Advice for a Mama who had preemie twins...

[marimara]

A friend of mine had preemie twins. She had a c-section, and the twins were away from her for 3 months, though she visited almost daily. She is still pumping breastmilk for their bottles. She needs help becoming more attached to them. She is a working mama who absolutely cannot quit working. She will also be gone on long hours occasionally. She has a couple of weeks before she has to go back to work now that the babies are home. What kind of advice do you mamas have for her?

[Le Bec]

Firstly, congrats to your friend on the birth of her little ones and also for continuing to pump!

I'd probably suggest something like either, she wear her bubs when she can and/or continues to do skin to skin with them. If she's not comfortable with that then maybe just spending quiet time with them with no distractions.

When Erin came home I spent of a lot time laying next to her on our bed while she slept. Just watching her and whispering to her. I just needed that quiet time with no one else, not even DH

[marimara]

that's a really good idea about the skin to skin, I had totally forgot about that now that my own dd is almost 2! I will try to gently give her that idea, Thanks!!!

[sparklett]

Skin to skin is a great idea. She can wear the babies in a Moby wrap, both at the same time. When DS came home fromt he NICU, I would take off my shirt, put on the Moby and wear DS for hours. It helped. We would also take long baths together.

[homewithtwinsmama]

I vote lots of skin to skin, but also talking to them about what they have just experienced. Talk through the cesarean, the sadness of being separated, the pain of tests and all that. They need to process all of it as much as she does. I also recommend cranial sacral work and reiki for all of them. I did it for my preemie twin (sister died). She may also want to look into Bach Flower essences for herself.

[Dena]

Originally Posted by homewithtwinsmama

I vote lots of skin to skin, but also talking to them about what they have just experienced. Talk through the cesarean, the sadness of being separated, the pain of tests and all that. They need to process all of it as much as she does. I also recommend cranial sacral work and reiki for all of them. I did it for my preemie twin (sister died). She may also want to look into Bach Flower essences for herself.

This.

I was never separated from my surviving twin, but I was from my first dd, who was born with meconium aspiration. Lots of skin to skin, baths together, co-sleeping, plus some healing helped us both tremendously.

Also, the cranio sacral and reiki has been invaluable for me and my surviving twin to process her sister's death, and I can imagine it would also be so helpful in rebonding after a long separation.

[marimara]

I did tell her about skin to skin and she already knew about the kangaroo hold and she seemed pretty receptive to it. She's pretty much mainstream and I think she would not be open to Reiki or CS. I am a retired massage therapist and I am hoping to show her how to massage her babies, maybe that will help. Thanks for all the great replies, and I'm still listening...

[OGirlieMama]

I think all of the above are great suggestions. I also think you could tell her to just be patient with herself and let the bond grow naturally, as her time with the babies continues. I didn't personally experience this myself, but it's not uncommon for it to take a little while before a preemie mama feels like her babies are really *hers* once they come home. Also, preemies tend to take longer to do the things that make you feel like the baby is a real person - smiling, laughing, etc. Once they reach that point and become more interactive, it's pretty hard to resist the bond.

She (and you, as a good friend) should also be on the lookout for PPD and anxiety, which could stand in the way of feeling closely bonded to her babies. Preemie mamas and multiple mamas seem to be more prone to both.

On the practical side, she can carry pictures of her little ones with her when she's away from home, and post little videos on youtube, so she can always look at them and remember what it's like to hold them. It might help her to carry a couple of their little hats with her, after they've worn them - I know that smelling and touching and just seeing their little hats that came off their tiny little heads always made me feel warm, somehow.

Good luck to her. I cannot imagine having to go back to work so soon after all that, but we do what we must. They will all get through it.

[~bookcase~]

Originally Posted by homewithtwinsmama

I vote lots of skin to skin, but also talking to them about what they have just experienced. Talk through the cesarean, the sadness of being separated, the pain of tests and all that. They need to process all of it as much as she does. I also recommend cranial sacral work and reiki for all of them. I did it for my preemie twin (sister died). She may also want to look into Bach Flower essences for herself.

I've been searching the archives and came across this thread. These words make so much sense and I am grateful for them
Honestly, my heart feels ripped out right now. It's almost harder as each day goes by and my emotional stamina feels less and less. It's so unbearable to be parted and yet we go on physically acting out the moments of the day. But alas, preemie mamas, our poor broken hearts!

Sorry if sounds overly dramatic. I hear that they are alive, but it's such a far away existence. Everything feel surreal. I long for just one quiet, intimate moment with them to whisper the sweet nothings that are unique to our family and not be heard by anyone else. Then I pray we will have a long lifetime of such wonders.