when should i let her shave? - Page 4

[senke]

Could folk who homeschool chime in as to whether this is less of an issue? I've noticed that the homeschooled girls I know tend not to shave until later and seem pretty accepting of each other. I grew up in a more traditional school and definitely remember the social pressure to shave (I stopped shaving in college and haven't looked back).

It makes me sad that social pressure is a big impetus for girls shaving. The idea of "If she's getting teased for being hairy, then she needs to shave" doesn't strike me as that different from "If she's getting teased for not having designer clothes, then she needs to have them."

I don't know how we'll handle this with our daughter (she's only two, so we have time). My guess is that we'll let her shave when she wants to, but that we'll also make it clear that she doesn't HAVE to shave. I have horrible memories of being forced to pluck my eyebrows when I was a teen--I figure if I was able to navigate my social world with a unibrow, then I should have been permitted to do so!

[thisiswhatwedo]

thanks senke

Originally Posted by senke

Could folk who homeschool chime in as to whether this is less of an issue? I've noticed that the homeschooled girls I know tend not to shave until later and seem pretty accepting of each other. I grew up in a more traditional school and definitely remember the social pressure to shave (I stopped shaving in college and haven't looked back).

It makes me sad that social pressure is a big impetus for girls shaving. The idea of "If she's getting teased for being hairy, then she needs to shave" doesn't strike me as that different from "If she's getting teased for not having designer clothes, then she needs to have them."

I don't know how we'll handle this with our daughter (she's only two, so we have time). My guess is that we'll let her shave when she wants to, but that we'll also make it clear that she doesn't HAVE to shave. I have horrible memories of being forced to pluck my eyebrows when I was a teen--I figure if I was able to navigate my social world with a unibrow, then I should have been permitted to do so!

I kinda had to walk away from this conversation feeling sad. I just feel sad that for women and now girls shaving is mandatory. I remember going to see the movie Titanic when it came out (10 years ago?) and when the male character in the film shows a drawing of a woman with arm pit hair the audience , adults, did this out loud "eewww!" reaction. Folks it grows there,and I don't hear people yelling yukky over men's body hair, yet.
My kids go to a democratic free school and there are plenty of unshaven teens girls and boys there.
I guess I see it as a feminist and individual issue.
however I admit I do think shaven legs look slightly nicer but,
choice is what is important.....

[maman_a_deux]

This was a great thread as my daughter just asked me today when she could start shaving! She is only nine, so I put her question off by telling her "not until she's twelve". But after reading the other posts, I went back and asked her why she had asked. Turns out her leg hair was itching her (it is really long and noticable since she was quite young). So I changed my mind and showed her how to use my old electric razor (she can use a blade when she's older). She's happy and we had a good moment of communication. Sniff growing up so fast...

[jenP]

Originally Posted by aurora_skys

..shaving is incapable of altering the hair follicles in such a way that would cause a change in color or texture. All shaving does is snip off hair close to the skin. Sorry, but that dark hair wouldve come anyways, shaving just causes pubescent girls to notice it more because we went from being temporarily hairless to having hair grow back in. The hair on my legs is coarser and darker starting around the knees and down and is fine and blonde up from there. It doesnt matter if young women shave or not, their hormones are going to cause the hair to change until they reach maturity.

Thank you for pointing that out. Hair grows from the inside, and the ends are already dead. Cutting the ends does nothing to change what's growing out. The hair color/texture will change when and if its going to, whether or not you shave. I started shaving at 13, and my hair remained soft and downy through two years of shaving. I quit at 15 (I was into the cave-girl thing) and it remained soft and downy for another two years. Then it got thick and dark at 17, even though I had not shaved since 15.

Jen

[onlyAngil]

I see this as rather simple... it is not a thing of how old, but rather when she personally is ready. Is her underarms hairy, dose she her legs bother her? THEN LET HER SHAVE! or remove the hair another way. I know a few moms and daughters who go and get their legs/ underarms waxed together. They find it as a nice time to talk and bond. I would talk to her about what the different choices she has waxing, blades, creams gels, ext. Tell her why you do or do not shave. I mean really it is her body. If she is old enough to be asking about it, then teach her. My mum freaks that I like to save, I think I started around 13 or so. It had nothing to do with how old I was, rather just that I did not like the hair.

[Daniel's Kitty]

My mom started when she was 15 so she tried to make me wait too. I hated it since I have dark hair and finally got her to agree when I was 12. It wasn't s much that it bothered other people, I hated it.

[harrietsmama]

I got hairy early (around 8) and I was already the weird kid the one with germs to pass on etc. so I never noticed until I grew hair under my arms - 5th grade.
I switched schools then for awhile and started experimenting with shaving that summer. Then I joined a competitive swim team where we all only shaved the morning of meets and there were enough other kids around who did this as well so it was no biggie. I switched back to my original school in my Junior year and one boy was all lovey on me (I was dating someone else) and he said he was always afraid of me when we were younger because I was so hairy. hmmm. I have _always_ had trouble with shaving, remover products, waxing etc. so at about 19 I just quit, dresses or not. I do occasionally shave for a summer wedding or something, but a lot of my get togethers are with birthy crunchy folks & half of them don't shave either.

I'm hoping my daughter will feel more comfortable with herself from my example and make her own choice. If she decides to I will make sure I help her & teach her about knees & stuff to avoid pain as much as I can

[redeyedvireo]

Originally Posted by senke

Could folk who homeschool chime in as to whether this is less of an issue? I've noticed that the homeschooled girls I know tend not to shave until later and seem pretty accepting of each other. I grew up in a more traditional school and definitely remember the social pressure to shave (I stopped shaving in college and haven't looked back).

I was home educated, and shaved my legs and armpits - because my mom did, and everyone I knew did, and I thought it was just the thing to do. I stopped shaving my armpits during high school, when I quit using anti-perspirant and switched to mineral deodorant for health reasons. Then, during my first week at college, I met girls who didn't shave their legs, and who talked about why they didn't (feminism and comfort, mostly), and I thought - Hey, I can stop, too! I've never done it since. Funny that I never questioned shaving my legs, since I didn't do all sorts of things that "everyone" around me did. Guess you just can't question everything about your culture at once.

[loralieva]

This is a really interesting discussion. Not quite sure how I ended up reading it, but it's made me think! I have older boys - almost 10 and 12. The 12 year old is dark and seriously hairy - he nearly has a mustache. The 10 yo is blond like me. Furry, but it's blond fur. And then there's my daughter, just 2. She is like a furball. She has hair on her shoulders and back like you wouldn't believe...I'm hoping THAT at least will fall out!

I come from a "don't ask don't tell" type of family. We never discussed anything at all...I just did what I wanted. My parents never even commented that I had started shaving, wearing makeup, etc. As my friend and I say, we are still "waiting for the birds and bees talk". We're 42!

Anyway, I foresee loads of waxing and shaving in the future for my daughter. As soon as she is bothered, we'll be getting her an electric razor. Seems safer. And we'll wax whatever needs waxing. If it bothers her - if it doesn't, fine!

[harrietsmama]

Originally Posted by loralieva

And then there's my daughter, just 2. She is like a furball. She has hair on her shoulders and back like you wouldn't believe...I'm hoping THAT at least will fall out!

Anyway, I foresee loads of waxing and shaving in the future for my daughter. As soon as she is bothered, we'll be getting her an electric razor. Seems safer. And we'll wax whatever needs waxing. If it bothers her - if it doesn't, fine!

My daughter was a furball too until she was... well, I never really noticed, it just gradually went away. She's 8.5 now and isn't furry at all

[macca]

Originally Posted by nummies

My mom agreed to let me shave whenever I wanted to. I was a gymnast and in leotards a lot. I needed to shave. I can't imagine forcing your 12 year old daughter to endure name-calling and forbiding her to shave to build character.

:

[macca]

Originally Posted by RunnerDuck

If a teenage boy were developing facial hair, there'd be no questions about letting him shave. He'd start to shave when there was hair there, not when he reached a certain age or when his peers were doing it.

This is what always baffles me about the female-shaving issue. When women shave, according to more hardcore feminists, we're just deferring to men and being oppressed tools of the patriachy and need to accept that women's underarms, legs etc are naturally hairy. But when men shave, it's no big deal.

[lifeguard]

I think the issue for some women is that they don't shave themselves so seeing their daughters doing it is difficult. I know for my Mom she doesn't shave her legs & she really disagreed with my desire to do so.

Some people really do feel that the shaving that women do is more for sexual attraction then for hygiene or grooming.

[macca]

Originally Posted by lifeguard

I think the issue for some women is that they don't shave themselves so seeing their daughters doing it is difficult. I know for my Mom she doesn't shave her legs & she really disagreed with my desire to do so.

Some people really do feel that the shaving that women do is more for sexual attraction then for hygiene or grooming.

It's true that hygiene doesn't really play a part, but then, there's no reason men have to be completely clean shaven for hygiene purposes either.

I've even heard some feminists say that leg-shaving is a way of "infantalizing" women and keeping them like children because our society is a youth obsessed culture. The EXACT SAME ARGUMENT could be made for male-shaving. Yet that isn't controversial at all. Men don't see having to shave their faces (and some jobs actually require it, I don't know any job that requires a woman to shave her legs) as being "kept down". I don't understand the double standard, really.

[whateverdidiwants]

Originally Posted by RunnerDuck

If a teenage boy were developing facial hair, there'd be no questions about letting him shave. He'd start to shave when there was hair there, not when he reached a certain age or when his peers were doing it.

Not necessarily. My first boyfriend's mom wouldn't let him shave until he was out of high school because she didn't think he "needed it". He wasn't super hairy, but he did have a noticeable light mustache.

[mommy68]

Are her hairs really noticeable? I'd go by that. I had a friend once with a DD that had black hair and her leg hair was totally black by the time she was like 8 years old and for several more years she had to live that way before her mother allowed her to shave. I felt sorry for her. She was very thin too so the hairs showed even more with less skin stretching them out. So I'd take in to consideration how visible the hairs are. If they aren't visible then wait a while longer.

[frontierpsych]

Originally Posted by ziggy

My mother made me start shaving when I was eleven. I stopped when I was 17.

That's at least as bad as not letting someone shave, IMO

What kind of message does that get across? "Your natural body is gross, go shave so you're not gross!" :

[thisiswhatwedo]

Originally Posted by macca

This is what always baffles me about the female-shaving issue. When women shave, according to more hardcore feminists, we're just deferring to men and being oppressed tools of the patriachy and need to accept that women's underarms, legs etc are naturally hairy. But when men shave, it's no big deal.

well I think the issue is that for men body hair is natural and shaving your face is a choice of style, for women it is either be pretty and conform by shaving all your body hair (which is now starting to include pubic hair) or be an ugly dyke. Somehow our natural body hair is unnatural now and there is a cultural repulsion attached to womens hair. I mean I was in the pool recently next to a very hairy man, full back hair etc,... and people were gawking at my armpit hair. If you pay attention to media there is considerable talk about no hair-Brazilian waxes but you don't hear men on talk shows discussing how to get rid of all their unsightly body hair, it is, you must admit a totally different standard. So if I extrapolate what that might mean to our daughters, it might mean they feel yet more pressure to be barbie perfect. I'm not arguing whether your daughter should shave, she should do what makes her feel better about herself, it is the lack of acceptance in our culture of a variety of female images as acceptable that I am getting at. I think I've argued this point enough so I will end by saying my daughter is too young to even know about shaving and I have no idea when or if or why we will start this conversation. I will say I am overwhelmed with the media messages she has to deal with regarding her body and I think all of us moms can agree that we are trying our best to help our daughters have the best and most positive self body image they can.

[ZenMamaGrace]

my mother refused to let me shave my legs as a teenager. i was angry at the time, but now i'm 24 and have very fine light blond hair on my legs that is almost invisible. my little sister started shaving at 11, and at 15 has enlarged hair folicles and corser hair on her legs. i'm glad my mother was firm about not letting me cave to peer pressure. My daughter is only 2 years old, but I hope she is growing up to love herself and will not feel the need to conform to an absurd standard of "beauty".

have a talk with your daughter, find out the reasons she wants to start shaving. if she is really hairy, and very self consious about it, waxing might be a better way to go as it lasts much longer.

[Mom&BabyChiro]

Shaving Gel

Originally Posted by Teensy

I would buy one of the razors with the shaving gel built in - much easier to use.

Something to consider with the razors with built in shaving cream (and the majority of other shaving creams on the market) is that they contain toxic ingredients. Not only is the product being applied to a large portion of exposed skin where the toxins can be quickly absorbed (even when washed off relatively quickly), but the shaving process can cause micro-cuts and abrasions on the skin's surface - increasing the absorption of these toxins into one's system.

Please consider the potential effects on your daughters' health and instead purchase a natural shave gel or lotion which you can find online if not available at a local store in your area. I know it might not be quite as convenient (or inexpensive), but definitely worth the small extra effort!