Originally Posted by ktmama
This stood out to me...
She'll do it when DH or I put her in her carseat, put her clothes on, brush her hair, etc.
At 3.5 it seems she could be/wants to do these things herself. Maybe giving her more power/control will decrease the spitting.
BTW, Hugs, mama. I don't think I'd like being spit on one bit. Not one bit.
True that... dd dooes not like being fussed over... she "owns her own space and body" and doesn't like things being done for her or to her that she doesn't agree with. What if you were to take a new route for those things? Like, when it's time to get in the car seat, help her get as much of the strapping in done that she can
do as possible. Then say something like, "Wow, you're rally getting the knack for this, and won't need help much longer!" Or "How would you like your hair done today? One pony-tail, two, or just clips to keep it out of your face?" Has she started dressing herself yet? How often can you let her pick and don whatever is to her liking on her own? Sometimes just giving new "power" to a 3 yo will alleviate conflict in other areas.
Dd did this for a time, very recently. She would raspberry-spit, and actually "pit-tewey" spit on us... it was rattling. One of the things that di NOT work was raspberry-spitting back... tho it totally grossed her out and gave her a second of "Oh, I see why that's yucky..."
What DID work was refusing to engage her when she spit. I would say... "You know
Mama does NOT like that... I have a problem with that. I rspect you and treat you kindly, even when I'm frustrated... I expect you to treat me knidly too... and that is not kind." Then I disengage. Dd asked me once why I wasn't talking to her a few minutes later and I replied, "I'm still frustrated that you spit on me and I'm not ready to talk to you." She said..."I won't spit anymore Mama, will you talk to me now?" And she hasn't since then...
... Now she sticks her tongueout in frustration sometimes. I just tell her "I see you are frustrated, and I understand."