What do you do when you need instant obedience? - Page 4

[WuWei]

Surely, there's a difference between yelling at your kids in a punitive way, and yelling "watch out for that car!"

I agree.


Pat

[Ceinwen]

This thread has been a good read for me (even with the funny asides!) because as a reformed/sometimes slipped up yeller, I find my dd is a bit desensitized to my, um, bellowing. She's five, and she's fairly compliant to begin with, personallity wise, but maybe a word like 'freeze' would work better than 'stop for us.

[wannabe]

And you wondered why I always have cake about my person.

Originally Posted by easy_goer

I'm thinking this is a great idea. "Would you like some cake?" alternated with "look, a doggie!"

Ballerina!

[milkmommie]

Originally Posted by wannabe

And you wondered why I always have cake about my person.



Ballerina!

laughup
Mine would have to be "oh my, a princess wearing a chocolate tutu!!" That would get dd and ds in one fell swoop!!

[pookel]

Considering the way Corbin miraculously perks up when anyone whispers "chocolate" three rooms away, maybe there's something to this this "dessert as code word" idea. : "Stop!! ... I mean ... chocolate!!"

[allgirls]

This thread is being returned.

I have removed all User Agreement Posts and and any posts referencing them.

Further UAV's will result in the thread being permanently removed.

Allgirls

[Maggirayne]

Originally Posted by Ruthla

Nor am I overly concerned about the hot stove- his own hand is going to feel the heat of the stove as he approaches it and his instincts will make him pull away instantly.

I had a piano teacher who when he was 4 yo, put his hand flat on an iron--FOUR TIMES.

Originally Posted by Ok

Cake... snort

Agree. 3yos who allowed to explore and focus on their own thoughts will often get lost. "Ou, shiny" and off they go. They have lost the baby fears of the unknown and are chasing dreams.

Heh, baby fears, what baby fears? My 8 mo would have crawled off at Banres and Noble. No fear at all.

Originally Posted by pookel

Yep. I was lucky enough to get the hard kid first. I can't imagine how insufferable I'd be if my Simon had been born first.

Yeah, you'd be terrible. Like I am.

Originally Posted by eclipse

So, when my 2.75 yo runs toward the street, I should yell "Come get some cake!" I think that might actually work, but boy would he be mad if I didn't have any cake handy:.

:

Originally Posted by Kitsune6

I read this in one of the Sears books and it works for us. If the kids are in danger I make a loud gasping sound and they (mostly) immediately stop. It's that sound you make right before your kid takes a nasty spill. It works really well with my SN kid, in fact it's the only thing that makes him pause. Oh and he long ago desensitized me from making that sound involuntarily so he only hears it when I need him to freeze.

This is interesting! I've enjoyed reading this thread.

Originally Posted by BlueStateMama

I beeped the car horn at them yesterday. (bag over head) We were in the garage and both were SCREAMING (random temper tantrums) while I was trying to get both buckled in. I lost it, reached over, and honked my horn. It was LOUD (and they both were shocked into forgetting about their individual fits.)

I felt really badly after. It wasn't good parenting, but I was so pushed to the limit.

Why is this bad? I mean it makes sense to me. It interrupts them to stop, when they can't control stopping, and it didn't hurt them, just startled them, but then they were distracted and able to get control of themselves, right?

Originally Posted by pookel

Considering the way Corbin miraculously perks up when anyone whispers "chocolate" three rooms away, maybe there's something to this this "dessert as code word" idea. : "Stop!! ... I mean ... chocolate!!"

Heh, can I try that?

[mowilli3]

They know when something is an emergency from your tone and emotions. They are hardwired to be self-protective and will listen to you. You don't have to teach that.

[cpop]

I know kids are different and this may not work with all kids, but with my kids I have found that if you reserve 'that tone of voice' for really only the most urgent situations they will respond to that. Since I never raise my voice (not tooting my own horn, just not a yeller) the kids know that when I should "NO!" loudly there is a very good reason (for example they are reaching for an unprotected electrical outlet). They usually start crying and get frightened but then I guess that is sort of the point. I mean I want them to know that I think touching outlets with their fingers is something dangerous that frightens me.
I think they are kind of programed to react to fear in your voice. But again, not all kids are the same, and I am sure there are kids who wouldn't react, but it works for us.

[loraxc]

Count me as another whose child reacts inconsistently to The Tone. Sometimes it works. Other times not so much. Because I know she is not consistently under good "voice control" (sorry to use a dog training term!) I frankly just keep her a lot closer to me than I notice many other parents do at this age, if we are anywhere that could be risky (such as near traffic or in a large crowd). For instance, at 4.5, I still don't allow her to walk on our street (no sidewalks, but fairly quiet) without holding my hand. Maybe this is overprotective, but I know my child and she has poor impulse control.

I also used a kid leash between the ages of 1-2.5. It's no longer justified and would humiliate her at this age, but I consider it a good tool for toddlers who don't respond as quickly.

It has to be said again and again: children are different. In the same family, even, I've seen kids who cower and run to mom at the slightest sign of The Tone and kids who run the other way or defy.

[Viola]

Originally Posted by Maggirayne

I had a piano teacher who when he was 4 yo, put his hand flat on an iron--FOUR TIMES.

And he became a talented pianist. Maybe burning helped the process.

I have a daughter who doesn't react very well to the The Tone either. Either it prompts her to do it more quickly, or I practically have to get to the spit flying out of my mouth face contorted level of yelling Stop, and she stops, then collapses in a sobbing mess. But both times she is very unhappy. She takes the fact that I don't like what she is going to do as proof that she should follow through with it just to make sure I still love her even if she does something I hate. Then if I am not happy about it, she feels justified in expressing just how mean I am, how bad I am and how she hates me and wants to run away. It's not a pretty sight.