kids? How is he with yours?

Hi Guys!
I'm in a fun, loving, wonderful relationship with a man whose been my best friend for a long time.
We have been dating for close to 6 months, been close friends for almost two years.

he is single, of course...but always has been. Never married. Never kids. I'm his first serious relationship (the man in 37!) Not because he's dated alot...the opposite...he is very used to life on his own.

He's great with my son...but I think he still "does not get it". Does not fully understand life with a young child.

What about your boyfriends??? Do they have kids of their own? How are they with your kids? Anyone else think that BF does not fully get the tremendous nature of being a parent???

SHARE! :-)