Clean up help

[Siennaflower]

I need some perspective on an issue my dd and I are having. She's 5, dh has been deployed for a couple months and our normal routine is suddenly not working the way it used to. I expected it, but I'm at a loss for dealing with it. Every night before bed we do clean up. She has done great cleaning up her toys in her room for a long time. Suddenly she's giving me every excuse under the sun as to why she can't. She's thirsty, hungry, tired, hot, her foot hurts, there's a bug, she has to pee, she has to poop (seperate trip), she heard a scary noise, her closet is too dark, she wants to 'talk' to Daddy (chicken peck in an email), her head hurts, she has the hic-hic-hiccups. Ahhh!! I've tried patiently responding to each excuse, helping her get a glass of water, kissing booboos, etc and then gently prodding her to please continue cleaning. She will act like she doesn't know where everything goes, when she's been doing this for well over a year without trouble. It goes on for too long, she's tired, I'm tired and losing patience very quickly. I end up raising my voice and threatening to throw it all away. If I offer to help I end up doing it all myself. I need a new approach. I tried making it a game, that worked for two nights and then the novelty wore off. Any words of advice, books to read, or general 'been there done that'?

[LynnS6]

Dh and I found that separating out clean up time from bed time has made clean up time a lot easier (and bed time a lot easier too!). My kids didn't have the energy to do the clean up without a lot of nagging, and we were all getting pretty grumpy.

So, we moved it to just after dinner. They're motivated because they want to go play some more before bedtime. They've got more energy (they just ate dinner). I've also made up 'chore sticks' that the kids can choose from (they rotate daily depending no what needs to be done), sometimes they say "pick up 5 toys" sometimes it's "pick up 10 pieces of paper", sometimes it's something funny like "sing a song" or "give mom a hug". They also get to do "real" chores, such as vacuuming, cleaning the toilets, the sinks, mopping, etc. In order to vacuum or mop (two favorite chores), they have to pick things off the carpet, and so there's a reason. Or, if they're mopping the kitchen, I can make a quick sweep through the living room.

[Siennaflower]

Thank you! I hadn't thought about the connection between cleaning up time and bed time being so close to one another. Maybe a shake up of our routine will do us both some good Chore sticks sound great too.

[AaronsMommy]

I wouldn't threaten her to take her toys away, unless you are really going to do it (and personally this frugal momma would never throw anything out.) But, I don't see anything wrong with giving her a time frame to complete the task (visible timers work great) especially if you are confident that she has the skills to achieve what you are asking of her. And, then whatever is not cleaned up when the timer goes off will go away for a little while until she can get better at taking care of her things. I've found as long as you are compassionate about this and let her know you are sad for her that some of her toys need to go away for a while, she will get it. Good luck

[mamaduck]

It makes sense to me to rearrange your routine. In addition to being tired at bedtime, I imagine she is also emotionally needy and missing her Daddy more at the end of the day. Its hard to keep emotions at bay when one is tired, and it is difficult to close out a day without having everyone you love the most close by. I would move clean-up time to another part of the day and try to incorporate some extra connection rituals into your bedtime routine.

[2swangirls]

You could also move it to just before dinner. If she starts fussing don't fight with her, just tell her she's welcome to join you for dinner when she's done.

I'm sure there's things you have to get done before you get to eat your dinner too!
Cook, do dishes, cleen this or that.

[kacymoose]

Have you tried talking to her to see what brought about this change? I think figuring out why she suddenly doesn't want to pick up is important. It might be something that she can't articulate, so you might have to do some guessing and thinking about recent experiences that led up to this. Understanding where she is coming from can lead to finding a solution that will work for her.