Never mind.

[becoming]

Never mind.

[mum21andtwins]

no answers though.....

[madskye]

I just scrolled through your blog...do you really want everything to be different? Your kids look so happy and like they love each other a lot! Nothing is ever perfect 100% of the time. The only advice I can give you is to really focus on the positive in all of your kids, and in yourself--because your life "on blog" looks awesome.

I hope that helps and doesn't annoy you. We all have our days where things look like they are out of control and bad, etc...I don't want to diminish your feelings or what you are looking for--but you sound very hard on yourself! Be kind to yourself, accept yourself, and maybe that will make it easier to deal with the kids. All of those things--empathy, keeping shoes on at the market, learning not to hit--they'll all come.

[becoming]

The thing is, when things are good around here, they are really, really good. But it seems like when they're bad, it's just one thing after another after another. There are days when I swear my two older children do not speak to each other if they're not screaming at the top of their lungs. There are moments when I think what a horrible job I must be doing if he can even THINK that horrible thing he just said about his little sister. And lots of moments/days when I just feel walked on like a doormat by all three of them.

But you're right, I don't want everything to be different. I just want our whole life to be as happy as I know it can be, without the fighting and whining and negativity.

[GradysMom]

I regards to the materialism... and maybe the cranky stuff.. could TV be a factor. Have you ever thought of doing no tv for a month.

I've heard other talk about how tv in the mornings make dc more irritable etc.


Just a thought.

[kacymoose]

Originally Posted by becoming

I want my 6.5-year-old to be generous and empathetic and loving toward his siblings and me. I want him to care if he hurts someone's feelings and apologize without me suggesting it. I want him to, for once, enjoy going somewhere fun without worrying about whether I'm going to buy him some material JUNK before we leave. I want him to ask me questions and believe the answers I give him instead of arguing with me because he already knows everything.

It sounds like the material JUNK is important to him right now. If you are buying it for him, why not get excited about it with him? Show him what is important to him is important to you too.

Instead of veiwing his disagreement as argument, look at it as his means of understanding things. He may have been hoping you would confirm what he was thinking, and when you don't - he wants to see if you might see it his way if he puts forth his point of view. You don't have to argue back, just paraphrase what he says (even if he is wrong) to show that you get what he is saying. Ask him some questions to see how he came up with something different. It can be really cool to learn the thought process behind how kids come up with their idea of how things work.

Originally Posted by becoming

I
I want my 2.5-year-old not to hit and kick her baby brother. I want her not to scream at the top of her lungs when I ask her to stop doing so. I want her not to throw her shoes out of the shopping cart repeatedly--usually right in other shoppers' path--every 2 minutes in the grocery store. I want her to let me help her with things instead of needing to do every single thing by herself.

Instead of asking her to quit, you could try just stopping her and moving her on to something else. Sometimes saying "no" or "stop" is a big trigger for young kids and gets a big reaction. Stopping it sends the same message, IMO.

With the shoes, If she kicks them off, could you just stick them in the cart or your bag? I know there is the no shirt, no shoes rule, but I don't think it would have to apply to someone that was in a cart and not walking through the store. I doubt anyone would say anything. If store personnel did, she might be more willing to keep them on when hearing it from someone else.

[Think of Winter]

All kids do really annoying things. It's part of growing up. My little angels refuse to wear shoes or help dress themselves, they squabble for fun, they toss anything and anything on the floor because they like to, and they don't take no for an answer. I could go on. I bet your kids are wonderful and just right, just the way they are, as are you. : But no mamas are perfect. It's very hard not to get fed up, and to lovingly embrace all these age-appropriate behaviors (like lack of empathy, and throwing shoes). Do something nice for yourself, and remember that this too shall pass.