I've been hiding away for the past week, and decided that I needed to make an attempt at coming out of my shell, if you know what I mean...
I first wanted to say Welcome to those of you that are new this week, and as everyone else has already said, I hope that your stay is short and graduation comes quickly.
Julia's Mom - I know I didn't post it on the IVF Thread, but I wanted to give you a big fat congratulations, and here's to a healthy and happy, and uneventful 9 months. I can't wait to hear about the heartbeat u/s!!
It seems that every month over the past couple of years when AF showed were all really bad... then the canceled IVF cycle's were monsters, but for me this BFN from IVF has really just hit me at the core. I can't seem to function, I can't seem to find joy in the little things that always seemed to help me through the crappy times. I feel like I'm dragging DH down as he is trying to deal with his own grief. I canceled my last appt with my counselor, and I can't seem to see how she can help right now. I'm trying to remember everything that I have good in my life - I know that there is a lot. But my world has stopped turning and I can't seem to jump start it for the life of me.
Every little thing that we see or do makes me think of my little babies that didn't make it, that didn't get a chance to be held within my womb, at my breast, or simply in my arms. I'm afraid that it will never happen, worse than before. I mean, we've tried the 'last option' to have a bio child, and it failed, miserably. No frozens, no sticky beans, nothing. I know that we can try again, but if it didn't work the first time, how in the world can I expect it to happen the second try?
I'm sorry for dumping, but I'm hoping that getting it all out will help, even though it seems futile right now.
BTW - AF on Saturday was hellish - the worst cramps, the heaviest flow, tons of clots... you get the point.....
I also wanted to thank everyone for their kind words and prayers thoughout my entire cycle, especially after my BFN. It means so much to me that I have so many people that care, and that can understand like no one else in my life can. Right now you are the only people that I want to even think about talking to about the whole mess, I don't want to hear someones condolences that has no clue... that's just too much for me right now.