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New Neighbor a little too friendly - Page 2

post #21 of 73
Definitely trust your gut. His comments and actions are really off *especially* for a person who has children.

I don't know how comfortable I'd be with allowing my dd over there even when I was there. I just wouldn't want my dd to get too comfortable with this guy - I'd really rather that she see him as a stranger and not someone to be trusted at all. My motto is better safe than sorry.
post #22 of 73
I agree that this guy is icky.

And I think you should let him know you're on to him. A firm stare when he mentions all those beautiful girls on the block again. "You talk about the way those girls look an awful lot. Don't you. I'm not comfortable with that. And I don't think their parents would be, either."

(On the other hand, I've never been in this situation, so maybe that's not the best tack. Is it better to just keep away or to confront?)
post #23 of 73
Quote:
Originally Posted by LynnS6 View Post
Read "Protecting the Gift" - and in the meantime, trust your gut.

Do NOT let your dd play over there unsupervised. Don't let her sit in his lap. Tell the other moms to not let their kids over there unsupervised.

Ask him "why are you so interested in the little girls around here?" If he's harmless, he should get the idea that his comments are a bit off. If he's not, it'll warn him that you're on to him.

I agree. Your job is first to keep your family safe.
Melinda
post #24 of 73
Quote:
Originally Posted by zinemama View Post
(On the other hand, I've never been in this situation, so maybe that's not the best tack. Is it better to just keep away or to confront?)
If I remember what it says in Protecting the Gift, it's better to firmly warn. (I wouldn't say confront, I would just state firmly how he's making you feel.) Predators count on people NOT saying something for fear of looking rude or being called a bitch.

So, I would tell this guy "I don't want my daughter sitting in your lap" and "I don't like how you talk about the girls in the neighborhood" when the need arises. If he tries to discount that, that's a HUGE red flag that something is not good.

Better to be a bitch who is wrong that a nice person who is wrong.
post #25 of 73
Quote:
Originally Posted by LynnS6 View Post
If I remember what it says in Protecting the Gift, it's better to firmly warn. (I wouldn't say confront, I would just state firmly how he's making you feel.) Predators count on people NOT saying something for fear of looking rude or being called a bitch.

So, I would tell this guy "I don't want my daughter sitting in your lap" and "I don't like how you talk about the girls in the neighborhood" when the need arises. If he tries to discount that, that's a HUGE red flag that something is not good.

Better to be a bitch who is wrong that a nice person who is wrong.
: I agree totally with that...it will let the guy know someone is watching him, and hopefully stop him. Even if he isnt what we are all thinking, it is still very very inappropriate what he is saying and doing.
post #26 of 73
Quote:
Originally Posted by LynnS6 View Post

Better to be a bitch who is wrong that a nice person who is wrong.
Anyone who has good intentions wouldn't see this as being a bitch, but just a concerned, protective mother. If the dude gets all defensive........well that's just a different thing, isn't it?
post #27 of 73
Quote:
Originally Posted by mustangtbn View Post
DD isn't "childhood"-aged yet, but I saw this on the front page. I'd say trust your instincts! They're probably telling you something is up with this guy for a reason.
:
post #28 of 73
I agree with the pp who said to "call him out" on it. I also agree with book recommendation "Protecting the Gift." It's true that most predators "test" the parents, if they can, so they will be able to see who is paying attention. Let him know that not only do you see it---that you don't like it one bit. Also, be sure to warn your daughter to look him in the eye and tell him firmly "no--I don't want to sit in your lap." and if he pushes her or touches her, she needs to tell him that she's going to tell her dad on him. The book reveals that most predators will leave such an assertive child alone and prey on a more vulnerable one.
post #29 of 73
Hmm. Maybe it's time to say (in an obvious way) "Dd, no sitting on laps of grown up guys who aren't your daddy!" Sure, the guy might think you're weird, but so what?

Lynn said it better:

Quote:
So, I would tell this guy "I don't want my daughter sitting in your lap" and "I don't like how you talk about the girls in the neighborhood" when the need arises. If he tries to discount that, that's a HUGE red flag that something is not good.
Also, it's been said a bunch in this thread, but defintately get a copy of Protecting the Gift if you haven't already. It's a great book. I've started giving it with my baby shower gifts.
post #30 of 73
Listen to your mommy instincts. If he feels like a creep, keep your kid away from him.

ANYTHING that he does to your dd that makes you uncomfortable (including 'just' holding her or talking to her in a certain way) is inappropriate and should be stopped.
post #31 of 73
In addition to seconding (fifty-fourthing?) the Protecting the Gift recommendation, I wanted to add that just because somebody's not on the sex offender registry doesn't mean he or she is not a sex offender.
post #32 of 73
Just wanted to ditto all the previous posts.
Red flags all the way & please, let your neighbors know your gut feeling about this man. I would hope my neighbors would do the same for my family.
post #33 of 73
Quote:
Originally Posted by leerypolyp View Post
In addition to seconding (fifty-fourthing?) the Protecting the Gift recommendation, I wanted to add that just because somebody's not on the sex offender registry doesn't mean he or she is not a sex offender.

: Exactly......It would be nice to know if there are sex offenders in the area but as far as I am concerned.....there are others police dont even know about yet. That is the scary part. I am Canadian and I am not sure if there is a online registry here or not but it doesnt really matter to me......I am certain there are paroled sex offenders around and sex offenders who have not been arrested or come to the attention of the authorities yet. All this does is make me more careful where my children are concerned. This guy still comes across to me as creepy....my husband would NEVER have said comments such as these aside from comments such as "you are blessed to have a wonderful child" and would never ever in a lifetime put someone elses child on his lap.
post #34 of 73
Quote:
Originally Posted by phathui5 View Post
Hmm. Maybe it's time to say (in an obvious way) "Dd, no sitting on laps of grown up guys who aren't your daddy!" Sure, the guy might think you're weird, but so what?
.
I like this-- and I agree with all the previous posters. This would not be okay with me, and I wouldn't let my daughter go to their house.
post #35 of 73
Sounds pretty creepy to me.
post #36 of 73
Most offenders are never reported let alone caught and convicted. So if he's on the registry, obviously that's a huge deal, but if he's not, I wouldn't take it as meaning anything at all. This guy sounds all kinds of weird to me.
post #37 of 73
I agree with telling him that his behavior and comments are inappropriate- keep it short, sweet, and to the point, with no room for him to argue. Bottom line is to trust your instincts. If he feels icky, then stay away from him.
post #38 of 73
Quote:
Originally Posted by phathui5 View Post
Hmm. Maybe it's time to say (in an obvious way) "Dd, no sitting on laps of grown up guys who aren't your daddy!" Sure, the guy might think you're weird, but so what?
My concern about this is that it might make the kid feel like she had done something wrong. I think it's better to address the adult directly.

But it's all definitely creepy.

ZM
post #39 of 73
Quote:
Originally Posted by zeldamomma View Post
My concern about this is that it might make the kid feel like she had done something wrong. I think it's better to address the adult directly.

But it's all definitely creepy.

ZM
That is true....I would speak to him directly, but maybe I would also have a talk with my dd to the effect that she doesnt have to do anything anyone asks her to do that makes her uncomfortable.....just to remind her about requests from "dont knows". I agree it is very creepy. My husband likes children (most normal fathers do) but he also feels there is something not right with this guy with regards to his comments/behavior.
post #40 of 73
Quote:
Originally Posted by sungod View Post
I'm trying to be objective here and not freak out so I wanted some opinions first. There's a new family in the neighborhood and I'm not exactly comfortable with some of his comments and actions.

He's lived here for 2 weeks and he's already had my daughter who is 4 sit in his lap 3 times. Not one other man I know(my good friends or fathers of her friends) has ever had her in their lap. In addition, he's constantly making remarks about how beautiful all the girls in the neighborhood are. It wasn't just in passing. He frequently comments on how he can't believe how many beautiful girls all live on our block. Now, it is true and I could totally see moms talking about it, but I've never heard a dad mention it once never mind a handful of times. They're older parents(she is mid 40's, he may be close to 50)with a 4 year old so I'm trying to pass this off as just friendly old guy but it just feels weird. He's also been asking a lot of the 8-9 year old girls to play with his daughter. I overheard him tell some girls that "my daughter really enjoys playing with older girls so maybe you could come over and be her friend". Keep in mind, these girls are 5 years older and there's really no shortage of 4-5 year olds for the daughter to play with.

So, do I have any right to have my guard up or am I just being paranoid?
run, run, run!!!

:Puke

you're post screams huge red flags to me.. keep your daughter away and trust your instinct. My kids (three girls) have never been invited to sit on a man's lap (other than occasional pics with Grandpa) and I would flip shit if I heard someone asking them too. Really though, this guy sounds like a nut. I'd probably talk to other mom's too (to share opinions and watch out for each other's children).

(oh, and I wouldn't make it my daughter's issue either. I'd talk to the dad..)
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