I know I should post this on Single parenting, but I feel it is more about personal growth, because I hope somehow to get to a place where I learn from these feelings and grow as a person. I ended my marriage after 11 years of abuse. I have no regrets and know that it was the right choice for our family. My ex has a new girlfriend, and she is spending every weekend with my kids. At first seeing her with my children ripped my heart out..but then she and I talked, and I said to her, all I ask is that you are kind to them. Treat them lovingly and carefully, they have been through alot. She told me she would treat them as her own. SIGH.. it made me feel peace knowing she was willing to do this..and tonight at my son's football game, youngest ds was having a demon attack ..lol.. and she came up to me and asked me.. how do you handle him when he is like that? She said please teach me. It made me respect her for asking me , and made me feel honored. I worry that she will be subjected to the abuse I was..being a kind person, but that's a whole nother issue..lol..I watched her then for the remainder of the night, interacting with my children , and was relieved to see that when they are away from me, I need not worry that they will be pushed aside or neglected as was my fear. And the thing that touched my heart is this woman cannot have children of her own. My kids may be the closest she ever gets to being a mother. I am crying as I write this because though I do not wish for her to go through the difficulty I went through.. I truly hope my ex grows into a better person.... everyone should have a chance to feel what it is like to be a momma.. even if only on the weekends to someone else's children. I hope she finds all the joy that I do in them. And realizing these feelings has made me feel I learned a very big lesson in how to be a grown up tonight. Just needed to share that.
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10/19/03 at 1:44am