Stressed out and unable to sleep

[faerymom64]

I've been wide awake since 3am and completely unable to escape my swirling mind, so I thought I'd try unloading my stress and anxiety here in here in hopes that I might get some rest.

I'm 40+4 and really feeling panicked about this baby's arrival. My son was born at 38, and I've been having pre-labor contractions for 6 weeks, so I NEVER thought I'd have gone past 40. Now I have two major events bearing down on me, and I am not prepared to deal with everything all at once.

First, and most stressful, my DS's bio 'father' is coming to visit him on 7/23 for 10 days. He lives 3,000 miles from us and only sees DS a few times a year and usually for a few days at a time. I told him well in advance that we were expecting a baby this summer and that July would not be a good time for a visit, but he didn't pay attention (nothing new) and booked his trip without discussing dates with me first. Now, he's going to be arriving with all expectation of spending most (if not all) of those 10 days with DS either immediately after or potentially even before this new baby arrives. DS is only 2.5 and I don't want him to feel that a new baby arrives and he's suddenly sent off to be with someone who is largely a complete stranger. I really wanted him to have time to adjust to life with a new baby before he'd have to go through a visit with his bio.

Then, I've invited my 16 yr. old cousin to spend time with us this summer. She lives away and has had a rough year with her parents - a story I recall all too well from my own adolescence - and I've offered her a safe haven for the summer. I'm also looking forward to having an extra set of hands around to help with DS and new babe. We started talking about this months ago and plans have changed several times since then. I've been emailing for weeks trying to pin down her arrival date and only yesterday learned that she's arriving this Wednesday - with her mom in tow.

The original plan had been for her to fly in and then her mom would drive up at the end of the summer for a visit and to bring her home. Now, plans have reversed. This is stressful because my aunt and I have VERY different life philosophies - and I'm planning a home birth. I do NOT want her around for the birth. Honestly, I'm not even sure how I feel about the 16 yr old being here for the birth. I don't think she'd be disruptive, but I just don't have the energy to give to getting her settled in right now and won't for a little bit after the baby is born.

All long I've wanted to let nature take it's course and not force labor - but right now I am seriously considering natural induction methods with the hopes that I can give birth before they get her Wed night. That'd also allow DS a full week with his baby sister before his bio arrives.

UGGHHH! I so wanted this birth to be beautiful and peaceful and suddenly I'm feeling so much angst and stress. I'm not sure how to deal.

[Spark]

Let me just offer you some hugs & support. Everything does sound very stressful.

is there anything you can change about the upcoming stuff? Anything at all that you can do - even if it's just telling your bio-dad what it is you need from him when he visits. If he ignored your wishes to avoid July. Be nice, just clearly outline what you & your family needs from him since he chose a date so close to a new family member's arrival. Perhaps you can write it out first, so you make sure to word it clearly and nicely and then glance at it as you talk to him. OR call him up & let him know how stressed out you are and concerned you are. Ask him to reschedule for Aug or Sept.

For your cousin, you need to find a place for her to go during the birth. Just get that all squared away RIGHT NOW so you don't have to worry about it when the times comes closer.

Hopefully you'll be having your babe SOON and none of this will be an issue. But, the thing is, if it's keeping you up at night... you KNOW you have to do something. So figure out what's going to be the best of this situation.

now, let's talk about your ctx. It is more common to do prelabor in subsequent pregnancies. That said, are you sure that your baby is in Left Occiput Anterior position? www.spinningbabies.com Are you taking any supplements that you haven't in the past pregnancy? Are you getting enough rest - let alone sleep?

[xixstar]

*hugs momma* I understand the stress of the upcoming visit. Spark has some good suggestions as always, but I'd also suggest considering accepting what can't be changed - mostly in terms of dealing with ds's dad. DS and your family will get through this transition even if it isn't the ideal situation and you wish it could be different. I know you've posted about this situation before in another forum and got some good feedback there too.

For your aunt and cousin, I'd also look into finding them a place they can go during labor if they are visiting whether it's other nearby family or even a friend that would let them come and hang out for a while -- and if nothing else, a motel room or all night diner/cafe or something. You want to have a safe (emotionally) birthing space for labor and if you can make plans now, then that should help relieve some anxiety.

Best wishes on finding solutions and hopefully you can relieve some stress and the baby will come on out before you need to implement any of them!

[faerymom64]

Thanks for the support. I was able to nap today and feel much more human. My mom has agreed to have my aunt stay with her which takes the bulk of that stress off of me. I'm going to play things by ear in terms of my cousin and see if I feel comfortable with her once she gets here. Part of me would love for her to experience natural childbirth and see that it doesn't have to be like what you see on TV.

Unfortunately, DS's bio-dad is not at all understanding, flexible or reasonable, nor does he have any ability to think of anyone other than himself So I do have to accept things as they are when it comes to that visit. I have been upfront with him the entire time that I couldn't promise him unlimited visitation depending on how close the birth is to his visit. I just don't want to impede his time with DS as that will only cause a fight.

I did get great feedback from the blended family forum, but I still really worry about DS feeling replaced. I've also gotten really mixed feedback from other people in my life, like my bf, mom, midwife and therapist who think he may be traumatized by all the chaos at once. The past few days he's been shutting the door in DP's face and telling him to go away when we're snuggling. Lots of "My Mommy" behavior, I think largely because I've been resting so much and less available to him. That makes me worried about how he'll feel with a new baby in the picture. I just don't know how he'll react to a new sibling, or to the visit and having both at the same time gives me so much anxiety.

At the same time, I don't at all want to restrict his time with his bio-dad, since it's so limited to begin with, and I know that it'll be beneficial for me, DP and new baby to get settled and bonded. My goal is to have them spend as much time together as possible, I just want to make sure DS is OK emotionally through it all and I know I can't rely on my ex to have DS's best interests in mind - which means if I limit visitation at all, it'll end up nasty. Sorry if I offend anyone by saying this, but my ex is a stereotypical attorney, and his prime concern is getting what he feels he is 'entitled' to and takes great joy in arguing, regardless of how any of that affects DS in the process. He has never been able to put DS's interests first. His lack of concern for his son is what really makes me insane.

I just need to take things day by day, I think, and see when the babe arrives and how DS reacts. It's just so hard to stay in the moment right now.

I do really appreciate the support and feedback though! Thanks!

[pazerific]

just wanted to offer a big . it sounds like you have a lot on your plate right now! i really don't have anything to add. i hope you're able to find solutions for the things you're able to change, and find balance and acceptance with the factors outside of your control.