I need some good replies for MIL

[MarcyC]

Good Lord! She's going to be here in 3 hours!!! OMG!

Well, as most of you know, my babe is tongue-tied, lip-tied and has a high bubble palate. So I do latch him on some - actually as much as I can. But his main nutrients come from bottle feeding. I do pump what I can and make up the rest with organic formula.

My big issue is that I do skin-to-skin when feeding him and I don't let others feed him (only me) unless I'm not actually around, then it's DH or my mom. But as long as I am physically present, I feed him.

MIL has a fit over this. I need some good comebacks...

[nevaehsmommy]

God made mommies to feed babies. Tell MIL if she wants to feed a baby to get pregnant. Otherwise it is not up for discussion.

Is she afraid that she wont be able to bond?

[Mama Mko]

I would keep it simple. "Sorry, we've decided that I'm the only person who is going to feed him right now. You can hold him when he's finished." If she objects, I would just repeat it and try to smile. "Sorry, this is what we've decided. You can hold him in a little while."

[mytwogirls]

Maybe she does not fully understand WHY you are doing this. It is very important to keep the skin to skin contact while nursing (by the way good for you for keeping up with the nursing...GOLD STAR for you!) and since you are the one with the milk supply YOU need to feed your little one to keep that special bond going with your LO. Maybe you could hand your babe off to MIL to burp when you are done? Would that satisfy her craving? It worked for me and DH and all my family because I nursed and they were all like "C'mon JUST let me feed her with ONE bottle" GRRRRRR it drove me NUTS and no I did not give in. Good luck mama and keep us updated.

[~girlsmum~]

I got pressured into letting go of my lactation and I failed at relactation so my comeback would be completely without tact. Your baby is YOUR baby and what you choose to do,(which I agree completely on BTW) is of no business to anyone else. Parental bullying is NOT cool!!!

[langyork]

I wouldn't rub it in that you let your mother but not her do feeding. I'm sure that hurts her feelings.

[bellymama]

Originally Posted by langyork

I wouldn't rub it in that you let your mother but not her do feeding. I'm sure that hurts her feelings.

yeah. while she is visiting maybe just have you and dh do it. it's your call for sure on who feeds your baby...but if you can avoid hurting her feelings, then that would be good too.
and just tell her that right now only you and dh are doing the feedings, but that there are lots of other ways she can help you out, and spend time with her grandchild.

[Romana]

Originally Posted by bellymama

yeah. while she is visiting maybe just have you and dh do it. it's your call for sure on who feeds your baby...but if you can avoid hurting her feelings, then that would be good too.
and just tell her that right now only you and dh are doing the feedings, but that there are lots of other ways she can help you out, and spend time with her grandchild.

It sounded like if the OP was there, only OP would feed. If your MIL is going to be there and you are not, then I'm assuming you'd give her the chance to give a bottle, right?

I assume the problem is that she asks. When she asks, I would gently and simply explain why I'm the one to feed the baby, and if she pushed, I would say, "I understand why you'd like to feed him, but when I'm around I am always the one to feed him, and it's important for both him and me that we do that. Thanks for understanding."

If she has any comeback to that, well, that's when I start saying things like, "I'm the mom. You had your chance! "

[MaryJaneLouise]

Say No.


Then say No.


Then say No again.

Say No again.

No.

No.

No.

:

[NewMama2007]

Originally Posted by nevaehsmommy

God made mommies to feed babies. Tell MIL if she wants to feed a baby to get pregnant. Otherwise it is not up for discussion.

Is she afraid that she wont be able to bond?

There you go, that's perfect!

MIL still has bottles and formula she got before dd was born for when mil could "take" her. She still has never "taken" her. And DD is 15 months.

MIL's are their own breed. Just tell her that you are mama, and this is what you are doing. If she wants to spend time with your family, she will have to respect that.

[momo7]

Hurting her feelings will only make her feel bad and alienate her more, which is probably while she's not letting go of the issue.

My MIL gives me crap all the time about my nursing and I've had to go through it with 8 babies. I could seriously get mean, I've wanted too...but I never did. I just explained as gently as I could why I've made my choice....I really DID want her to understand....it is so important that she does.

Tell your MIL it's for the betterment of HER grandson's health, and that what you are doing and the way you are doing is what is best for HIM not for you and not for her.

I really honestly think the MILs think that we do these things to keep them away from thier grandchildren. I try to involve mine every way I can. It doesn't always serve my interest...she's not the deepest mud puddle in the driveway so alot of these things go right over her head and I get extremely frustrated.

I'm extremely militant when it comes to BF but how will I win over someone to my side of the fence if I am always mean and condescending about it?

[Khourtniey]

Let her know that you are trying to increase youe suplly and the skin to skin helps with that.

[Anastasiya]

Originally Posted by MarcyC

Good Lord! She's going to be here in 3 hours!!! OMG!

Well, as most of you know, my babe is tongue-tied, lip-tied and has a high bubble palate. So I do latch him on some - actually as much as I can. But his main nutrients come from bottle feeding. I do pump what I can and make up the rest with organic formula.

My big issue is that I do skin-to-skin when feeding him and I don't let others feed him (only me) unless I'm not actually around, then it's DH or my mom. But as long as I am physically present, I feed him.

MIL has a fit over this. I need some good comebacks...

IF she doesn't have a clue that your mother has ever fed him, then I'd agree with the other posters and just tell her no and why not.

BUT if she DOES know that your mom has fed him, then perhaps a lovely, charitable thing for you to do would be to let her feed him if for any reason you need to be away for a bit. A run to the store maybe? I only say that because I try to put myself in the shoes of others. If I knew that my grandbaby's "other" grandmother could feed him, but I wasn't allowed to even though I saw him very rarely, I would be hurt. Not so much because I'd feel like there was no other way to bond, but because I would feel rejected.

Imagine 20+ years from now, when your DS has his own family, and you go for a visit. Your DIL tells you, "No, you cannot feed the baby. Only myself, my hubby, and my mother are able to."

Again, this is only something I would allow if she already knows your mom feeds him.

[elizaMM]

My MIL suggested I bring a bottle when I flew to visit my mother. "Why?" I asked.

"It's nice to be able to feed the baby."

"She fed four of her own babies."

I was SO proud to have such a sensible response!

So you could point out that she had her chance and now its your turn.

And yes, explain the benefits of skin-to-skin.

[mrsfatty]

"You're more than welcome to burp her, bathe her, change her diaper, hold her, etc.--we're the parents, and WE'VE decided I'm the only one to feed her right now. we love you."

[theboysmama]

If you are not around can you let her feed him?

Maybe suggest her going completely topless while feeding him to give him skin to skin, that would deter my mil

[jentilla]

I don't understand why everyone wants to "feed the baby." Very strange. Just say no.

[1littlebit]

how did it go? i really hope you had no problems.. mils are strange creatures. i had that problem when i was relactating.. inlaws work for the government and are only in the states every once in awhile (thank god for small blessings) and when i was relactating i was the only one to feed ds ever. ever ever ever ever.. literally. my inlaws thought that because they were out of the country and only see him every few months this should not apply to them. they should get to feed him when they are here b/c 'one or two bottles a day for a week or so wont make a difference' and thought i was doing this to punish them. yeah right.. i find that if nothing else just say to anyone who wont give it up.. yup your absolutely right and you know what? i still dont care. my baby my choice so give it up. polite is great for awhile but you cant win with some people.

[didkisa]

Originally Posted by jentilla

I don't understand why everyone wants to "feed the baby." Very strange. Just say no.

Yes! This is my thought exactly! I don't know why everyone always gets so hung up on "getting" to feed the baby. I've never been interested in feeding anyone else's child before and never saw it as a "treat" or benefit to be able to do so. There's so much more you can do with them that (at least I personally think) is more enjoyable.

[1littlebit]

Originally Posted by didkisa

Yes! This is my thought exactly! I don't know why everyone always gets so hung up on "getting" to feed the baby. I've never been interested in feeding anyone else's child before and never saw it as a "treat" or benefit to be able to do so. There's so much more you can do with them that (at least I personally think) is more enjoyable.

since when is feeding a baby the only way to bond with them? i dp never felt particularly compelled to have me pump so he could give ds a bottle when i first started bf or since i relactated. but everyone else i come into contact does. what is with that?