Three years ago, I could have written the OP's post.
For a while it was bloddy between DH and I and there were times I wanted to give in just to be done with the fighting. Any time I felt that way I would just imagine handing off my perfect, trusting, innocent, brand new baby boy knowing in my heart that they were about to hurt him terribly, and I stood my ground. (I brought that to him early on, asking if he really thought he could stand by and watch someone hurt his son like that and he said yes, because it was better for him
I didn't know about MDC then, but I did a ton of research and brought home print out after print out of information for DH. I avoided all the hard core anti-circ stuff because he just turned off when he saw it. I showed him the instruments, the step by step and even available pain relief methods. I was lucky enough to work for a major pharma co and had acess to tons of medical journals and databases. I brought home every study I could find about circ, statistics etc. (he was very impacted by the study on pain relief that was shut down over ethics.) He also spent a lot of time talking to my intact adult brothers (middle class, white boys, born in the circ happy 80's FWIW)
He had said a few times "F' it do whatever you want" but like you and your DH we always talked things out and I really wanted him to be a part of this decision rather than just give in and be grumpy about it.
Eventually we decided it was totally on him to do the research that would convince me it really was in the best interest of our son. After about a week he came home and said that he couldn't find anything that would really make it worth putting him through the surgery.
It was a pretty anti-climactic ending for what had been a months long heated battle.
Right after J was born he was holding him and commented that I was right all those months ago and he never would have been able to hand him off or stand by knowing what they would do to him.
He still is nowhere near a passionate as I am about it, and insists he is perfectly happy with his circ, but when his bf had a son last year and had him circ'ed without pain relief he was really upset. He saw the baby during a dipe change a while later and was horrified by the circ.
The circ thing was literally one of the biggest battles of our realtionship. (13 years now - we were jr. high sweethearts
) It was hell and I really feel for you going through it now. Like you said my DH is a great guy, I love him to pieces and I know he was just acting on what he really believed was in the best interest of his baby boy. Try hard to look at this as him fighting for the best interest of your son and being really uninformed, rather than being a stubborn a-hole. I think it would have saved me a lot of heartache and fighting with DH if I just tried that in the beginning. Things got a lot easier once we got to the place where we could agree we wanted the best for him.
I hope you get what I mean by that. I never, ever would have let my son be circ'ed. Ever. I knew in my heart from the begining that leaving him intact was the way to go, but as soon as I showed DH that I would be open minded to his arguments, he became open minded towards me. After that, the facts speak for themselves.
Stay strong, mama.
If I can help at all, let me know!