post partum blues and my four year old

[mamatosaskia]

i am nak, so forgive typos.

i feel likei am losing it with my dd. she has turned into a totally different child and sleep deprivation has left me unable to cope. dh is still home and i am freaking out about what to do! i just cried until i gagged!

experienced second time moms-- how long will this last??? what can i do to keep me sane. i don;t particularly like my dd these days but i understand this must be so odd to her!! i feel like i am totallt failing everyone, including dh who is just as tired!!!

thxs

jacqueline

[JustVanessa]

Last week was like that for me! This week is so much better. Ds1 has settled a bit since dp went back to work and ds2 is settling into more of a routine.

It will get better!!!

[MamaHen2J&J]

It gets better!! hang in there!!

[mamatosaskia]

So what is your stragtegy when your older child acts out? My dh is all about setting strict limits and making her see that certain behavior is not ok. For example, she has started hitting us when she is frustrated. I am more likely to try and reason with her, to show her I understand she is frustrated but dh thinks she is playing me and my obvious feelings of guilt for rocking her little world.

She is also screaming at the top of her lungs when she doesn't get her way. We were going ot go to the farmer's market today but told her she needed to nap first. She refused and dh ended up taking her ot the beach! I don't know how more mixed of a signal we could give her.

I need strategies in place before dh goes back to work. I try all the other techniques, like involving her, giving her jobs, telling her about when she was a baby, etc. Ack!

Jacqueline

[SunnieP]

if ds wasnt harming anyone or anything, we ignored the behavior. if he was, he got talked to and maybe time out. make sure she's eating enough and resting enough and remember- its all about the attention. she gets more attention when she tells you no than when she agrees to your requests. try to extinguish the behavior by not fueling it with attention. my ds did the same thing this week and its getting better. dont even discuss her antics in front of her-its more attention. empathise vwith her, and know it will pass

[BirthFree]

toh
I could have written your post!! Lasts 6 - 8w... hang in there! We're in the same boat x3 siblings.

[skg_7]

I can totally relate, Mama. Our DS was a nightmare, behaviour-wise, for the first 2 or 3 weeks after DS2 was born. It's been 4 weeks now and he's SO much better. But at the time, I felt terribly conflicting emotions about both children and then of course guilt for not being more graceful and loving towards DS1 during what was his most trying time ever in his short little life.

And yes, I definiely had the blues and periodically (like today) still do.

We started off being hard-core with him, trying to set major limits, not tolerating all the acting out, etc. But we softened as time went by and we saw that he was just really hurting underneath the aggression and hyperness and extreme disobedience. And as we softened (and relaxed a little about DS2), so did DS1.

It truly will get better and you daughter will come around. My feeling is that love, compassion, and patience (within reason) will help her get there.