Strangers questioning paternity - Page 2

[3lilmonsters]

I'm sorry you had to be exposed to that ignorance.

Slightly ot, but I met a couple once that was a white, blond woman and a very, very dark man and together they made one white baby and one very dark baby. It was so cute to see them all together! I know there's science behind it, but it sometimes seems pretty random to me..

[tatangel19]

I find some of the stupid things people say hard to believe, especially considering that if you are from the US, the chances of being of mixed heritage are so high that we are all basically ''mutts''. Not being as nice as some of you, I tend to deflect all questions towards my kids' being biologically mine and DH's, unless they are asked very nicely and in context with a convo I am already having with that person with the blanket statement, ''Any tell me again why it's any of your business?'' Depending on the question and if the kids are around or not, I have also been known to liberally sprinkle in the F word. Oh well.

[lachingona1]

I get this alot. I am blond hair blue eyes with the lightest skin ever and DH is Hispanic and Mayan he is super dark skinned with black hair and super dark eyes.

Our girls are light skinned almost like me but a little darker, brown hair with auburn tints and greenish blue eyes. DH's aunt always says to him those girls sure don't look like you. When we went to Mexico people said the same. It makes me mad even though it shouldn't.

[HybridVigor]

Originally Posted by Alathia

My DH is a twin, and he and his twin look nothing alike (similar to what another poster said about her twins). He's 6', athletic build, blond and blue eyed. She's 5'2, very rotund, dark brown hair and eyes. It is quite hysterical what genetics will do.

Our two sons look a lot like me (asian coloring) but also have aspects of DH (facial features). It's funny because white people always state "you look just like your mommy!" whereas most of the asian people I meet always say "their dad must be white because their noses are so straight!"

The rudest thing I think is when people outright ask DH if they are "his" or where he adopted them from. He brushes it off and says they are 100% his boys, but yeah, the stupidity and outright GALL of some people really get to me at times!

I'm 100% Chinese, and DH is a mix of Siksika (Blackfoot), Dutch, Czech, and other European. I personally think that DS looks like a nice even mix, but DH's family has said over and over again how he looks JUST like me . . . and MY family says over and over again how much he looks like my DH!

My aunt asked "So, does anyone ever think you're the nanny? Because he looks SO white!"

Originally Posted by milkybean

I found that going into a long discussion of genetics and backgrounds and hair colors and eye colors and "isn't it interesting?" tends to get people to, um, stop talking about it. I mean, it IS interesting to me, but I'm quite sure people who make little blippy comments didn't intend to give up 5-10 minutes of their time to hear a dissertation on genotypes.

But that's when I get the questions. The questions when it's just me and DS aren't nasty. They can tell he looks a little different from me, that he's something a bit more than caucasian. He is pale but gets golden, he has almond-ish shaped eyes that are amber in color (the only other way to describe their color is to say they match his hair, which they do, but his hair is RED and you can't say "red eyes", can you?), and he has red hair that can go from reddish brown to bronze to copper to strawberry blond depending on the light.

When hubby gets the questions the questions aren't pretty, and he's usually so taken aback that he can't say anything, he just stares. The worst by far was when DS was an infant. DS was very pink, had blue eyes, bright bright ORANGE hair (seriously, orange, not red, just orange), and didn't look even a bit Korean (he's a quarter), let alone the Portuguese hubby also is (1/4 that 1/4 Welsh, 1/2 Korean).

Hubby was standing outside a Sears or JC Penney women's dressing room. Holding diaper bag, baby in baby sling, woman's purse, and just waiting.

Woman came up out of the blue and declared "it looks as though you STOLE that child!!!"

Not really sure that anything said or not said to that woman could cure her from thinking things like that, and in fact I'm not sure hubby managed to get anything out of his mouth before she walked away...


But the long discussion of genetics and how both sides have red hair hiding in them and his cousins with matching backgrounds (their dad was white like me) look more Korean than their mom or uncle BUT they also have the amber eyes, and blah blah blah blah blah...has worked for me.

I love blathering about phenotype vs. genotype. Makes people's eyes cross.
And it's terrible that woman said your DH looked like he stole the baby! The things that come out of people's mouths! OMG!

[SunshineJ]

People are simply ignorant, I've been able to find no excuse for many of their comments. DH is part Cherokee and while fair skinned, has very dark hair, lashes, etc. I'm also fair but with almost equally dark hair. Our son is a bit darker skinned while our dd has skin so fair it is transluscent, and both have incredibly blonde hair. Part of my heritage is Dutch - I have a whole line of blonde relatives. DH's mom is also a natural blonde, as was he when he was young. I've been shocked by the looks and comments we get when we go out as a family - it's exactly like they're sizing us up and assuming DH couldn't possibly be the father! I've had some nicer inquiries, like "my goodness! Where did they get all that blonde hair?" which is nosy but not flat in your face rude, as well as the more direct comments. I generally reply something like "Oh, I know! With that blonde hair I'm convinced DH was having an affair with the mailman!". If nothing else it throws them off enough that they shut up so I can move on.

K.

[expecting-joy]

I didn't read all the replies, but I agree with

1. calling them on it
2. educating ignorant people
3. being respectful in front of children.

How about, "excuse me? I couldn't help but overhear your rude comment. It's unfortunate that you were not able to take a genetics class in school. It's what is so beautiful about living in a/n open society/mixed society/melting pot/America. The stew of genes here is amazing! But I do hope in the future, you will keep in mind how those comments come across to others. They make you sound very ignorant and disrespectful."

:

[mntnmom]

Anyone who's seen "black" babies knows that they often start out very light, regardless of their parentage or eventual skin tone. This woman was just showing her ignorance. I would either inform her, or ignore her.

[Sabo]

My girl is porcelain skinned with blue eyes and strawberry blond hair. I am biracial (African American and caucasian, with the skin tone that is generally expected). While I look at baby pics of me and can see that her face and features are shaped like mine were, people are only apt to notice the stark difference between us. My stock response is, "Genetic mutations: You never know what you're gonna get."