Originally Posted by That Is Nice
Is a support system vital to your happiness, vitality, and efficiency of being a SAHM? Do you have a support system that keeps fatigue and burn out at bay? What does your support system look like?
It is so hard when there isn't any help available. My mom lives nearby but she is still employed full-time and is a work-aholic. Every once in a while she will say that she is going to quit and then take care of DD and DS so that I can go back to work. I don't want to go back to work though and I love being at home. She doesn't understand that and honestly I think she would not enjoy being with her grandkids all day. She would sit them in front of the television and shower them with hundreds of electronic plastic toys (that is another story lol). And I wouldn't enjoy that either!!
BUT... I need help.
When DD was first born we were overwhelmed. All of these visitors came to see the baby and yet no one was able to help. DH's mom is far away and both of our dads have passed on early in life. We have siblings but they are dispersed all over the country. Anyway, we were run ragged. I felt so unsupported and was undernourished, exhausted and filled with post-partum anxiety/sadness. I really believe that if we had organized a better support system I wouldn't have had such a tough time adjusting. DH was a superstar and took extra time off to help me. It didn't help that DD was very colicky and had some health issues.
Fast forward to DS and he was a dream baby. So eager to sleep and feed. Thankfully he was like this or I think I would have gone crazy trying to take care of two highly demanding children.
Again, my mom seemed to stay away. I dreamed she would bring us food or offer to take care of DD.
It's partly or mainly our fault, we never asked for help at all. Instead we waited for someone to offer and that didn't always happen. We just hoped our family would be there - at least more there for us. I remember the best gifts in those early days were from girlfriends who brought a meal by - even leaving it on the doorstep.
DH and I were soooo tired. We decided to hire a cleaning crew and they are wonderful women who come twice a month. This is one of the highlights in our days. We enjoy seeing them - the children both are so excited when they come - and they help us keep a clean house. It is well worth the extra money that we spend for this help.
Also, we have decided to get a babysitter who will take the kids to the park and do crafts with them. This is still not enough though.
I am much more open to asking for help now than I used to be. I teeter on the edge of burnout alot. There are some moms in the neighbourhood that are also SAHMs. I am going to try and organize a babysitting trade with some of them. We need to help each other out more. Neighbours here often keep to themselves - but it would be nice to change that and have a better support system.
Thatisnice I hope you are able to find some more support soon.