never mind

[prairieo]

*

[Kidzaplenty]

I don't know what to tell you. Most here would probably not agree with me anyways, since I am a bit (ok a LOT) more conservative than most here.

But here is what I would say. If my DH were looking somewhere else now, I don't know that I would trust him to be here later. Searching out young, naked girls on-line is just the beginning of a down hill run, at least to me. And I would have to think long and hard before going on. And IF I went on (with him), it would be under the condition that I was his one and only (real or imagined).

I am unwilling to share.

But, like I said, I am a bit more conservative than most here. I would not put up with it.

[veganf]

It wouldn't bother me personally if it was just porn for fun, as long as he's not actively looking for someone else to be with--and he hadn't signed up for emails so I guess that's good. But you know what you're comfortable with, and you should talk to him about it if it bothers you. Certainly pregnancy hormones can make one more judgmental, but it's an important concern regardless.

[seb]

As a guy, I will tell you just looking at pics means little to nothing a lot of times.

But you said this guy isn't emotionally bonded with you and won't tell you he loves you. Why put so much energy into meeting his sexual needs (such as the 3 way) when you are pregnant with his child and aren't getting what you need met?

I guess what you have to ask yourself is what are you looking for in this relationship. Do you think that he will suddenly emotionally attach to you and the child after the birth? Do you see yourself with this man long term or is he just around for fun (which is what it sounds like from what you wrote).

I'm just unsure what you are asking here, because there doesn't seem like a lot to work with.

[Amila]

Dh and I have an "open porn policy" lol. We both do it, but it is out in the open, doesn't bother one another, and it is just for fun- none of those "meet up in real life things." I think that would be the difference for me. That would NOT be cool, even if he WAS just looking.

[aprilsfools]

I would be much more concerned with the fact that he cannot tell if he loves you, than the fact that he is looking at porn. I have been in this situation before (where they can't make up their mind) and in my experience it never turns out good. I know that some relationships do develop over time, but at this point, IMO, he SHOULD know.

I really am not trying to be harsh, but just because you are having a baby together does not mean that he is the right one for you. IMO, it sounds like you deserve SO much better.

[Lorette]

Originally Posted by aprilsfools

I would be much more concerned with the fact that he cannot tell if he loves you, than the fact that he is looking at porn. I have been in this situation before (where they can't make up their mind) and in my experience it never turns out good. I know that some relationships do develop over time, but at this point, IMO, he SHOULD know.

I really am not trying to be harsh, but just because you are having a baby together does not mean that he is the right one for you. IMO, it sounds like you deserve SO much better.

I agree with this.
You seem to be worrying about him looking at porn when the real issue is that you are putting more into the relationship than he is. If he can't say he loves you and you love him, it's really not a good thing.
To me the looking at porn is a side issue and not really all that important.
I hope everything works out for you.

Lorette

[prairieo]

you know what, let's forget it. I don't really want to hear people's responses. thanks anywyas, though.

[AmyC]

I just thought of this after reading some of the responses....my cousin was not ready for commitment when his girlfriend got pregnant. She was older (he was an adult, but probably 9 years younger than she was) and she definitely wanted the baby and was ready to be a mom, so she told him he could be involved or whatever he wanted. She was not interested in pushing for commitment and her priority was the baby (though I think she loved my cousin.)

He stayed with her and thought they would take it as it came, starting with the baby. He decided to "be a dad" and was there for them from the beginning. I think he figured out his feelings & degree of commitment with time and experience, and was able to feel he was choosing it. A couple of years later, they got married and they had a second son when the first was about 5 years old. Gosh, both boys are so big, now. About 8 and 13, I think. Maybe older.

Anyway, it's obvious that everyone's story is different and every journey is unique, but that particular progression of events & feelings & emotional preparation came to mind when I read other people's misgivings about your situation. Not that those misgivings are invalid, but just that one ambivalent point in the journey isn't necessarily telling for the future.

I didn't post before (when I saw your thread) because I wasn't sure "what I would do," so I didn't know how to answer your question. I hope it's not totally lame of me to post a response after you deleted your original post and said you didn't care to hear responses. If it's totally lame of me, I am sorry!

[pazerific]

[prairieo]

Amy, thank you for your response. I'm glad you wrote it...I just don't want to hear the "he's not worth it" and "what do you expect" responses. I went into this like your friend, except I am already a mom, I ended up pregnant, and decided that I wanted to have this baby. Things have been kindof up and down throughout, but I am SOOO committed to the baby, and I know he loves me, but just can't say it. I have felt all along like he would get there, that he would pull through for me, and that he would find whatever healing that he needed to be able to trust in us, because we have a really great thing in so many ways.

After i posted here, I went in to my room where he was sleeping and asked him to leave, which is not what I wanted...I wanted him to talk to me. He left, and now I feel so devastated. I begged him to come back and just be really honest with me about how he feels about me. I told him I can't function anymore without knowing...I don't know, I don't think he can do it, and I don't think I can live with him not being able to. So I've jsut been sitting here crying and wishing for this impossible little leap and trying to figure out what I will do if it doesn't happen.

anyways, thanks for your reply. sorry about the long rant.

[ekblad9]

BTDT and it's really hard. I'm sorry you're dealing with this. It's all too common these days.