Does your 2 y/o listen well?

[Smalls181]

My daughter is 27 months and no, I do not expect her to be a good listener at this point. She is getting better as she matures, but often she runs away when I tell her to stop (and boy is she fast!) and throws hard objects in crowded indoor places. I realize all of the stuff about impulse control and not being able to understand natural consequences yet.

I see other kids around around her age that are better at listening when mom says stop. Often times its people I dont know so who knows what unsavory tactics they have used to elicit such responsiveness.

For those of you who are non-punitive, how well does your young 2 year old listen? Any tips on maintaining np, and still getting a positive response from her?

[Bellejar]

no, no, no can I say it again no. My 4 year old didn't listen at two, my two year old doesn't listen well now and probably won't for awhile. I always had to get down to their level and make eye contact, to make sure they were listening. I also found that making her repeat things back to me or asking, what did mommy say? helped because if she said what I said back I knew she heard and understood, but I don't know how verbal your two year old is. good luck.

[Smalls181]

Not too verbal yet. She is putting together new sentences every day, but they are more observations about her world. "Thats a green truck. thats a white car." "caseys in the house." I dont want to under estimate her ability to understand me, though.

[LilWin]

DD is 3 now, and she still doesn't listen, although it has improved a little bit. :-) I think it is normal, or at least I hope so.

[Spirit Dancer]

I actually DO expect my 2 year old to listen (within reason) and he does fairly often. We are working on it. Quite often he does not but I do have the expectation. He is capable of obeying simple requests.
Example. I expect him to come when I call him. He does 75% of the time. The times he does not I ALWAYS go to him get down at his level and say "You come when mommy calls you" and the lead him over to where I want him.
I think consistency is the main key at this age.
He is 26 months btw.

[mamaduck]

DH was reading the thread titles over my shoulder and cracked up laughing at your title! He said, "Don't be silly! Two-year olds? Listen? Right." Not just our children either, he taught 2-yo. sunday school for several years and we babysit lots of little nephews. They don't listen. Every direction requires that we get up, walk over, and "help" them follow through.

I see other kids around around her age that are better at listening when mom says stop. Often times its people I dont know so who knows what unsavory tactics they have used to elicit such responsiveness.

I don't know if I would look at it this way. Some kids are a handful at age 2 regardless of discipline tactics. Some misbehave MORE as a result of "unsavory tactics." Some are successfully cowed. And then there the odd handful of little 2-year olds who are still easy, cooperative and pleasant just because they have laid back natures! I think it is luck of the draw.

[Smalls181]

Originally Posted by mamaduck

I don't know if I would look at it this way. Some kids are a handful at age 2 regardless of discipline tactics. Some misbehave MORE as a result of "unsavory tactics." Some are successfully cowed. And then there the odd handful of little 2-year olds who are still easy, cooperative and pleasant just because they have laid back natures! I think it is luck of the draw.

Yes, you are right. I should have said that they MAY be using those tactics. One friend of mind has a very laid back toddler who just goes with the flow and listens well, and I know she is a very gentle mommy. On the other hand, I know a mom who is a "shrieker" and her daughter listens most of the time.

IDK, I think my dd thinks its all just one big game. "If I throw, mom comes after me, so I run, then she chases me, then I run faster" all the while giggling. I am not too worried about this, like I said. Just rather curious as to others experiences with 2 year olds.

[sunny*pa*mom]

Originally Posted by mamaduck

Some kids are a handful at age 2 regardless of discipline tactics. Some misbehave MORE as a result of "unsavory tactics." Some are successfully cowed. And then there the odd handful of little 2-year olds who are still easy, cooperative and pleasant just because they have laid back natures! I think it is luck of the draw.

ITA. I have had one of each. My first son always did what he was asked and given the option always made the right decision (meaning, he would not run into the street or put his hand on the stove or take a running dive onto the poor old dog). My other son is the total opposite. We can't just tell him anything, we need to actively help him almost all the time. I'm always reminding my dh that we have to get up and parent him. We just actively parent and repeat ourselves a lot. I have faith that being gentle and non-punitive will pay off in the long run.

[allgirls]

Oh, they always listen..they just refuse to do what they've heard

I am not big on obedience and work more towards mutual agreement and good solid teaching at 2 hoping some of it goes in.

My daughter is almost 3 now(October) and I don't expect her to obey me but we have a few "emergency" words that will stop her...."freeze" helps with danger and we've played the freeze game and if she gets away from me it's the back up.

I work really hard to avoid powerstruggles and expecting obedience often leads in that direction. We have some very solid boundaries with regards to personal space, safety and respect.

My kids at two had varying degrees of impulsivity and the more impulsive ones were more difficult to get to "listen" and I think if I had been expecting compliance I would have fallen into a terrible power struggle cycle. I'm glad I gave up that expectation early on.

All that said, at two my children were pretty agreeable as long as things were discussed beforehand, expectations were laid out as to how things would likely go and surprises were kept to a minimum. I do insist that my current two year old hold my hand or get carried in a parking lot or near a busy street because she's one of the more impulsive children.

I think depending on age and temperament a two year old can be agreeable to what you tell them to do but even the most easy going one will be defiant when tired or hungry or upset.

Two is the most fun age I think though. I love two year olds

[GooeyRN]

It really depends on her mood. Sometimes she obey's perfectly, other times, not at all. Its usually in public that she does not obey. She is getting somewhat better as she nears 3. (october) I love this age!

[Smalls181]

Originally Posted by allgirls

Oh, they always listen..they just refuse to do what they've heard

I am not big on obedience and work more towards mutual agreement and good solid teaching at 2 hoping some of it goes in.

My daughter is almost 3 now(October) and I don't expect her to obey me but we have a few "emergency" words that will stop her...."freeze" helps with danger and we've played the freeze game and if she gets away from me it's the back up.

I work really hard to avoid powerstruggles and expecting obedience often leads in that direction. We have some very solid boundaries with regards to personal space, safety and respect.

My kids at two had varying degrees of impulsivity and the more impulsive ones were more difficult to get to "listen" and I think if I had been expecting compliance I would have fallen into a terrible power struggle cycle. I'm glad I gave up that expectation early on.

All that said, at two my children were pretty agreeable as long as things were discussed beforehand, expectations were laid out as to how things would likely go and surprises were kept to a minimum. I do insist that my current two year old hold my hand or get carried in a parking lot or near a busy street because she's one of the more impulsive children.

I think depending on age and temperament a two year old can be agreeable to what you tell them to do but even the most easy going one will be defiant when tired or hungry or upset.

Two is the most fun age I think though. I love two year olds

When I nannied for older kids, we always talked about expectations, and that helped a lot. And they understood danger, and respecting other people, so it wasn't a big deal. Its just that my daughter isn't there yet verbally, so thats where I struggle. And its only with those previously mentioned things; danger, and respecting others. Anything else, Im very easy going and don't require "total obedience". Definitely not my style.

[suprgrl]

We have been having a really tough time with our 31mo irt respecting others physically. He is a very physical child, and pushes his baby brother over at least daily and also pulls at the cats tails, throws the kittens, and screams in people's faces. Listen?! What is that?

Actually he does fairly well with listening in the moment, but 5 minutes later he's back doing it all again.

[ElliesMomma]

interesting. my DD who is 26 months really does listen very well and i think what you are really asking is do they obey. she generally does. she is a late talker, and i've heard that late talkers are the best listeners. interesting.

[D_McG]

Just recently DS has been listening very well (compared to how he was I guess). He's 2. I am very big on consequences though. I don't really get the whole no consequence thing. I think that helps a lot.

[Daffodil]

We don't do punishments/consequences, and my 2 year old listens well, and so did DD when she was 2. They're just naturally mellow and cooperative.

[Satori]

Originally Posted by Smalls181

IDK, I think my dd thinks its all just one big game. "If I throw, mom comes after me, so I run, then she chases me, then I run faster" all the while giggling. I am not too worried about this, like I said. Just rather curious as to others experiences with 2 year olds.

That was my older dd, she grew into the kid who does things just to get a rise out of you. We've been though a lot of hell and therapy becasue of it. The baby is following the same path and I am trying to nip it in the bud without much luck

[SkyMomma]

My DS did listen when he was two...for the most part . He was (still is) very verbal & I always expected him to understand me. Although, for directives/rules I simplified things: "Gentle touch for the kitties". I think what worked was just repetition, repetition, repetition...and repetition. He's a super persistant, intense, strong willed child & I needed to out persist him. Other things that helped were singing the direction ("Shoes on, shoes on") & gently, but physically, guiding him while doing so. Also, saying the directive in the positive (Gentle touch) rather than negative (Don't hit).

For important things, like stopping at the street, holding hands, etc., we would practice over & over again. This was actually fun for my DS. He would walk a little bit, I would call out "stop!", he would stop in an exagerated way. Big smile. But it actually translated beautifully into the real world. We still do this when issues come up.

We did do a kind of consequence for throwing hard things...which feels like a safety issue to me (I find myself drawing a harder line about safety issues then other things). When he threw his blocks I would say:"we don't throw blocks, all done" & put the block up high, then hand him a soft ball, and say "you may throw the ball". He wasn't always happy with the substitution, but I would stay super calm & consistent about the whole thing, & the throwing blocks stage ended pretty quickly. I don't know if this is considered punitive or not, probably isn't a natural consequence, but it's what I felt right about...

I'm thinking about the word "obediance". I think that when I say "listen", I don't just mean that DS would obey. I mean that he would stop, hear me & generally do as I asked. When he didn't do as I asked, he would talk to me about it (even if just saying "no"). For me, I thinks it's more about DS understanding expectations & me listening to his needs (spoken or otherwise) and desires--and finding the balance between. As he gets older, this means less direction & more discussion. But I need to know that he understands (and obeys!) rules about safety (mostly just streets and other people's bodies). Since he does understand those rules (not just obey them), I can trust that he'll be safe, & feel good about him exploring the world more and more independently.

Sorry, this was much longer than I thought it would be... Hope it's helpful.

[ChetMC]

Listening At Two

Our oldest was an extremely rational two year old. She had a lot of common sense to begin with, and when issues did arise, she could be easily reasoned with. Her behaviour was fine most of the time, and when it wasn't, the situation was easily resolved with not much more than a quiet suggestion. She was the kind of kid you could take anywhere, any time of the day or night.

Our second at two was the opposite. She turns three in September, and she is gradually getting better with things... but when she's tired, she's still the kind of kid to run through the mall screaming, and to run faster and scream louder at any suggestion that the mall is not for running and screaming. And what really drives me crazy is that you can review the plan with her, discuss expections, negotiate a solution, blah, blah, blah, and it's all talk. She agrees, but if it doesn't suit her, then it's gone three seconds later.

We do the same things other people have suggested, and they have worked slowly. I truly believe that a lot of this stuff is habit forming. Replacing the impulse to scream or throw with something else. Often though, I feel bad for our younger DD. I think we expect a lot from her because she is very verbally advanced, and because her sister matured so quickly in terms of behaviour. I always had to keep reminding myself and DH that just because some two or two and a half year olds weren't like this, it was still very normal behaviour.

[my3peanuts]

Originally Posted by ElliesMomma

interesting. my DD who is 26 months really does listen very well and i think what you are really asking is do they obey. she generally does. she is a late talker, and i've heard that late talkers are the best listeners. interesting.

HA! My son is 22 months and is very delayed in speech and he does not listen EVER.

My son is not typical though as he has SN. At 2 years old my girls both listened pretty well.

[ma_vie_en_rose]

DD2 is almost 27mths and listens well for the most part. Most days, she is cooperative, but she certainly has her moments. I find that redirection is my best tool with her right now to avoid the power struggles.