My MIL spanked my daughter! - Page 4

[elizawill]

shawna, i would be very upset if someone hit my child. you have every right to be angry. the fact that you were home makes it even more unacceptable imo, as i believe no one should discipline my kids if i am there. if an issue arises & i'm in another room, they can just come to me and let me know what happened...i can and will handle it. ykwim? i am the parent.

how has it been since the incident? did your dh talk to your in-laws? did anything get resolved?


oh - we cross-posted. i just read your answer. i'm glad things are somewhat resolved.

[paphia]

I live with my mil and I don't trust her to be responsible with my children. She has some slight mental and physical issues that makes her, in my opinion, unsafe. She's tried to offer my dd cat poop as food (found it on the floor and thought it was a cookie), spoiled milk she found in the fridge (I only offer dd soymilk but my sis drinks cow's and never finishes it and never clears it out promptly), and just yesterday, burning hot chicken nuggets! : I have specifically told her she is not to offer any food or drink to my daughter under any circumstances but she doesn't respect my wishes (obviously) since I was standing right next to her yesterday when she was trying to give dd the chicken and I'm telling her No it's too hot and she's still going through the motions.

My solution to this and the fact that I don't think she's gentle enough when handling dd, is that I don't ever EVER leave dd alone with MIL. If she goes downstairs, I don't care if ds just fell asleep in my arms and I'm all settled in on the couch after only 2 hours of sleep the night before, I get up and follow her and supervise all interaction. I'm sure my MIL feels that I am silently hostile towards her but really I could care less. I don't trust her and she continually reinforces that lack of trust by doing things I consider unsafe or flat-out ignoring me when I give her a direct request like "don't give that chicken to dd it's too hot". Luckily my dd, even at 2, is very smart and handed the hot chicken to me before even trying it. And she was smarter than MIL and was not interested in eating poop or sour milk, for those who were wondering.

OP, I am glad you are dealing with your ILs to everyone's satisfaction. If they continue to disappoint you in their choices of action, my only solution is to supervise all interaction or set your house up in such a way that you limit your kids' access to common areas so that you know the kids won't be wandering into their presence without your supervision. That's what I have to do. It really sucks that I live with extended family but I have to act as though I am singly responsible for my kids 100% of the time when dh isn't around, but that is my life right now and it's tiring but better than worrying MIL is going to hurt my kids.

[AngelBee]

Originally Posted by Stinkerbell

Is MIL normally a 'spanker"? Meaning, does she believe that YOU should spank your children?

I only ask because she may need help learning other methods and controlling herself in that situation. It's absolutely IMPERATIVE that she not hit your children (especially knowing it is not okay with you!!) but that doesn't mean it will come easy for her.

I am not justifying MIL's actions in anyway at all...I probably would have lost my mind if I were you! But I'm saying if you know this is likely to be a problem in the future, you might have to help her find a better method.

I dont know your situation but I am always quick to consider that a grandparent's role in their grandchildren's lives should be preserved if possible.

Great advice.

[AngelBee]

Originally Posted by Heavenly

Sorry I forgot to check back on this thread. I normally check my posts through the search function and I forgot about it until today. We had a family meeting that night and we all sat down and said our parts. They have agreed not to use physical discipline again but they wanted to know which discipline rights they are allowed to have because they are alone with the children frequently. We've told them we are perfectly comfortable with sending the children to their room for time out or with removing a privilige directly linked to the offense. In the situation above the children were not misbehaving in the pool, FIL just didn't mention to the kids he was going out in 20 minutes. My daughter is disciplined for tantrums and such and I find the posts from those insinuating otherwise insulting. Nothing in my OP would lead you to believe that. Yes she is 5 and should be able to control her emotions better but she does have some emotional issues (post-traumatic stress) and the in-laws do know this. Anyways things have been okay since then and my in-laws are now away on vacation until July 19 so we have the house (and the pool) to ourselves which is nice.

Sounds like you did a wonderful job handling things.

[AngelBee]

Originally Posted by Heavenly

They aren't providing any service and they sure as hell aren't "raising" my children. My DH and I are raising our children but we do live with my in-laws so yes, they do have more contact with the children than the average grandparents. When the incident happened I was in our apartment (the basement) doing some work while my youngest napped. Pardon me for not being with my kids every single solitary second of their lives!

We live in a multi-generaltional home right now as well.

There is myself, dh, our 4 children, cat, dog, another dog (my sis dog I grew up with), my mom, my dad (whom are divorced), my sister, and my brother...both adults.

My children are around family a TON! Right now the boys are taking a bath. My mom is watching them. My dd is watching TV in my sis room and the littlest is with daddy playing guitar hero.

I guess that means I am letting others raise my babies too!

[Kathryn B]

Originally Posted by Heavenly

How old are your children again? You unrealistic advice sounds exactly like that of someone who doesn't actually have older children.

My children are 16, 15, 12 and 4. I also have cared for several nieces and nephews as they have been various ages as well. Based on experience, I do not think my advice is unrealistic at all, but I can understand why you might think so.

[phathui5]

Do other people's children, when in a state as described in the op (naked, screaming, slamming doors-type fit) actually go to their room when sent? Because, when my dd is that out of control, she needs physical "help" going to her room. I would not want anyone other than her father or me doing that, though, because it is hands-on and involves some physical forcefulness.

My seven year old has no trouble going to his room when sent. My four year old does need to be led or carried there. Anyone who I trust enough to let babysit, I would be ok with them escorting a misbehaving child to their room.