"I'm too tired!"

[LemonPie]

This has been my 5 yr old's mantra lately. It really translates out to "I don't want to" and it's driving me insane. (for the record, he gets plenty of sleep and has plenty of energy to do the things he WANTS to do).

Example: Today after lunch, I'm loading dishes into the dishwasher, and I ask him to clear the dishes from the table and bring them to the sink. Not an unreasonable request and something that has been his "job" for a while now. He's usually very willing to help and I think I've been pretty good about thanking him for his efforts. But today, he draped himself over the nearest surface and started yelling, "But I'm too tired!"

I told him I'd start moving his bedtime up by 1/2 hour each time I heard it, but I don't know if that's the solution. It seems to make going to bed a punishment.

Thoughts?

[Collinsky]

Oh yeah... this started when my daughter was 3, and it really does mean, "I don't wanna!" My second daughter took it up a notch, and actually says, "But that's so boooooorrrrriiiiiiiing!" and she drapes herself over the chair like an invalid. She also does the "tired" thing. I'm like, "You're too tired to do the ONE THING I've asked you to do all week?" I try to remember (and after 2 years of it you'd think it would be easier to do) to translate all those to "I don't want to" and address it from there. Connecting with the fact that deep down, I don't want to either, helps put us on the same team instead of pitting us against each other. I have to really stay aware to avoid being pulled (or starting) power struggles.

I'm not into punishments at all, and I do think that using bedtime as a punishment probably will backfire. Especially since you know that it doesn't have anything to do with actual tiredness. Taking his words at face value in this case will probably hinder communication, since you know he doesn't mean what he's saying. Guide him to more accurate words. Responding with "You really don't want to do that, huh?" and then working toward something that works for both of you will probably get you farther. If you want to continue with a "consequence" something immediate, like a time out or having him lie down in his bed right then for a nap would make more sense than waiting until bed to make something happen.

[honeysesame]

yup, mine does that too. and also if he doesn't want to do something he'll say he's starving and get really urgent about it. of course i'm not going to tell my kid he can't eat! aargh. : i don't have any great ideas, i'm just sympathetic. although i guess what tends to work for me in those situations is acknowledging his need and letting him rest or eat for a few minutes and then bringing up the task again in some sort of new way (more positive, fun, rewarding, or motivational somehow). like, "okay, why don't you eat a banana and then we'll see if you can pick up all the things on the floor in four minutes! think you can do it?" or, "hmm, maybe we should try for an earlier bedtime tonight... let's go clean up now though-- i'll help you figure out how and then we can read a story"-- that kind of thing. b/c sometimes (with my ds) it's about him wanting more of a connecting mama/ less of a taskmaster too.

[mistymama]

Ha! My 5 year old is doing the same thing.

I usually joke with him and make a game out of it. Like yesterday when he did this I playfully scooped him up in my arms like a baby and made a game of rocking him to sleep since he was soooooo tired. He ended up giggling and then I was able to make a game about who could find the most cars and put them in the drawer.

There have been times where being playful hasn't worked, and I will usually just be honest and tell him we need to clean up and I will help, I will make it as fun as I can, but we are not doing x until it's done. Maybe not the most gentle approach

[ccohenou]

"As soon as we finish picking up, you can go take a nap."

[jillmamma]

If DS pulls that line on me, I tell him, "oh really? Then how about we put you back in bed so you can rest awhile first." That usually gets him going.