Re-Directing Stimming - Page 2

[Momily]

Originally Posted by Finch

I'm still not feeling you. I don't get it.

Culture of acceptance is great. If you support that, then why are you supporting stim-breaking? Why not accept that the child might be enjoying the new thing in his/her own way instead of trying to make the child "get over it" and enjoy it your way?

Do you see what I'm saying?

I do, sort of, but I think there's a big difference between "breaking" a child of a stim (which I would take to mean using force, and trying to eliminating the stim) and helping a child find a different way of meeting their needs in certain situations.

In the end I'm a teacher. I'm a teacher who supports a huge amount of choice and a culture of acceptance, but I'm also someone who, in the end has specific goals for my kids, and I do want them to engage in a wide variety of activities that support those goals. Sometimes stimming gets in the way of that. At the same time, I see stimming as goal directed behavior in itself, and I want to respect that. So if a child's stimming is getting in the way of a goal I have for that child (e.g. if I want the child to play with playdough because it will develop their fine motor skills, and because I think it might be a great way for them to get sensory needs met, and because I what I know about this child tells me that they're probably going to love playdough, but everytime I bring the playdough out they jump and flap and don't touch the playdough) I'm going to work on being around other kids playing playdough without flapping. I'm not going to force it by say holding them down or ordering them to stop jumping, or threatening to put them in timeout. But I will do gentle things like inviting them to sit on my lap and watch, or waiting to pull out the playdough until they're engaged in something else, or pulling out the playdough when they've just come in from outside and they're a little tired, or putting the playdough table next to the water table because I know they like to splash and watch things simultaneously.

I'm not an unschooler or a Subdury teacher, although I respect those points of view. And I don't believe it's contradictory to love someone fully and accept who they are, and also to want to help them grow. When my DS was 3 he was the most perfect child in the world (to me, which is all that really mattered) and I still nudged him gently towards potty training, I don't see those things as contradictory. I think my 9 year old is absolutely perfect, and I still take him to the library and help him find books to read over the summer and keep his skills up.

I also want to add that for some children, stimming can be a sign that they're uncomfortable. My own son went through a period when he was having chronic pain and his sensory seeking escalated dramatically. Did I want that to end? Of course, because when it did it meant he wasn't hurting. Billy the little boy in my last story would flap and toe walk when he didn't feel completely safe. So when we brought the dog he loved to the gathering, and he plopped down next to her and ran his hands through her hair I saw that as a positive -- it meant that felt better and more relaxed. On the other hand, he had other stims like watching balls roll and sand fall that he did for the sheer joy of them -- and so we handled them differently. We brought new things into the classroom that incorporated the same elements (glitter to sprinkle in the art center, a water wheel that spun in the water table, ramps and little balls in the block center, etc . . . ) in the hopes that it would get him moving around the room, and it did.

[mountainsunshine]

At the risk of having tomatos tossed at me I will say i am in the exact same spot. There are some stims I would like to redirect and would like to know how. I am sure i dont completely undertsand it all yet- the dx is just a few weeks new. I certainly feel that thi spost was usefull to THIS forum though and will continue to lurk with a gentle reminder that we are all her to love and understand our children.
Sarah

[Finch]

Originally Posted by Kristine233

Actually, no one on this forum believes this... not at all. You might want to read this thread to find out what Autism Acceptance really means: http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=926323

Quite right. Specifically, a direct quote from that thread:

Misconception #5: Being pro-acceptance and anti-cure means you don't seek any therapies, treatments or help for your child.

The Truth: Quite the opposite. I don't know any pro-acceptance families who doing nothing for their children. Each family uses whatever resources they deem appropriate for their child and family. It could be therapies, diet or simply helping them to be comfortable with who they are and reach their own goals. The difference is, we don't try to eliminate the Autism. We recognize the Autism as part of our children and accept it as a different way of being.

Example: my son gets ST, OT, Social skills training and other stuff. We monitor his health and take all steps necessary to ensure he is a healthy child and his needs are met. What we don't do is try to change who he is or how he thinks, we only help him get the tools and learn the skills to help him express himself and show the world who he is as well. I do the same for my neurotypical children as well.

I think many people assume that accepting our children means we do nothing. That is a huge misconception. We do whatever it takes to allow our children to be who they are and who they want to be without compromising any of them for the sake of conforming.

My son gets OT for his extreme sensory issues as well. Has for almost 3 years now. His OT isn't about breaking stims, it's about helping him feel comfortable in his own skin and his own world.

Countdown to thread lock in 5.....4........3......2....

[QueenOfTheMeadow]

I'm returning this thread, now please play nice!

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[wendy1221]

My NT 4yo flaps more than any other kid I've ever met. No one has even mentioned it. Not his preschool teachers, not his friends or their parents, none of my friends, no one. WHy does it suddenly become a problem if and when a child is diagnosed as on the spectrum? My oldest IS diagnosed, but he doesn't flap. My youngest isn't diagnosed--yet, and he does, but not as much as my 4yo.

I wouldn't redirect flapping unless it was interfering with his doing soething important. Other stims, like biting or punching himself, like my oldest used to, still does ocassionally, I would redirect every time. Flapping is benign, and most people don't even notice it unless they are familiar w/ it as a symptom of autism or sensory issues.

In fact, I flap and didn't even realize it was weird until I was in college and one of my friends said she thought it was so cute how I looked like a little bird trying to fly away when I got excited. She thought it was cute, not something I really needed to stop doing b/c it was weird or whatever.

[joesmom]

I think I read this thread on the wrong day. I have a dear friend with child with autism & she is currently having a VERY hard time. She is hitting & biting herself, & headbanging on windows, doors & walls until she screams with pain- & then if we let our guard down she does it again...

All I can say is, her mom would be THRILLED if hand flapping were the only stim she had to deal with- & believe me, I don't say this to be disrespectful, chowmein, but maybe so you can get a bit of perspective- if hand flapping helps calm or ground your child, then it might not be a great idea to try to stop it, no matter what the doctor says. Doctors do not know everything, & I would be afraid that if you "cured" your child of the hand flapping, he would go on to find another stim that might be physically harmful.

I hope this is a little bit helpful.

[wendy1221]

Originally Posted by joesmom

All I can say is, her mom would be THRILLED if hand flapping were the only stim she had to deal with- & believe me, I don't say this to be disrespectful, chowmein, but maybe so you can get a bit of perspective- if hand flapping helps calm or ground your child, then it might not be a great idea to try to stop it, no matter what the doctor says. Doctors do not know everything, & I would be afraid that if you "cured" your child of the hand flapping, he would go on to find another stim that might be physically harmful.

I hope this is a little bit helpful.

I think that's the point a lot of us were trying to make. Thank you for making at least my point clearer.