Is a time-out appropriate for a 19mon old? - Page 2

[mrscompgeek]

First of all- yes this is real. And second of all- this little boy is big enough to climb up and pull all the drawers of toys out he is old enough to put them away. Now mind you he DOES NOT put all the toys away himself. I help him and I simply ask him to help me put them away. By the time I pick up most of the toys he usually gets maybe 2 or 3 pieces put away which is fine. (fyi- he is a very mature kid. He is potty training right now.)
Also, mind you the discipline I do for this child is NOT MY CHOICE. I have no kids so I really havent though much about the spank/not to spank issue. In the contract the parents go over when I start watching them I ask them how do you want me to discipline the child given the case I need to? And its each parents own way of discipling that I stick to when they are at my house. So please dont judge me, I am simply following the parents discipling ways.

[mrscompgeek]

Originally Posted by BethNC

Most toddlers of that age don't put their toys away. They participate in cleaning up with an adult or put one or two things away. Your expectations are way too high.

Make a game out of it. There's no reason that cleaning up with a young child can't be fun. Any experience for a little one is a learning experience. Children learn as much through routines as they do from anything else.

Please check out the post right below yours.

[Janelovesmax]

Originally Posted by mrscompgeek

First of all- yes this is real. And second of all- this little boy is big enough to climb up and pull all the drawers of toys out he is old enough to put them away. Now mind you he DOES NOT put all the toys away himself. I help him and I simply ask him to help me put them away. By the time I pick up most of the toys he usually gets maybe 2 or 3 pieces put away which is fine. (fyi- he is a very mature kid. He is potty training right now.)
Also, mind you the discipline I do for this child is NOT MY CHOICE. I have no kids so I really havent though much about the spank/not to spank issue. In the contract the parents go over when I start watching them I ask them how do you want me to discipline the child given the case I need to? And its each parents own way of discipling that I stick to when they are at my house. So please dont judge me, I am simply following the parents discipling ways.

I don't think is easy not judge at this circumstance when you are posting at Gentle Discipline forum where hitting a child is a big no-no by any standard.

Since you happen to have a degree on Child Development as you stated in your other thread, I find it hard to believe that you haven't thought of spanking issues. Please please read all the great books and resources recommended. There is a wealth of information on Gentle Discipline that will definitely come in handy when your own little will come along.

I understand that you think you need to be following parent's rules, but there s/be a certain principle involved, simple right vs wrong.

[mrscompgeek]

I am reading up on it. If you look I have another thread going right now on GD researching and talking with moms about why they GD, how they do it..etc....

And I think its none of my business how the parents handle their kids. I wouldnt want my babysitter questioning my parenting ways if I were in their shoes . There is lots of other things the parents do/say that I would question if It were my kids but they arent mine. Now I love these kids like my own but thats just it, they arent mine. You all may feel differently and thats fine, but personally I just dont feel its any of my business.

And I didnt post in the forum to bring up spanking .If you look back my post was in respose to the lady asking about putting a 19 month old in time out. I posted that I use time out for the kids I watch. I did not post that I spank the kids.

[kungfu_barbi]

peace

[mrscompgeek]

Originally Posted by kungfu_barbi

i just don't buy the 'not my choice' line here. it somehow reminds me of the nuremberg defense: i was only following orders.

are you saying that if a parent requested that you NOT use any form of punishment, time out, tapping hands, etc., that you are capable of following their wishes, that you have other more gentle childcare skills and tools at your disposal?

and if you have some gentle discipline skills in your toolbox of childcare strategies (presumably learned while studying your degree), then it follows that you could choose to use those with the children in your charge.

there are other effective ways of disciplining children besides 'old school' punishment. it really makes me curious how old your degree in child development is and from where you got it...

peace

I graduated in 2006 with my degree from the community college.
And Yes, If the parents told me they dont use any form of discipline I woudl abide by it. The child needs constant discipline (by this I mean they need something that is constant and not one time getting time out, the next time not for the same thing) and I have the child 3 days a week. So wouldnt that confuse the child if at home he gets time out and at my house I dont use time out??

Also- I posted my original post on here in response to the mother asking if time out is appropriate for a 19 month old. I simply answered her and told her that it is possible, That a child can understand that and told her my experience with it. Now I dont think you ladies have the right to bash me. I did NOT post this to bring up concern.

[Mizelenius]

Originally Posted by mrscompgeek

I graduated in 2006 with my degree from the community college.
And Yes, If the parents told me they dont use any form of discipline I woudl abide by it. The child needs constant discipline (by this I mean they need something that is constant and not one time getting time out, the next time not for the same thing) and I have the child 3 days a week. So wouldnt that confuse the child if at home he gets time out and at my house I dont use time out??

Also- I posted my original post on here in response to the mother asking if time out is appropriate for a 19 month old. I simply answered her and told her that it is possible, That a child can understand that and told her my experience with it. Now I dont think you ladies have the right to bash me. I did NOT post this to bring up concern.

You do not have to like the child (although he WILL know that you don't like him), but at the bare, bare minimum, respect him. That means not calling him names. Honestly, if you don't like him, it would be better to find another child to care for. He doesn't sound like he is getting the respect he deserves from his parents, so he at least needs to be around someone who likes him a few times a week. You say you love these children as though they are your own. Yet, you are calling an 18 mo old "rotten"-- I think you have some soul searching to do.

(fyi- he is a very mature kid. He is potty training right now.) I agree that he sounds very advanced. And unfortunately, while it is wonderful to be advanced, it's almost a drawback if the child is around people who confuse being ahead with being EMOTIONALLY mature. He could be reading books at 18 mo, solving theories, finding the cure for cancer . . .but really, he would STILL be 18 months old. He'd still throw tantrums and act like an 18 mo in many ways. I highly suggest you hang out at the Parenting the Gifted Child forum. It might be helpful!

[kungfu_barbi]

Originally Posted by mrscompgeek

Now I dont think you ladies have the right to bash me.

mrscompgeek, i am truly sorry that my post contributed to you feeling "bashed."

peace

[lolar2]

Originally Posted by Mizelenius

I highly suggest you hang out at the Parenting the Gifted Child forum. It might be helpful!

I agree.

On the hitting thing-- this is a problem for us right now, but I just figured out on Saturday that sometimes I can re-direct it into playing "patty-cake."

[wallacesmum]

I find that saying "NO" to a toddler creates all kinds of resistance around the activity. If my 28th month old is hitting me, or chasing the chickens, or whatever, and I ask him to stop and he doesn't, I just make a game of it that redirects the energy - hitting turns into playful wrestling, chasing chickens turns into chasing ds, whatever. Then, later, when the energy is different, we talk about it. Sometimes, even in the moment, I can say "do you remember when you were hitting me and I didn't want you to and that made you sad?" and it totally turns things around. He often says "do you remember when I was sad because..." and we can talk about it, later, and he will tell me that it is all right now, and why.

I don't use time outs, rewards, punishments, etc. My child is mimicking more than he is taking verbal instructions, so over the long term, I think the lesson of punishment is "Might makes right." For instance, re: cleaning up: If ds wants his toys cleaned up, he'll clean them up. If he doesn't, he won't. If someone comes to my house and wants it cleaner than it is, he or she is welcome to clean, but I would be pretty put out if that person just told me that I should clean my house. So, ds and I share a house with dh. Why is my desire for cleaned up toys have to take precedence over his desire for scattered toys? In fact, I have the advantage of being able to put it all in perspective and manage my own feelings, rather than expect the toddler to learn that from verbal instruction.

[EKilgore]

I think Deva33mommy's response is really right on in that it's not about whether time out works, but what message we want to send our little ones. Her repsonse also address the conflict with mrscompugeek. Yes, time outs work (in a limited sense), but it teaches our kids that they can have our attention and love on a conditional basis. I'd rather use the opportunity to teach and let them know how their actions affect others.