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Virtues Parenting - Page 2

post #21 of 186
But wouldn't even 5 be worth trying? I found that a lot of them encompass each other. We started with respect, and I found courtesy creep in really quickly. Babysteps here!
post #22 of 186
yeah I meant love and logic no idea why I wrote light.
I can't seem to find anything about it though. any links to authors website?

tia:
post #23 of 186
I did the first training at a local private school that used the Virtues project extensively in their curriculum. The school just closed, so I am going to have to find another avenue to continue it - I would love to be able to lead the workshops and training for others.

It is such an amazing tool for our family - and I see it used well at the school my children attend and it is good for children and teachers alike.
post #24 of 186
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Papooses View Post
52 seems like an awful big task -- like I'd be setting myself up for disappointment....
I think ultimately there are even more than 52... the idea isn't to attempt memorization and mastery of all of them. Start with the idea that whether youare aware of them or actively using them... all the Virtues of Humanity are hidden gems within you and your children. Then begin just speaking about some of the Virtues that 'call' to you. Like for our family Gentleness, Calm, Kindness, Helpfulness, and Respect were imperative... Respect is a big concept, but as pp alluded to, it encompasses a lot of behaviors and Virtues... like the others I just mentioned.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mum21andtwins View Post
yeah I meant love and logic no idea why I wrote light.
I can't seem to find anything about it though. any links to authors website?

tia:
Here is a link to their website... LoveAndLogic.com

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shantimama View Post
I did the first training at a local private school that used the Virtues project extensively in their curriculum. The school just closed, so I am going to have to find another avenue to continue it - I would love to be able to lead the workshops and training for others.

It is such an amazing tool for our family - and I see it used well at the school my children attend and it is good for children and teachers alike.
Have you been to the website yet? There is info there on facillitator training, etc...
post #25 of 186
Thanks
I have the family virtues book on order it should be here tomorrow. Thanks for posting this :
post #26 of 186
This is all really interesting. I'm subbing so I can learn more!
post #27 of 186
I've been doing this without even realizing it was an official method. Ds is pretty interested in big vocabulary words, so I started saying things like "Thank you for putting your shoes in the shoe rack. That was very responsible!" It has worked really well with him and he is very proud when I say things like that.

I hadn't thought to do it for all kinds of virtues. I'm going to add "flexibility" to my repertoire because we need a lot of practice with that one!
post #28 of 186
Thread Starter 
I just wanted to take a moment to share this with you: Acceptance and Tolerance... 2 big Virtues we as Humans, striving toward the ideal of living in a tolerant society, and making peace with ourselves as parents, migth meditate on:

Quote:
:: Acceptance vs. Tolerance ::

Acceptance is one of your greatest sources of Power.
Without it, you couldn't receive or own anything,
handle unexpected change, or listen effectively.

In general, acceptance means being at peace with
What Is. When you refuse to accept something, you
sacrifice your peace.

Non-acceptance creates resistance and shifts your focus
away from what you want, towards what you *don't*
want.

Can you see, then, how you disempower and undermine
*yourself* when you deem your child's behavior
"unacceptable"?

But acceptance is not the same as tolerance. It's
entirely possible to accept something while choosing
not to tolerate it. For example, if your child were
trying to hit you, you could accept (make peace with)
that -- even while using protective force to prevent
the hitting.

The difference is how you *feel* in the process:

- Tolerance *without* acceptance leads to resentment.
- Tolerance *with* acceptance leads to appreciation.
- INtolerance *without* acceptance leads to conflict.
- INtolerance *with* acceptance leads to creativity.

In other words, when you accept What Is -- AND you're
clear that you want a change -- it's easy to solve
problems creatively.

http://dailygroove.net/acceptance-vs-tolerance

Feel free to forward this message to your friends!
(Please include this paragraph and everything above.)
Copyright (c) 2008 by Scott Noelle


"Inspiration & Coaching for Progressive Parents"
http://www.ScottNoelle.com
http://www.EnjoyParenting.com

1044 Water Street, Suite 342
Port Townsend, WA 98368
USA
post #29 of 186
Quote:
I recently began teaching in a pre-k through middle-school-age Virtues-Project Summer Day Camp
I love this thread. It sounds very interesting and I would like to join. How do I start? I need guidance.
Also - are there Camps like that in New York? What is the youngest age?
post #30 of 186
This sounds really cool. I've always felt that there were universal human values/virtues independent of religion and never understood why schools didn't make more of an attempt to teach/acknowledge them. With all of the heightened awareness in the past decades of not wanting to offend anyone who might believe a different religion than you, I think basic human virtues have been taboo as well since so often they go hand in hand with religion.

This movement seems great because it seems like it can focus on bringing out the best in humanity without overstepping someone's religious beliefs: who could be offended by valuing things like courage, responsibility and compassion?!
post #31 of 186
the book arrived over a week late. I've just started and will be back to let you know what I think

:
post #32 of 186
wow!! This sounds like it is right up my alley! My dd is only 11months and I'm already struggeling with remaining calm and patient. I suppose now is the time to start working on MY virtues before its time to work with her on hers. Where would I start? Do you have a recommended reading list? Could you give more examples like you did with your purse? I realize that at 11m there is nothing more I can do but redirect but when does virtuous parenting come in to the picture full time? Or is it now?

Perhaps I should start with my marriage? Do you also practice this in other relationships (if your not married) or in your marriage? How does that work?

Thank you for posting this!!

Danielle
post #33 of 186
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by bstandlee View Post
This sounds really cool. I've always felt that there were universal human values/virtues independent of religion and never understood why schools didn't make more of an attempt to teach/acknowledge them. With all of the heightened awareness in the past decades of not wanting to offend anyone who might believe a different religion than you, I think basic human virtues have been taboo as well since so often they go hand in hand with religion.

This movement seems great because it seems like it can focus on bringing out the best in humanity without overstepping someone's religious beliefs: who could be offended by valuing things like courage, responsibility and compassion?!
While the VP was developed by the Baha'i community, it isn't linked to 'religion' per se, but rather to the cultivation of the best in us, as a way to 'be' in this world, to navigate the world, and co-exist. Those themes are usually associated with dogma and religious rhetoric, so the message often gets lost.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Danielle13 View Post
wow!! This sounds like it is right up my alley! My dd is only 11months and I'm already struggeling with remaining calm and patient. I suppose now is the time to start working on MY virtues before its time to work with her on hers. Where would I start? Do you have a recommended reading list? Could you give more examples like you did with your purse? I realize that at 11m there is nothing more I can do but redirect but when does virtuous parenting come in to the picture full time? Or is it now?
I highly recommend starting with a list of virtues you would like to begin working on. The list "What are the Virtues" is a good place to begin.

Here is a link to "Virtues Store" where there are books, flash-cards, etc. I have a few cd's and a couple of books. The Family Virtues Guide is wonderful.

Quote:
Perhaps I should start with my marriage? Do you also practice this in other relationships (if your not married) or in your marriage? How does that work?

Thank you for posting this!!

Danielle
Ummm... I try to use the Virtues in all aspects of life. With my dh it can be challenging, because he isn't as aware of what he does and says and how it affects dd and me. He is learning tho, as are we all. I try to acknowledge him, just as I do dd, with respect, without being condescending, for the things I see... like "I saw that you vac'd the living room. It looks great! That's really helpful." Or "You have been working really hard, and I am so grateful to you for all that you do. Your strength is inspirational honey!" He laughs at me sometimes cuz he thinks I'm a cheeseball, but he likes it.
post #34 of 186
Thread Starter 
Here's a great story from the other day you all might like:

So, I have been going to physical therapy (for an injury suffered ironically on the way home from Virtues Camp) for a couple of weeks. One of the therapists is in her mid-50's I think and has never had children. She loves children, it just wasn't in the stars for her and her dh. She's wonderfully gifted and warm and loving.

Anyway, I use the virtues dialogue all over the place, all day, and as I've said, I get some funny reactions.

When we first started going, dd would kind of run around and check stuff out, she's very active and inquistitive and used to having the run of places. I figure as long as she's respectful and not harming anyone or thing, she's alright, and these moments are teachable ones, right?

So, sometimes I would be in a postion of having to admonish her, set boundaries, so to speak. SO I would start with explaining where we are, then suggesting what's a course of behavior that's advisable, and asking her to use her helpfulness, her cooperation, her peacefulness, etc:
Quote:
Dd, this is a place of calm and healing where people come to get their hurt-bodies fixed. When you stomp your feet and run around, it's loud and that bothers some folks. Will you please use your calm and peacefulness here? That way others can relax.
She was cool for a bit, but of course, an hour into this, she's getting restless. The therapist and the staff are good about facilitating play, or coloring, or what have you, but it's ultimately my job to set boundaries, etc. So I remind her gently:
Quote:
Remember we talked about using calm and peacefulness? I know you've been here awhile and it's getting hard, but keep using your patience, please... thank you honey!
So the afternoon was getting long, and I realized dd has really been trying to use patience and cooperation, even helping the therapist get pillows, water, etc. So I stop her as she's about to head out again to get another cup of water for me or the therapist, and say:
Quote:
Dd, I've been paying attention, and I just wanted to thank you for using your patience and cooperation. You're being so helpful. Thank you so much.
She smiled and said "Ok Mama!"

The therapist was so stunned by the exchange that she stoppped working and just kind of froze for a moment.

Then she said:
Quote:
In 20 years of therapy, I have never heard a parent thank their child for using her patience and cooperation... how amazing. The rapport you have with her is incredible... you show her so much repsect! And she really gets it... and she's so little! What wonderful parenting!
I was so proud! Of both of us!!
post #35 of 186
Prennamama -- good to "see" your post. And so funny about the timing because I was in the shower today remembering how years and years ago I was captivated by a program on tv about virtues/values parenting. I recalled a parent walking a child through what virtue he needed to face a difficult situation --courage. With DS starting school today, I am reflecting on this approach and thinking about what it can offer.

:
post #36 of 186
Thread Starter 
I found a book at a rummage sale our little school did as a fund-raiser called Hang On, Hester! A Story of Courage and the Power of Example. It is dd's new fave book, every night. It's on sale for .75 here.
Here is what I found out when I searched it...

Quote:
[Hang on Hester is] a children's book by Wende and Harry Devlin, designed to spotlight the value and necessity of perseverance in the face of adversity. The book was selected by the Meland Foundation, a New Jersey-based not-for profit organization that donates this book to ill children in hospitals across the country as a means of providing inspiration and encouragement to the children and their families.
Inside our rummage sale edition was an inscription and explanation of the Meland Foundation... We're thinking it was donated to a child and then later donated to the the sale.
post #37 of 186
Thread Starter 
Hi again from Virtues land! We're pluggin away, and many of my friends have adopted the VP approach with great success. Even dh is on-board now and has noticed the changes in dd's behavior.

I had an audition the other night (fingers crossed) and arranged for dd to hang with Auntie, Uncle, and her cousin/best friend who is 4 months her jr. On the way there, I asked what virtues she thought she might need while at the Farmer's Market with Auntie, Uncle and Cousin? She replied, "Ummm... maybe listening. Is listening a virtue mom?"

I said, "Well, there are virtues IN listening. Like respect and couresy. You use those ones all the time..."

"Oh yeah!"

So today I asked sil how it had gone as my bro had seemed tired and cranky when I met them and took dd.

She told me that he was just tired... but then she went on to tell me how remarkably well-behaved, polite, and awesome dd was! Dd and dn often battle for position, and dd has been learning about gentleness and peacefulness, remember? So sil said that she really noticed the change in dd's demeanor. They were on a walk looking for dogs to pat, and each had been given instructions to hold sil's hands and wait til they were given the go-ahead from the dog-owner AND from sil before patting any dog. She said not only did dd wait patiently even when dn broke off and ran up to dogs without waiting (panicking sil and making things hard) but sil was able to say to dn "See how she's using patience? Will you please use your patience too?" And it worked out!

THEN tonight, after I served a yummy new interpretation on gyros (an experiment that went over quite well, actually) dd actually came up and acknowledged ME, saying, "Thank you for the healthy dinner Mama." ANd she gave me a big hug.

I was blown away and so proud and happy!
post #38 of 186
[QUOTE=PrennaMama;12020809]While the VP was developed by the Baha'i community, it isn't linked to 'religion' per se, but rather to the cultivation of the best in us, as a way to 'be' in this world, to navigate the world, and co-exist. Those themes are usually associated with dogma and religious rhetoric, so the message often gets lost.


Thank you for the Virtue thread PrennaMama. I am very interested in this topic as well. Just became a member on this forum, and I am enjoying reading your post; love the examples you give

Not sure if anyone if familiar with this book: http://www.amazon.com/Family-Virtues...0321523&sr=8-8

It is a wonderful book for parents and teachers to teach Virtues to children. Also, the website called "Virtueoftheweek.org" was developed by the Baha'i community, is a great resource.

Keep up the good work my friend
post #39 of 186
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Janelovesmax View Post
I love this thread. It sounds very interesting and I would like to join. How do I start? I need guidance.
Also - are there Camps like that in New York? What is the youngest age?
New York's Baha'i communities are active and large. Generally a camp like the one I worked at is hosted by Baha'is but can be also be hosted by other groups as well! You could start by looking into where your local Baha'i community holds assembly... call 1-800-22-UNITE or check this link for contact info ContactBaha'i. That will help you find Baha'is locally, and they can help you get started at finding out more about Virtues Education programs like the camp I worked in. There's no preassure or obligation, they will be glad to help you, and remember that the Virtues Project can be applied non-denominationally...

Quote:
Originally Posted by bstandlee View Post
This movement seems great because it seems like it can focus on bringing out the best in humanity without overstepping someone's religious beliefs: who could be offended by valuing things like courage, responsibility and compassion?!
Right??
Quote:
Originally Posted by mum21andtwins View Post
the book arrived over a week late. I've just started and will be back to let you know what I think

:
How's the book?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Unity9 View Post
Thank you for the Virtue thread PrennaMama. I am very interested in this topic as well. Just became a member on this forum, and I am enjoying reading your post; love the examples you give

Not sure if anyone if familiar with this book: http://www.amazon.com/Family-Virtues...0321523&sr=8-8

It is a wonderful book for parents and teachers to teach Virtues to children. Also, the website called "Virtueoftheweek.org" was developed by the Baha'i community, is a great resource.

Keep up the good work my friend
Thanks Unity9! Welcome to MDC!

For those of you interested, here is a link to the website Unity9 suggested: Virtue of the Week.

This website is a GREAT place to start, especially if you're wanting inspiration or suggestions. Also, for some of us, working on 52 or more virtues is daunting, but having a focus is helpful, and this website may give you that.

Would anyone be interested in doing an intensive with me over the next two weeks?

It would involve a group (here on thread?) picking a couple of virtues to deepen on, and posting here regularly about how it's going... while we read up on, discuss, craft/paint/write about, and otherwise explore the chosen virtue(s) with our children. We could really help each other to think outside the box and try some new approaches...

Anyone?
post #40 of 186
Quote:
Originally Posted by PrennaMama View Post
Would anyone be interested in doing an intensive with me over the next two weeks?

It would involve a group (here on thread?) picking a couple of virtues to deepen on, and posting here regularly about how it's going... while we read up on, discuss, craft/paint/write about, and otherwise explore the chosen virtue(s) with our children. We could really help each other to think outside the box and try some new approaches...

Anyone?
I would love to! Please post here when your start the new thread, so I can sub to it!
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