And now I am really worried. That is why I am up at 1:40 am instead of sleeping like I should be. I really need to vent. This is very long and stupid.
Late Tuesday night I started to have some little contractions, and Wednesday I had them all day, minor of course. I nested like crazy and got my whole house ready and cleaned and felt ready to welcome our baby (due 7/6). Thursday I went in for my midwife to check me and I was fully effaced and fingertip dilated and my cervix was waaay posterior. I had regular but mild contractions all day long and was awakened at 5:30 this am by a little stronger contractions than I had been having. They went from regular 5-6 min intervals to 3-4 minutes by 11 am. My midwife called to come over and check me, and in the meantime my sister, who lives in our house sought me out to talk about my cousin's last minute (she found out about it yesterday, I found out this morning) birthday party. I said I thought I was in labor and I wasn't going and she went on and on and would not drop it so I had to leave the room and go up to my bedroom and shut the door to end the conversation. I came back down when I thought it was safe and she made sure to leave the house in a huff.
My midwife arrived and checked me and I had progressed to a loose 2 cm and my cervix was anterior. I was still having contractions, stronger but more widely spaced now. I was having bloody show. I had 4 loose BM. Everything indicated I had been doing great and was in early labor.
Then my best female friend calls, she has been calling about 3-4 times a day to talk about nothing and insists that she wants to be there for the homebirth. So today she says she is coming over and bringing dinner. So now I know she plans to come by and I really didn't want her to. I was outside in the backyard when she arrived and so I came in and we ate and then she would not leave. She then wanders all over my house and even plops onto my bed and tells me she has her pillow in the car and a change of clothes and that she can stay all night and can sleep in my DS room since he still sleeps in my room. My contractions at this point were getting milder and milder and infrequent. I went to change into my swimsuit, my DH and DS too and went into the swimming pool because I thought that I could then shower and go to bed. Once I get out of the pool I go upstairs with my son and she follows me and DS only by going into the bathroom and shutting the door did she stop following. I showered and DS too and came out in pjs and finally she submits to leave.
Literally a minute after she left my contractions started up well again. And then While I went to the bathroom my sister must have come home because I came out and went into my room and changed my clothes again and my DH comes up the stairs into our room and I hear tapping and my sister is out on my balcony (I had the curtains partly open). DH had heard someone on the roof and it was her, she came home from work and just went into our room to go on the balcony and onto the roof. My DH told her to please go and leave me alone.
So then I am in my bed in my room with the door shut (but not locked, my mistake) and she knocks on my door, I tell her to please not come in and she comes in anyway. She wants to go back out on my balcony and I said no. So she starts screaming at me and crying that I am so mean and this is the worst 4th of july in her life (she had to work) and I am going to pay for this someday, I am almost begging her to leave and then I have to raise my voice and yell at her to get out of my room and I can't believe how she is acting.
So then I have been feeling stress since the morning altercation with her, and then my 3 hour "visit" with my friend, and then this icing on the cake, and I just start crying and hysterically call my mother who has been so supportive and she couldn't even tell it was me calling since I was so hysterically crying and she came right over (lives one mile away). She missed my sister by moments as my sister grabbed her dog and with much drama stormed out the door.
I have no more contractions. My labor today and all the build up is dead. I talked and talked to my mom and DH and stepdad and nothing helps. Labor is gone. I feel like a giant blob of stress though most of my anger has been released in my tears. I was even tearfully reading my DS bedtime stories.
I am so worried that I am not going to go back into labor now at all. That today has been too damaging that I am not going to be able to feel safe or relaxed in my own home. I feel like my plans for a peaceful homebirth have been ruined and I feel like mourning. I am afraid I am going to end up going post dates and then have to end up in the hospital for a medical induction. I don't know what to do but I feel awful. My sister is 25 and single and we have had tiffs in the past but it is almost like she was looking for fights today and hoped to make them big and dramatic. I can't understand why she did this. My mom has sworn she will not let her return to my house until the baby is born as that is most likely where my sis ended up going tonight with her dog and stuff. As for my friend I can't understand why she can't take no for an answer. I have told her I don't want anyone around for the birth except DH and the MW. Maybe labor doesn't count since I didn't specify I wanted no one around for the labor? Or I just didn't think her presence would have such a slowing effect on my labor? I hate to do it but I am just not going to be able to answer her phonecalls any more and if she just shows up DH will have to not let her in.
I still don't feel sleepy. I was hoping that writing this out would also help to destress me some, and it has a fraction of an amount. I just feel so disappointed with my body for getting psyched out by this awful day but it felt so hurtful and traumatizing.
No one has to reply but if you could please pray for me that I can still birth this baby I could really use your prayers.
Late Tuesday night I started to have some little contractions, and Wednesday I had them all day, minor of course. I nested like crazy and got my whole house ready and cleaned and felt ready to welcome our baby (due 7/6). Thursday I went in for my midwife to check me and I was fully effaced and fingertip dilated and my cervix was waaay posterior. I had regular but mild contractions all day long and was awakened at 5:30 this am by a little stronger contractions than I had been having. They went from regular 5-6 min intervals to 3-4 minutes by 11 am. My midwife called to come over and check me, and in the meantime my sister, who lives in our house sought me out to talk about my cousin's last minute (she found out about it yesterday, I found out this morning) birthday party. I said I thought I was in labor and I wasn't going and she went on and on and would not drop it so I had to leave the room and go up to my bedroom and shut the door to end the conversation. I came back down when I thought it was safe and she made sure to leave the house in a huff.
My midwife arrived and checked me and I had progressed to a loose 2 cm and my cervix was anterior. I was still having contractions, stronger but more widely spaced now. I was having bloody show. I had 4 loose BM. Everything indicated I had been doing great and was in early labor.
Then my best female friend calls, she has been calling about 3-4 times a day to talk about nothing and insists that she wants to be there for the homebirth. So today she says she is coming over and bringing dinner. So now I know she plans to come by and I really didn't want her to. I was outside in the backyard when she arrived and so I came in and we ate and then she would not leave. She then wanders all over my house and even plops onto my bed and tells me she has her pillow in the car and a change of clothes and that she can stay all night and can sleep in my DS room since he still sleeps in my room. My contractions at this point were getting milder and milder and infrequent. I went to change into my swimsuit, my DH and DS too and went into the swimming pool because I thought that I could then shower and go to bed. Once I get out of the pool I go upstairs with my son and she follows me and DS only by going into the bathroom and shutting the door did she stop following. I showered and DS too and came out in pjs and finally she submits to leave.
Literally a minute after she left my contractions started up well again. And then While I went to the bathroom my sister must have come home because I came out and went into my room and changed my clothes again and my DH comes up the stairs into our room and I hear tapping and my sister is out on my balcony (I had the curtains partly open). DH had heard someone on the roof and it was her, she came home from work and just went into our room to go on the balcony and onto the roof. My DH told her to please go and leave me alone.
So then I am in my bed in my room with the door shut (but not locked, my mistake) and she knocks on my door, I tell her to please not come in and she comes in anyway. She wants to go back out on my balcony and I said no. So she starts screaming at me and crying that I am so mean and this is the worst 4th of july in her life (she had to work) and I am going to pay for this someday, I am almost begging her to leave and then I have to raise my voice and yell at her to get out of my room and I can't believe how she is acting.
So then I have been feeling stress since the morning altercation with her, and then my 3 hour "visit" with my friend, and then this icing on the cake, and I just start crying and hysterically call my mother who has been so supportive and she couldn't even tell it was me calling since I was so hysterically crying and she came right over (lives one mile away). She missed my sister by moments as my sister grabbed her dog and with much drama stormed out the door.
I have no more contractions. My labor today and all the build up is dead. I talked and talked to my mom and DH and stepdad and nothing helps. Labor is gone. I feel like a giant blob of stress though most of my anger has been released in my tears. I was even tearfully reading my DS bedtime stories.
I am so worried that I am not going to go back into labor now at all. That today has been too damaging that I am not going to be able to feel safe or relaxed in my own home. I feel like my plans for a peaceful homebirth have been ruined and I feel like mourning. I am afraid I am going to end up going post dates and then have to end up in the hospital for a medical induction. I don't know what to do but I feel awful. My sister is 25 and single and we have had tiffs in the past but it is almost like she was looking for fights today and hoped to make them big and dramatic. I can't understand why she did this. My mom has sworn she will not let her return to my house until the baby is born as that is most likely where my sis ended up going tonight with her dog and stuff. As for my friend I can't understand why she can't take no for an answer. I have told her I don't want anyone around for the birth except DH and the MW. Maybe labor doesn't count since I didn't specify I wanted no one around for the labor? Or I just didn't think her presence would have such a slowing effect on my labor? I hate to do it but I am just not going to be able to answer her phonecalls any more and if she just shows up DH will have to not let her in.
I still don't feel sleepy. I was hoping that writing this out would also help to destress me some, and it has a fraction of an amount. I just feel so disappointed with my body for getting psyched out by this awful day but it felt so hurtful and traumatizing.
No one has to reply but if you could please pray for me that I can still birth this baby I could really use your prayers.
