Visiting a friend...advice?

[shannonnc78]

I'm not sure if this is the right place for this thread....

I am going to visit a friend on Wednesday who just had a baby last week. I've seen some pictures of her newborn and several of them show him with a pacifier. My worry is that she's already given up on breastfeeding - I know she wasn't completely convinced that she wanted to do it at all before she had the baby. My question is, if this is the case, how should I try to offer help without seeming pushy? I'm a member of our local API chapter, so I thought maybe I could give her one of our pamphlets and some info on one of our local LLL groups, but would that seem propaganda-ish and pushy? She and her family are extremely non-crunchy...I know she gets a lot of support from her SIL who has 3 kids already but FF'd all of them, so I don't know how much BFing support or encouragement she gets at all. I've got my fingers crossed that this isn't the case at all - that she's bfing just fine, but I suspect that isn't what is happening.


Any suggestions?

[elanorh]

It may be that she's using a paci and nursing too, and no worries at all. Hope for that!

I'd say, if you "happen" to have some cards or brochures in your purse that you can pull out if breastfeeding comes up and she is still trying or etc., and then write the address for kellymom down on it too ... that wouldn't necessarily look pushy or premeditated, but might come in handy.

I think the most useful advice I gave my SIL (very non-crunchy) about breastfeeding, was that breastfed babies don't behave like a formula-fed baby, and that's the way it should be. I'd say, be prepared to be a reassuring source of good information. "No, she should still be nursing that often, your milk is only just coming in!"

Follow her lead. I think if there's a way to insert into conversation how convenient bf became for you once you got the hang of it, etc., to reassure her that the 'work' of those early days is a good foundation to real ease as a mom of an older infant .... that could be helpful.

If she's still nursing (supplementing or 100%) make sure you extend an invitation to her to call whenever, with questions. And give your contact information for the other groups too.

[SophieAnn]

What about getting her a book as a gift? Some ideas would be "The Ultimate Breastfeeding Book of Answers" by Jack Newman, LLL's "The Motherly Art of Breastfeeding" or if you want to be more subtle.... "The Baby Book" from Dr. Sears. You could even make it a bundle gift by adding in some lanolin, breast pads, etc.

I would go on the assumption that she is at least trying to breastfeed. If it's only been a week I doubt it could be too late for her, and if she doesn't have good support then a book (and your offer of support/help) to counteract the misinformation she might be getting from other sources could really help.

Offer support, offer to go with her to a LLL meeting.... whatever you think would be supportive without being too pushy. What would be too pushy really depends on her and your friendship.

[MaryJaneLouise]

I would keep it short & sweet.

"How's the breastfeeding going? Are you getting the help you need? If you need anything, just call. Sometimes BFing is really hard in the beginning."

That way she can say "Everything is good", without having to answer your questions if she doesn't want to.

[frogautumn]

Is she a local friend? Maybe you could drop the name of a good LC?
I always do that whenever a friend has a baby...I just assume they're nursing and tell them, "I know it can be tricky in the beginning, but I met with the MOST FABULOUS lactation consultant and it really, really helped. I know I have her card somewhere--can I drop it off to you?"

[Sandi13]

We used a pacifier and nursed. Eventually DD decided to drop the pacifier altogether on her own. I would ask how it's going, offer to help with anything she needs, etc. It was a little tough at first for me (and still is at times) but luckily my MIL shared stories and advice. I agree with the short and sweet comment as well.

[Love_My_Bubba]

My DS will be 30 months soon and still nurses 3 times a day, we just tossed his pacifier in the garbage last week.

I wouldn't go in assuming the worst, it's going to affect how you react no matter what the situation and there are plenty of people who nurse successfully into toddlerhood and use pacifiers. I'd still go with info but with a positive attitude as well, it can only help!