My sister is pregnant

[IlluminatedAttic]

So I've been crying most of the evening. She never thought she wanted kids, she and her dh were always so consumed with their work and hobbies and happy to live their life as aunt and uncle. She's always thought I was crazy for wanting four or more.

Then they changed their minds and had my adorable nephew a year ago. "I can't imagine having more than one," she's said several times. Her cycle returned in May, she evidently ran out and bought a fertility monitor. She got pregnant in June. She called to share the news.

Somewhere deep down I am happy for her. They are great parents and the child will be blessed and loved. I think I put up a good show on the phone, congratulating her and all.

I have been blessed with a wonderful son. He is my reason to live and breathe. I know I should be thankful for what I have. But we've been trying for two years with no results. Medical tests find no reason for the infertility. Next month dh reaches the age that we originally agreed to stop having children. Though we are both willing to break the original timeline we also don't feel it will be responsible to push it by too much.

I feel guilty that I'm not more happy for her than mourning for myself. :raincloud:

[dandelionsrflowers]

[kristenok18]

This is how I felt when my younger sister announced her 2nd pg. I was so devastated. I wanted to be happy for her, and I guess I was, but it was still so crushingly painful for me. Does your sister know about your IF? If so, I hope she will be sensitive to your feelings during this time. Please be gentle with yourself, and allow yourself this time to grieve.

[barose]

I am so sorry.

I dont have any sisters, but when my close friends announce their pregnancies, it feels like a part of me dies. I had a ex-coworker announce her pregnancy to me through Facebook on the same day I got not only a negative pregnancy test (via HPT and ultrasound), but more evidence of my failing fertility. I can’t imagine how you are feeling right now.

[IlluminatedAttic]

Thanks for the hugs, I needed them! I'm doing better today and am more able to be happy for her, but I've had several weepy moments. I'm sure it will get easier. She does know about our IF and she emailed me today that she was nervous to tell me. I know she called me last of the whole family which usually would not have been the case. Our relationship grew much closer through her first pregnancy and becoming a new mama and I would hate for this one to push us apart because she was trying to not involve me as much in order to save my feelings. But I appreciate be able to come here to read and share with others in the same/similar situations.

[TTC Catholic]

I am so sorry. I can relate to your pain and mixed emotions. My sister is also pg w/her 2nd child. She knows of my IF struggle. She also informed me last out of our family members about her pregnancy. Neither child was planned. In fact, she used BC both times she conceived. Of course she loves her children dearly. She felt guilty about being pg when my husband & I have been trying to conceive. She said she felt like Miranda from Sex and the City, who became pg without trying, when Charlotte (which also happens to be my darling niece's name) was trying to conceive. I also felt guilty for feeling pain & sorrow at the news of this pg. When she announced the pg of her 1st child, I felt absolute joy & excitement; I had not been TTC at the time. In fact, I wasn't even married at the time. I also cried when I found out about my sister's pregnancy. This made me feel terrible because this baby didn't get my same initial excitement from me that my niece did. As time went on, I felt more joy. She asked my husband & me to be the baby's godparents, which brought us great comfort. As time passed & more women around me were becoming pg, I found the impending birth of this baby, along with helping care for my niece, to be one of the few things getting me through the pain of infertility. If you ever want to talk more about what you are experiencing, please feel free to contact me at [e-mail]. I wish you the best. Hugs, and God bless you!

[Masel]

Hugs. I've know what you mean. DH and I of all of our sibs started trying first. My one sis, both of his and now his SiL all have had kids. When I was at my worst about being babyless I was asked to help with Sil's shower. I made the cake. That's all I could bring myself to do.
Even when we adopted it seemed like everyone got pregnant (again!) about the same time. I know they weren't deliberatly rubbing it in my face but sometimes it felt that way.

[lifeguard]

It is so hard & I don't think anyone can truly understand until they've been on this side of things - although they may try to be empathetic. My SIL got pregnant, by accident, with a moron of a boyfriend & as I am her closest friend/confident I was the one who accompanied her for an abortion. It was like a sick joke. We asked if she would considering allowing us to adopt the baby but her boyfriend (who of course didn't last) refused.