I think ultimately whatever you decide, you AND your husband (out of repect for his commitment to your marriage) need to be comfortable with whatever decision you make for the BEST of your family.
I have personally had an abortion many years ago. As a previous poster stated, it is a decision and life experience that stays with you but you learn to make peace with it. However, now that I have had children, I would never do it again....even if I was at the lowest point in my life.
I know that I am not living your life, but I am a mother of 2 children who were each diagnosed with autism when they were 3 years. My daughter is now 6 and my son is 4.5yrs. My husband and I accidentally became pregnant the year before last. Because of my past, abortion was never a factor. We basically decided that we would make whatever changes necessary to accomodate him. We are in debt and are surviving on my income. Neither of our children receive therapies because we are no poor enough to get it AND my health insurance doesn't provide it. However, mentally and physically our situation is not as dire as it appears for there is something that we have been doing that has made everything well worth the sacrifice.
(1) Hope - we have hope that both of our children will be doing better since we implemented biomedical interventions (some of which is covered by our health insurance) Simple things like cod liver oil, probiotics, gfcf diet and supplements have made our children healthy enough to be responsive to what little interventions they get through school and interactions they get from everyday life. I think that because of our childrens progress, it has really helped my husband and I to see that there is light at the end of the tunnel and that our children will be able to talk and function in society (w/ or w/o assistance) We are hoping for w/o assistance.
(2) Support - We have developed a good support network online and in our town. Honestly, many parents may feel it is not necessary....BUT IT REALLY IS. Parents of special needs children, specifically autism, need to be able to just BE with other people who JUST UNDERSTAND and won't provided unwanted advice or cirticism that you have to deal with on a daily or weekly basis. You might see if one exists. If not, might consider just starting one, such as a playdate group where you meet at a park. It is critical to have a support network.
(3) Working on Marriage - this is also critical because we as parents funnel all resources from money to energy into our children, we neglect to maintain our relationship with our spouses or significant others. Your spouse is your #1 support network because he is in the boat with you. We get so focused on autism and the issues surrounding it that it can make us bitter towards and distant from our spouses. If you are having marriage issues and can not afford a counselor, National Autism Association offers grant money to couples for counseling (called Family First). It is the only organization I know of that does this. They also offer grants to help pay for therapies (called Helping Hand). www.nationalautismassociation.org
I did want to make one additional response to a comment about the possibility of moving and having to move away from the support you already have in place through family. I wonder if a move might not be the best thing depending on where you are relocating. what if you relocate to a state that offers more and better services for your ASD child? What if you move to an area that offers a fantastic support network. You can find out by going through various autism websites such as www.autismpdd.net
("Find a Friend") and finding a chapter of Autism Society of America. Those are places to start.
Good luck in your decision.