when should i let her shave? - Page 5

[mommabear207]

Originally Posted by BedHead

In answer to her question, I would tell her that she's old enough to shave if she has hair that needs shaving off. Then let her pick out a razor, show her how, and that's that.

ditto

[erinsmom1996]

My daughter just recently started shaving her legs and she'll be 12 next month. She doesn't every day or even every week, just when she thinks of it I guess. I just got her a razor when she asked and told her that if it was important to her I would support her and help her if she needed it. To me it was about her being comfortable.

[TheGirls]

Originally Posted by ZenMamaGrace

my mother refused to let me shave my legs as a teenager. i was angry at the time, but now i'm 24 and have very fine light blond hair on my legs that is almost invisible. my little sister started shaving at 11, and at 15 has enlarged hair folicles and corser hair on her legs.

That is an interesting story, but it is simply incorrect to imply that shaving causes coarser hair. If you trim the hair on your head with scissors, it doesn't get coarser or darker. Same thing if you cut the hair on your legs with a razor blade.

[Doula Dani]

Originally Posted by smashlie

My 9.5year old is asking how old she needs to be to start shaving her legs. I've been dreading this! What do you guys think a good age is for this?

I didn't read every response, but I think if *she* wants to shave, I'd let her. My mother wouldn't let me shave (I felt my legs were too hairy for a dress around 8 or 9) and I was very self conscious about it and it made me pissy at my mom. I used to do it behind her back and I think I accidentally cut myself really badly one time, but if she'd have agreed and shown me how to do it that probably wouldn't have been an issue.

Good luck with this!

[PGTlatte]

At whatever point she is self-conscious about hair and able to be careful with a razor, I would help her learn to do it safely.

I grow very thick, dark hair on my legs and am very fair-skinned. I remember being terribly embarrassed by it. My mom never helped me learn. I learned at summer camp from a friend, the summer before 6th grade, after at least two summers of being very embarrassed by my leg hair. And then I felt embarrassed about having my mom notice that I was shaving. I would have appreciated it so much if she had helped me with it as soon as I was old enough to be bothered by the hair.

Originally Posted by smashlie

My 9.5year old is asking how old she needs to be to start shaving her legs. I've been dreading this! What do you guys think a good age is for this?

[WaitingForKiddos]

I was being homescholled around the time I started shaving my legs...10-12 years old. I wasn't really hairy, I had zero pubes or pit hair. I remember thinking that the homeschool group's oldest girl (pastor's daughter no less!) was super grown up ( being a big 2 years older than me) so I asked Mom if I could shave and she said yes.

I hate the controling attitude of telling someone that is no longer a little kid that they must endure teasing, feeling hairy, etc because I'm not ready for them to 'grow up'

[Codililly]

Sounds like I'm beating a dead horse but...

Absolutely, this seems to be the majority consencus but there is no reason to have her feel self concious and negative about herself. i would definitely go with the answer before the razor though. I lived with my dad and had no support on the issue myself it was very embarassing and difficult to deal with.

[monkeys4mama]

Different take on this question...

Here's a different take on this...

My dd is 11 and doesn't really need to shave her legs (imo) but she will be starting middle school in the fall and is going to be skipping the sixth grade and going directly into the seventh grade. She's very concerned about fitting in and looking right when she starts middle school. I think the grade skip makes it even more important to her. I've never seen her worry about styles or brand names until now. Suddenly all these matters have become important to her.

But I digress...

I've been wondering if I should suggest to dd that she may shave her legs if she wishes and offer to show her how. I was just waiting for her to ask, but now that she's going to the 7th grade, I'm thinking maybe those girls are all shaving already and perhaps she hasn't thought about this. She has been shaving under her arms for over a year (just has a small amount of hair) but she's not very consistent about that. I notice that she often goes weeks between. Doesn't bother me any, so I never said anything to her. But I'm thinking perhaps I ought to since middle-schoolers might notice that and react negatively. I don't want to press additional body-image concerns on her if she doesn't have them now. But otoh, I'd hate to have her go off to school and be the victim of some rude comment or someone's attitude. It might really ding her self-esteem.

Opinions?

[redveg]

I let my dd's shave at 10 yrs old. Not because of an age limit, but because they were having a hard time with how hairy they were and being the only ones who didn't shave. I think it depends on their bodies and how they feel about themselves. I would let her shave..

[Ziggysmama]

Originally Posted by Mom&BabyChiro

Something to consider with the razors with built in shaving cream (and the majority of other shaving creams on the market) is that they contain toxic ingredients. Not only is the product being applied to a large portion of exposed skin where the toxins can be quickly absorbed (even when washed off relatively quickly), but the shaving process can cause micro-cuts and abrasions on the skin's surface - increasing the absorption of these toxins into one's system.

Please consider the potential effects on your daughters' health and instead purchase a natural shave gel or lotion which you can find online if not available at a local store in your area. I know it might not be quite as convenient (or inexpensive), but definitely worth the small extra effort!

Yeah! The 'Kiss My Face' brand shave cream is really nice, and natural and smells yummmmmmmmm!

[LavenderMae]

I guess I am the only one that hopes my dd doesn't want to shave. I mean really it's such an asinine practice yet I am conditioned and don't think my legs look good unshaved (even so I rarely shave). We do talk about how women shaving is just societal and hair is natural ect.

That said my dd can shave when she wants too. She's 11 and so far shows no interest.

[frog]

It's her body--I don't shave at all, but if my kid wanted to, I'd have no problem with it.

[GooeyRN]

I don't get the "don't let them grow up too fast" thinking. If they have leg or underarm hair, and they don't like it, and they are able to safely shave it off, why not let them? Just b/c WE are not ready for them to grow up does not mean they won't grow up. I wouldn't want my dd to be uncomfortable or endure people picking on her due to my hang-ups about her getting older. I will get her a razer and show her how to use it. Puberty happens. Its part of life. Just b/c we don't want it to start yet does not make it wait for us to be ready. If they grow breasts, and want a Bra, I don't care if they are 8 or 18, I will get them a bra. Even with no breasts at 8, if they want a bra, they will get a bra. I am here to guide them through the different life phases and help them through it, not to try and keep them little kids forever.

Personally, I think there are bigger fish to fry in parenting than removing body hair. If you try to control everything, you will end up with a lot of control problems and rebellion. I am not going to fight hair cuts, perms, any hair coloring that is allowed by the school, clothing that is allowed by the school, jewelry allowed by the school, make-up that is not WAY beyond excessive, music, etc. If I fight all of those little things, how am I going to have any say in the big things? It seems like all we would be doing is fighting through the pre-teen and teen years. I don't want that.

[ma_vie_en_rose]

Originally Posted by monkeys4mama

I've been wondering if I should suggest to dd that she may shave her legs if she wishes and offer to show her how. I was just waiting for her to ask, but now that she's going to the 7th grade, I'm thinking maybe those girls are all shaving already and perhaps she hasn't thought about this. She has been shaving under her arms for over a year (just has a small amount of hair) but she's not very consistent about that. I notice that she often goes weeks between. Doesn't bother me any, so I never said anything to her. But I'm thinking perhaps I ought to since middle-schoolers might notice that and react negatively. I don't want to press additional body-image concerns on her if she doesn't have them now. But otoh, I'd hate to have her go off to school and be the victim of some rude comment or someone's attitude. It might really ding her self-esteem.

Opinions?

I would just throw it out there to her that if she wants to shave her legs, you are willing to show her. Let her know that it is completely up to her and to just let you know whenever she feels she is ready. She may be ready now, or she may not be ready at all. She could start 7th grade and notice everyone shaves prompting her to want to do it. Just leave it up to her, but let her know you are ready to show her when she is. That is what we have always said to DSD (10yo), and she asked this past year.

[frog]

Originally Posted by ma_vie_en_rose

I would just throw it out there to her that if she wants to shave her legs, you are willing to show her. Let her know that it is completely up to her and to just let you know whenever she feels she is ready. She may be ready now, or she may not be ready at all. She could start 7th grade and notice everyone shaves prompting her to want to do it. Just leave it up to her, but let her know you are ready to show her when she is. That is what we have always said to DSD (10yo), and she asked this past year.

I'd also encourage you to support her if she chooses NOT to shave. That was the biggest struggle for me, dealing with my mom's whatever once I quit shaving. It was NOT FUN. :

[onlyAngil]

Originally Posted by LavenderMae

I guess I am the only one that hopes my dd doesn't want to shave. I mean really it's such an asinine practice yet I am conditioned and don't think my legs look good unshaved (even so I rarely shave). We do talk about how women shaving is just societal and hair is natural ect.

That said my dd can shave when she wants too. She's 11 and so far shows no interest.

Do not get me wrong, my dd is only 4mo, but I feel very much as you do. When it is I wrote, it was more to the main post.

[smashlie]

Well, I did let her. She was very proud. I showed her how to do it for her first couple of times and now she feels comfortable on her own. She was never hairy and wasn't picked on, but she's been very interested in her body. She's been brushing her hair more without prompting and has been spending a LOT of time picking out her clothes. She also puts on lip gloss. I'm not going to make an issue out of it. We remind her that she doesn't need these things to be beautiful. I think she's just experimenting and getting to know her body. I'm trying not to let it bother me.

[sunshine's mama]

i started shaving when i was 12 bc my older cousin was 15 and shaved and i thought she was the coolest... i also did it bc we are italian/greek and have very dark hair and it embarassed me alot bc all my friends didn't.

i used ivory soap.....lathered up really well and shaved.

i went through periods in college when i didn't and still go through periods...

but i always use ivory soap. it works for me.


i would talk with her and find out why. and maybe let her. she may decide it's a big ol pain in the buttkas and not want to do it for awhile.

[MtnLivinMama]

I would wait, or just tell her noncahalantly that some of the other girls may be shaving their legs, since they might have more or darker hair already, and offer to show her how if she wants to learn. But I would tread carefully here - I remember my mother "suggesting" that I should shave because I was so hairy. I was not at all self-conscious; I knew I had hairy legs and armpits, but I was pretty comfortable with that. Once my mother suggested that maybe I should embarassed, I did start shaving, but I hated it, and I hated the implicit suggestion that I was "imperfect" or even "ugly" with body hair, and I hated the fact that I was more "developed" than some of my peers. This is an interesting thread - my dd is on the hairy side, too, and I hope she might be spared some of my discomfort about it!

[beansricerevolt]

Originally Posted by senke

Could folk who homeschool chime in as to whether this is less of an issue? I've noticed that the homeschooled girls I know tend not to shave until later and seem pretty accepting of each other. I grew up in a more traditional school and definitely remember the social pressure to shave (I stopped shaving in college and haven't looked back).

It makes me sad that social pressure is a big impetus for girls shaving. The idea of "If she's getting teased for being hairy, then she needs to shave" doesn't strike me as that different from "If she's getting teased for not having designer clothes, then she needs to have them."

I don't know how we'll handle this with our daughter (she's only two, so we have time). My guess is that we'll let her shave when she wants to, but that we'll also make it clear that she doesn't HAVE to shave. I have horrible memories of being forced to pluck my eyebrows when I was a teen--I figure if I was able to navigate my social world with a unibrow, then I should have been permitted to do so!

We homeschool and DD is 10 and does not shave. Last year she asked ( I think I posted a question here ) and I asked her why she wanted to. She was just curious as to what age she can shave I told her that I would like for her to wait until she has her moon but if she felt that it was uncomfortable, we can talk about our options. Haven't heard a word yet.
Many of the girls in our homeschool groups do not shave yet. It seems that the teens do but actually, none of the 8-11 year range do. (I've been looking )
For what its worth, I do not shave my arm pits but do shave my legs.