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Picky Eaters : Born or Made? - Page 7

post #121 of 168
Quote:
Originally Posted by velochic View Post
The "you're kidding" and eyeroll was because this is exactly the kind of thing parents do that perpetuates pickiness. "Oh, that's okay to not eat the crust... it probably causes cancer anyway."
Well, if you hear me say that to my child, go ahead and roll your eyes. This is however a discussion forum full of adults and it was simply a reasonable theory.

And, no, my child can't read, either.
post #122 of 168
Quote:
Originally Posted by velochic View Post
The "you're kidding" and eyeroll was because this is exactly the kind of thing parents do that perpetuates pickiness. "Oh, that's okay to not eat the crust... it probably causes cancer anyway." I think a lot of people don't realize that these kinds of casual comments penetrate the minds of young kids and DOES turn them off of certain foods. This just lends more credence to the argument that picky eaters are made, not born.
Except scientific evidence, which is not based on prejudice around how young children "should" eat or the desire to judge other parents as worse-than, has shown that pickiness is likely genetic.

However a preference for junk food is different.
post #123 of 168
Quote:
Originally Posted by GuildJenn View Post
Except scientific evidence, which is not based on prejudice around how young children "should" eat or the desire to judge other parents as worse-than, has shown that pickiness is likely genetic.

However a preference for junk food is different.
Do you have a link to this scientific evidence, please? I like seeing the data... which often changes my mind.
post #124 of 168
Quote:
Originally Posted by GuildJenn View Post
Congrats, but I have NEVER required my son to eat anything he didn't like, nor have I withheld food from him when he was hungry to get him to eat something new to meet some goal, and he eats pretty much everything. I think that is genetic. I have the decency to assume that it's a range and other people's kids fall on different places in the range.

I think there are respectful ways - modelling, providing opportunity, making mealtimes and new meals fun - to encourage a child to develop his or her own taste, without having to get into this whole moralistic "picky eaters have sucky parents!" thing. Or even having to work at it.

ETA: I'm not trying to be more AP than thou. I'm just kind of amazed that people who accept that children develop discipline over time and with gentle guidance, or that we breastfeed on demand and trust the child, express that picky eating must be stamped out! Or else!
Saying that "I have the deceney to xyz" and "I'm just amazed" is pulling a I'm more AP, holier that thou attitude. I've never forced my child to eat something, and I've never withheld food. I don't have to because I haven't created a situation where my son will only eat one of a half dozen foods. And if a parent does create that kind of situation, no longer providing those foods is not withholding all FOOD, a normal kid won't waste away if they don't have their favorite starch, one fruit and one veggie. And giving a child a variety of healthy options that are not on their chosen grocery list is not forcing them to eat something they don't like, I'm not advocating strapping your kid down and shoving things in his/her mouth.
post #125 of 168
post #126 of 168
Quote:
Originally Posted by velochic View Post
Do you have a link to this scientific evidence, please? I like seeing the data... which often changes my mind.
I think she is talking about how super tasters avoid bitter tastes like in some vegetables. I did a quick search and found one article. Maybe the PP has more.

http://www.umich.edu/news/index.html...b97/chr021297b
post #127 of 168
Quote:
Originally Posted by meganeilis View Post
Saying that "I have the deceney to xyz" and "I'm just amazed" is pulling a I'm more AP, holier that thou attitude. I've never forced my child to eat something, and I've never withheld food. I don't have to because I haven't created a situation where my son will only eat one of a half dozen foods. And if a parent does create that kind of situation, no longer providing those foods is not withholding all FOOD, a normal kid won't waste away if they don't have their favorite starch, one fruit and one veggie. And giving a child a variety of healthy options that are not on their chosen grocery list is not forcing them to eat something they don't like, I'm not advocating strapping your kid down and shoving things in his/her mouth.

And maybe other parents haven't created that situation either. As I said, I had no need whatsoever to remove foods from my son's diet for him to try other things. I don't know why it's such a leap to think that maybe that's HIM and maybe other kids are, gasp, different from yours and mine.
post #128 of 168
So those of you who have picky eaters who were born, not made, are you picky?

I have one picky eater and two who aren't. I will generally eat whatever is in front of me, esp. if I don't have to cook it! My DH is very picky though. Vegetables are really problematic for him.

I did that tasting the paper test in school and I couldn't taste anything. He said he could really taste it. So I guess it makes sense genetically that one of our three kids is picky.
post #129 of 168
Quote:
Originally Posted by GuildJenn View Post
And maybe other parents haven't created that situation either. As I said, I had no need whatsoever to remove foods from my son's diet for him to try other things. I don't know why it's such a leap to think that maybe that's HIM and maybe other kids are, gasp, different from yours and mine.
Yeah, I remember my neighbor saying how she "wouldn't allow" her daughter to be a picky eater. Well, her daughter refused to wear socks, overalls, pants with elastic, etc., etc.. My picky eater doesn't. Does that mean that I "haven't allowed" my daughter to have clothing issues? No. It just means that she doesn't have them just like this other little girl didn't have picky eating issues.

In general, I think that people think that picky eaters are caused by something the parent did. People used to think this about autistic kids too. My neighbor's autistic son is 43 and she was told that she caused him to be that way.
post #130 of 168
OP, I think it's mix of nurture and nature. Not sure how the topic strayed to 'who's a better parent'.

Some kids are picky, some are not. Sometimes food becomes a power struggle, and pickiness develops as a tactic in that game.
post #131 of 168
Quote:
Originally Posted by lindberg99 View Post
So those of you who have picky eaters who were born, not made, are you picky?
I was quite picky as a child, and it was almost always about texture. My palate expanded quite a bit as an adult, but you will never see me eat oatmeal willingly.
post #132 of 168
Quote:
Originally Posted by lindberg99 View Post
So those of you who have picky eaters who were born, not made, are you picky?
My picky eater is exactly the same as I was. Nothing in the world could get me to eat stuff I didn't want to, same with DS. I feel I did everything "right" to ensure I didn't have a picky eater, so I'm convinced he was born this way, and that it is a phase. I've learned to not let it bother me that SO many people judge me and think that it's "wrong" that my son is picky. He eats perfectly healthy foods and someday, like me, he will decide to try some new things.
post #133 of 168
Those links are very strong evidence. My mother is an extremely picky eater. I was as a child and forced myself to become a more adventurous eater (out of necessity as I started traveling to exotic places with no foods familiar in the US) and then dd, who also travels with us now is an extremely adventurous eater. There were times I had to introduce a food to her probably 20 times, though, before she became a fan of it. Others, like mussels, oysters, organ meats, okra (well, most vegetables), she took to immediately. There are a lot of foods that she loves that I am simply not fond of. But I cook it and I eat it and she sees me eating it, and in response has a healthy attitude about these "odd" foods and enjoys them, even while I'm not.

That article says that with persistence a parent can turn a picky child into a non-picky child. Perhaps I would have had a picky child too if I had given up. In our case, I knew that dd would be traveling to places that she *had* to expand her palate or be sick with hunger so I never gave up... and today, well, I already explained that above. For dd, myself and my mother it has never been an issue with texture, btw... just taste.

I also thought I'd add that dd and I both know when something is not freshly made. There have been times that when eating out dd will say, "I think this came from a can" or I'll say something similar. We both can taste the chemicals in processed food.

I'm also 100% convinced that kids (and adults) can become addicted to processed foods and crave fast food for that reason.
post #134 of 168
I noticed that sometimes people take pickiness personally, almost. Even as an adult, I've had friend's/hosts get upset because I didn't want to eat a particular item. So the heck what? My ex-room mate would get seriously butthurt when I turned down the okra she made. And she made me oatmeal for months, and got upset every time I explained that I did, in fact, hate oatmeal.
post #135 of 168
Quote:
Originally Posted by velochic View Post

I'm also 100% convinced that kids (and adults) can become addicted to processed foods and crave fast food for that reason.
I totally agree with this - I was raised on processed food and had to wean myself off of them.

I also agree that parents can impact on their child's range - within the range. But I think that it is time to acknowledge that picky eating, like personality, may come pre-loaded, and it's not a character flaw. And how parents choose to deal with it is really up to them.
post #136 of 168
Quote:
Originally Posted by lindberg99 View Post
So those of you who have picky eaters who were born, not made, are you picky?
Not at all! Ds was quite the surprise, lol. But he has helped me understand my dh is a variety of ways and helped me stop being judgmental towards my mil.
post #137 of 168
Quote:
Originally Posted by lindberg99 View Post
So those of you who have picky eaters who were born, not made, are you picky?

I have one picky eater and two who aren't. I will generally eat whatever is in front of me, esp. if I don't have to cook it! My DH is very picky though. Vegetables are really problematic for him.

I did that tasting the paper test in school and I couldn't taste anything. He said he could really taste it. So I guess it makes sense genetically that one of our three kids is picky.
I'm a picky eater and dd is but her's is more related to sensory issues. She doesn't like certian textures like yogurt, icecream, paint, wet sand, mud. I am pretty sure a lot of it is related to her being a preemie. She also can't stand any sort of loud noises, hates crowds of people, and says certian types of clothes hurt her.

My dh, on the other hand, is a picky eater, but his pickiness is related to his mother. She spent his entire childhood telling him raw fruits and veggies were awful. She boiled everything, including lettuce. He has never even tried most foods that he says he doesn't like. I got him to taste my salad for the first time last month and he actually liked it.
post #138 of 168
Quote:
Originally Posted by velochic View Post
Perhaps I would have had a picky child too if I had given up.
Or maybe not. You said your daughter took readily to vegetables, organ meats, mussels, etc. Maybe she wouldn't have been picky no matter what you did. Genetic traits are not always passed down. My DH was very picky and still is more so than me and two of our kids aren't at all.

Do you only have one child? Is her father picky? You'll have to have a few more kids and let us know if they are picky. Then we can better analyze the genetics.
post #139 of 168
Quote:
Originally Posted by lindberg99 View Post
Or maybe not. You said your daughter took readily to vegetables, organ meats, mussels, etc. Maybe she wouldn't have been picky no matter what you did. Genetic traits are not always passed down. My DH was very picky and still is more so than me and two of our kids aren't at all.

Do you only have one child? Is her father picky? You'll have to have a few more kids and let us know if they are picky. Then we can better analyze the genetics.
Well, she's an only so we'll have to leave it at that. . My point was that she took readily to these "odd-for-a-child-to-like" foods when there were no other options. We were abroad when she first tried these foods... there were no alternatives.

I would say that no, dh is not picky, but then again, he is not American. He did not grow up eating the same foods I did and dd is eating now, so there's really no comparison. He immigrated to the US 31 years ago as a college student and to this day, when we go "home", he is in heaven when he gets to eat the local fare. Even if I try to make what his sister makes, the very produce used is different... different soil, etc. That's why I argue that there has to be certain amount of environment that plays a role.
post #140 of 168
Quote:
Originally Posted by FancyD View Post
I noticed that sometimes people take pickiness personally, almost. Even as an adult, I've had friend's/hosts get upset because I didn't want to eat a particular item. So the heck what? My ex-room mate would get seriously butthurt when I turned down the okra she made. And she made me oatmeal for months, and got upset every time I explained that I did, in fact, hate oatmeal.
In the US, at least, food is emotional. How many of us have parents that try to show us love through cooking/baking? Both my mother and my MIL do this. If I'm having a bad day, MIL will bake an apple pie for me. On special occasions my mom always makes a fancy meal and gives me candy as a gift. It's not really healthy (physically or emotionally) to be so focused on food -- in fact I have asked my mother to refrain from giving candy as gifts -- but I've seen this phenomenon many times. And, to show how deeply-rooted food is in our culture, the phrase "The quickest way to a man's heart is through his stomach" says it all.

I would guess that many women, particularly mothers and other caretakers, have "Acts of Service" of one of their love languages. To do something for another person, particularly cook, is their way of demonstrating their love. When the recipient rejects their cooking, it feels like they are rejecting their love. This rejection can sting just as much as your partner walking off silently when you tell them you love them.

I have spent a lot of time getting hurt by my DHs rejection of my food. It doesn't bother me so much any more, but sometimes it still does. I am one that likes to cook for my DH to demonstrate my love. To avoid rejection, I now just bake for him since he likes most sweets. On special occasions we just go to a restaurant even though I'd rather cook him a meal. It's less stressful that way, though, and we both get meals we like.
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