Virtues Parenting - Page 3

[pumpkinseed]

Originally Posted by PrennaMama

Would anyone be interested in doing an intensive with me over the next two weeks?



Anyone?

Me-I am in.

[Unity9]

Originally Posted by PrennaMama

New York's Baha'i communities are active and large. Generally a camp like the one I worked at is hosted by Baha'is but can be also be hosted by other groups as well! You could start by looking into where your local Baha'i community holds assembly... call 1-800-22-UNITE or check this link for contact info ContactBaha'i. That will help you find Baha'is locally, and they can help you get started at finding out more about Virtues Education programs like the camp I worked in. There's no preassure or obligation, they will be glad to help you, and remember that the Virtues Project can be applied non-denominationally...


Right??


How's the book?



Thanks Unity9! Welcome to MDC!

For those of you interested, here is a link to the website Unity9 suggested: Virtue of the Week.

This website is a GREAT place to start, especially if you're wanting inspiration or suggestions. Also, for some of us, working on 52 or more virtues is daunting, but having a focus is helpful, and this website may give you that.

Would anyone be interested in doing an intensive with me over the next two weeks?

It would involve a group (here on thread?) picking a couple of virtues to deepen on, and posting here regularly about how it's going... while we read up on, discuss, craft/paint/write about, and otherwise explore the chosen virtue(s) with our children. We could really help each other to think outside the box and try some new approaches...

Anyone?

Thanks for welcomeing me on this forum. That is a fantastic idea, PrennaMama : I am in! I have been trying to practice the virtues with my son (age 4 1/2). we pick one virtue every week and try to work on it but the it hasn't been consistent.

As I mentioned in my last post, The Family virtue book is wonderful. It tells you step by step how to practice the virtues with kids. Highly recommending it!

I would love to take one of those virtue training courses that the Baha'i community offers; but it hasn't been one in my area yet. My sister-in-law has gone through the training and she absolutely loved it.

[allgirls]

me me me..I've been watching and reading!

I'm in:

[PrennaMama]

Alright, friends! So, I just went to our Baha'i School yesterday, and touched base with some ladies on the subject of Virtues Certification and training, as well as using the VP in parenting. I told them I had started this topic and am hoping they will visit us, too.

As for our intensive... let's begin by deciding what Virtue(s) we would like to focus our energy on in our homes.

In my home, an on-going theme is Respect, but with my almost 4 yo, I try to 'populate' the concept of Respect (which is a huge concept) with the underlying Virtues like Gentleness, Cooperative-ness, Understanding, Patience, Courtesy, and Obedience, most of which are easier for dd to get her head around than the big intangible concept of Respect.

I (and others) shy away from the word Obedience sometimes, because it doesn't feel like it's on the GD/UP/CL spectrum, kwim? BUT, within the VP, I feel it has a less forboding tenor. Obedience, at least in our home, is defined as paying attention to parents, grands, teachers, etc, and doing as one is told in regards to the rules in other people's homes, school, and our own home. If it is a rule that folks may not run on the pavement, then Obedience is honoring that rule with the understanding that it is to keep us safe.

What are your feelings and thoughts on the interpretation of "Obedience" and how can it be applied while still honoring a child's voice and preferences?

What other Virtues would you lke to explore together?

[PrennaMama]

And, would those of you interested in the intensive mind if we keep it here on this thread? That way folks that are subbing but maybe not participating may still follow along and benefit from the exploration.

[allgirls]

I am interested in starting with respect, gentleness, cooperative-ness, understanding, patience, courtesy.

I understand the concept of obedience as you describe it. It's not my usual definition of it so I'm not sure if I will ever use the "word" but the concept is fine.

I look forward to this.

Thanks

[pumpkinseed]

I agree with those as starting virtues. It is the same in our house-we really value respect and therefore the others come along naturally. I never really thought of the concept of "respect" being too big-but it makes sense when you are talking about breaking it down into the other virtues as well-courtesy, gentleness, etc...

I like your explanation of obedience. It doesn't have to be a "harsh" word when described as you have-that is about following rules in others houses, etc...

I am looking forward to this. K is really having some difficult days. Yesterday was horrible - today is going really well Its so much ups and downs though that it is exhausting!

[BonMaman]

Subbing... We are really seeking to cultivate virtue in our children. for the links and the discussion.

[Unity9]

It would be wonderful if we could start with respect, gentleness, cooperative-ness, understanding, patience, courtesy.

I think we all need those most with our children. Recently, I've been having some issues with cooperativeness!!

Hope we can practice these virtues soon with real life examples

[PrennaMama]

Originally Posted by Unity9

It would be wonderful if we could start with respect, gentleness, cooperative-ness, understanding, patience, courtesy.

I think we all need those most with our children. Recently, I've been having some issues with cooperativeness!!

Hope we can practice these virtues soon with real life examples

One thing I do, that works well with dd, is to clarify constantly. I don't introduce, discuss, or acknowledge a virtue without defining it a few times . Like with Cooperation, I asked dd outright if she knew what the "virtue, Cooperation" was, and when she said no, I asked if she would like to know, then defined it as "Working together to make things happen more easily, or more quickly... like working as a team." Short quips, and reminder questions come in forms like: (on our way into first day of ballet class)

Me: "So what Virtues do you think you'll use in there?"
Dd: "umm... respect?"
Me: "sure... and what does respect look like?" I ask very earnestly.
Dd: "Listening ears, and cooperation."
Me: "Cooperation is..."
Dd: "... working together to make things happen more easily." She says it confidantly, and with a smile.
Me: "OH!" I say as tho I have had some clarification. "Ok, then.. I'll be watching for those..."
Dd: "K Mama... I'kk be watching you too!"

We both laughed.

And I do watch for ANY of the behaviors we want to see more of, then acknowledge them (not praise), as a way to positively manifest and refinforce them. I think that piece is really important.

There are some games I'm wanting to try with dd that might be useful in teaching the concepts of cooperation, gentleness, and courtesy. Maybe we can brainstorm ways to adapt them to Virtues Teaching/Parenting.

Also, I just saw an ad for Noodleboro Games by Hasbro... they highlight and encourage the practice of certain "personality characteristics" like sharing, manners, etc... Here's a link to their site: Noodleboro Games and a quote from the site re; a game centered on Listening (part of courtesy, enables obedience and I cringe when I say it... ):

NOODLEBORO games let you nurture kids’ social skills naturally through multi-sensory play that leaves everyone laughing! Each NOODLEBORO game comes with a storybook and an audio CD so kids can see, hear, play and then live each NOODLEBORO life lesson. Meet the NOODLEBORO kids and reinforce listening with songs, stories and tips found in the companion book and CD.

[allgirls]

So we started. This morning I said to my almost 3 and 5 year old as we were getting ready to go out to school.

conversation went like this

Me "So I am going to start teaching you the virtues"

5yr old "What does that mean?"

Me "The virtues are a lot of different things we can learn to help make our family and our life really peaceful and happy. You already know some like patience, respect"

"Oh, ok".

Me "Yeah there are a lot like cooperation, respect, courtesy, things like that. Do you know what any of those words mean."

5yr old "I don't know courtesy"

So I go on to explain what they mean. She's thrilled. She loves new words. Little one, who will be three in October is listening carefully as well.

Then when we get back from taking her to school little one doesn't want to get out of the car because she wants to go to mother goose. I said remember how we talked about cooperation and how if we work together we can get things done better and easier and faster?

She goes "yeah" and then I say"well if we practice cooperation now we can get ready to go to mother goose, you come inside and wait while mommy gets ready and then we can go" and she puts up her arms and comes out of the carseat

I think they are both ready to learn. I'm very excited to begin practicing this.

[mammal_mama]

Originally Posted by PrennaMama

I (and others) shy away from the word Obedience sometimes, because it doesn't feel like it's on the GD/UP/CL spectrum, kwim? BUT, within the VP, I feel it has a less forboding tenor. Obedience, at least in our home, is defined as paying attention to parents, grands, teachers, etc, and doing as one is told in regards to the rules in other people's homes, school, and our own home. If it is a rule that folks may not run on the pavement, then Obedience is honoring that rule with the understanding that it is to keep us safe.

What are your feelings and thoughts on the interpretation of "Obedience" and how can it be applied while still honoring a child's voice and preferences?

Bolding mine. This is an interesting issue for me as a Christian! We recently got a New Testament called The Source: Old manuscripts have been discovered that shed new light on the meanings of many words that were previously unclear to translators, which had caused many to add their own cultural and religious biases to their tranlstions.

So, a Greek scholar did The Source translation -- it's a literal word-for-word translation of the Greek, using the newly-available information about word-meanings. Anyhow, in Ephesians where it tells children to obey their parents -- in The Source it tells children to pay attention to their parents, like what you said!

[Unity9]

I found some beautiful Baha'i writings about importance of teaching virtues to children. I thought I would share it with you all:


"As to thy question concerning training children: It is incumbent upon thee to nurture them from the breast of the love of God, to urge them towards spiritual matters, to turn unto God and to acquire good manners, best characteristics and praiseworthy virtues and qualities in the world of humanity, and to study sciences with the utmost diligence; so that they may become spiritual, heavenly and attracted to the fragrances of sanctity from their childhood and be reared in a religious, spiritual and heavenly training. Verily, I beg of God to confirm them therein.

(Abdu'l-Baha, Tablets of Abdu'l-Baha v1, p. 86)


Therefore, the beloved of God and the maid-servants of the Merciful must train their children with life and heart and teach them in the school of virtue and perfection. They must not be lax in this matter; they must not be inefficient.

(Abdu'l-Baha, Baha'i World Faith - Abdu'l-Baha Section, p. 398)

I ask God to help thy children to gain knowledge, to attain virtues and morals which are the refinements of the reality of man, and to strengthen thee to remain firm.

(Abdu'l-Baha, Tablets of Abdu'l-Baha v1, p. 67)

[allgirls]

I am having a fantastic day with my littlest one. We have been practicing all day. She's listening. I don't know how much she understands but she seems fascinated by it.

We have done a lot of cooperation today. We had to go to a program this morning and she was very helpful at the store after and got in her carseat every time.

I also like how it gets me engaged more. It's good for it to be at the top of my consciousness as well.

[I-AM-Mother]

Originally Posted by allgirls

I also like how it gets me engaged more. It's good for it to be at the top of my consciousness as well.

okay, anything that gets these results with my family especially my children peaks my interest.

[Unity9]

Originally Posted by PrennaMama

One thing I do, that works well with dd, is to clarify constantly. I don't introduce, discuss, or acknowledge a virtue without defining it a few times . Like with Cooperation, I asked dd outright if she knew what the "virtue, Cooperation" was, and when she said no, I asked if she would like to know, then defined it as "Working together to make things happen more easily, or more quickly... like working as a team." Short quips, and reminder questions come in forms like: (on our way into first day of ballet class)

Me: "So what Virtues do you think you'll use in there?"
Dd: "umm... respect?"
Me: "sure... and what does respect look like?" I ask very earnestly.
Dd: "Listening ears, and cooperation."
Me: "Cooperation is..."
Dd: "... working together to make things happen more easily." She says it confidantly, and with a smile.
Me: "OH!" I say as tho I have had some clarification. "Ok, then.. I'll be watching for those..."
Dd: "K Mama... I'kk be watching you too!"

We both laughed.

And I do watch for ANY of the behaviors we want to see more of, then acknowledge them (not praise), as a way to positively manifest and refinforce them. I think that piece is really important.

There are some games I'm wanting to try with dd that might be useful in teaching the concepts of cooperation, gentleness, and courtesy. Maybe we can brainstorm ways to adapt them to Virtues Teaching/Parenting.

Also, I just saw an ad for Noodleboro Games by Hasbro... they highlight and encourage the practice of certain "personality characteristics" like sharing, manners, etc... Here's a link to their site: Noodleboro Games and a quote from the site re; a game centered on Listening (part of courtesy, enables obedience and I cringe when I say it... ):

Just checked them out on amazon.com website with almost half of the price pluse free shipping!! Thanks for sharing! I guess we should give them a try

[PrennaMama]

Tonight at a council meeting for our school I did childcare for some of the parents. I overheard dd telling a story to the other kids, regarding a running-around careless fella she had witnessed at a play-place earlier today, who kept trampling the toddlers/wobblers in the matted baby-area, leaping over the mats, until eventually I intervened as his mother didn't seem to be present:

Dd: ".. he was running around and yelling and pushed over little babies! His Mama didn't talk to him about being gentle or anything... But I think he should learn virtues to use, then he woulda played nicer, maybe."
Kid 1: "What? What can he learn?"
Dd: "Virtues... like 'copperation' and 'respeck-t' and maybe his Mama could help him."
Kid 2: "His Mama didn't help him with the babies. Maybe she doesn't know virtues."
Kid 1: "What are virtues again?"
Dd: "Helping things for being nice and loving, and making friends."
Kid 2: "His Mama should show him one for being nice to babies."
Dd: "My mama did. She asked him for copperation to pick up mats and make it safer so he could run and not bump the babies."
Kid 1: "Well, my mom could help too, she always tells me to have respeck."

I noticed the little guy seemed to be flying solo, and asked a couple of ladies if they knew who his mom was; one said she thought she saw her go into the restroom... So, I leaned into the garden and picked up a mat, and kinda put my rather round body in his path so that the next time he came around, I was in his way and he had to stop. I acted like I was falling over and said "Whoops! Slow down there, race-car... I was nearly knocked over... I saw some of the smaller kids getting knocked over too." He just looked at me. I went on: "I see that you wanna go really fast BUT please help me figure out a way you can do it that is safe for everybody. Can you run in another area?"

"No," he said, "this is the race track." It was circular. "Okay then," I said "What is your idea?"

He suggested moving the little ones. I answered that since it's actually a baby-area, we couldn't move them... Where was his mother? I kept thinking.

"How about we put up a few mats, together, so that the babies don't walk over into your running track?" I asked. He agreed and soon we had dd and this boy, as well as a couple others all lifting sections of mats and stacking them about a foot high which worked beautifully to deter the wobblers from coming out on the harder floor, and encouraged them to stay on the mats, while the boy and a couple others were able to run around the mats not leaping over little ones. When we were done, and they looked pleased with what they had done, I said "WOW! That was so much cooperation! What great team-work! Look at what you guys did when you worked together!"

"Yeah! We're a great team!" he said...

Pretty cute.

His mom was apparently in the nursing room that looks over the play-area, and watching the whole time. She came out shortly and thanked me for the way I spoke to her son, and she was beside herself becaus tho she saw what he was doing, she was nursing and would have had 2 meltdowns with trying to disengage baby and also redirect her son. But she said she was thrilled and amazed to see how he reacted because he usually just yells and runs from folks. Yay Virtues!

[Unity9]

Dd: ".. he was running around and yelling and pushed over little babies! His Mama didn't talk to him about being gentle or anything... But I think he should learn virtues to use, then he woulda played nicer, maybe."
Kid 1: "What? What can he learn?"
Dd: "Virtues... like 'copperation' and 'respeck-t' and maybe his Mama could help him."
Kid 2: "His Mama didn't help him with the babies. Maybe she doesn't know virtues."
Kid 1: "What are virtues again?"
Dd: "Helping things for being nice and loving, and making friends."
Kid 2: "His Mama should show him one for being nice to babies."
Dd: "My mama did. She asked him for copperation to pick up mats and make it safer so he could run and not bump the babies."
Kid 1: "Well, my mom could help too, she always tells me to have respeck."


Soooooooo Cute and adorable!!!!

[Unity9]

Originally Posted by PrennaMama

Tonight at a council meeting for our school I did childcare for some of the parents. I overheard dd telling a story to the other kids, regarding a running-around careless fella she had witnessed at a play-place earlier today, who kept trampling the toddlers/wobblers in the matted baby-area, leaping over the mats, until eventually I intervened as his mother didn't seem to be present:

Dd: ".. he was running around and yelling and pushed over little babies! His Mama didn't talk to him about being gentle or anything... But I think he should learn virtues to use, then he woulda played nicer, maybe."
Kid 1: "What? What can he learn?"
Dd: "Virtues... like 'copperation' and 'respeck-t' and maybe his Mama could help him."
Kid 2: "His Mama didn't help him with the babies. Maybe she doesn't know virtues."
Kid 1: "What are virtues again?"
Dd: "Helping things for being nice and loving, and making friends."
Kid 2: "His Mama should show him one for being nice to babies."
Dd: "My mama did. She asked him for copperation to pick up mats and make it safer so he could run and not bump the babies."
Kid 1: "Well, my mom could help too, she always tells me to have respeck."

I noticed the little guy seemed to be flying solo, and asked a couple of ladies if they knew who his mom was; one said she thought she saw her go into the restroom... So, I leaned into the garden and picked up a mat, and kinda put my rather round body in his path so that the next time he came around, I was in his way and he had to stop. I acted like I was falling over and said "Whoops! Slow down there, race-car... I was nearly knocked over... I saw some of the smaller kids getting knocked over too." He just looked at me. I went on: "I see that you wanna go really fast BUT please help me figure out a way you can do it that is safe for everybody. Can you run in another area?"

"No," he said, "this is the race track." It was circular. "Okay then," I said "What is your idea?"

He suggested moving the little ones. I answered that since it's actually a baby-area, we couldn't move them... Where was his mother? I kept thinking.

"How about we put up a few mats, together, so that the babies don't walk over into your running track?" I asked. He agreed and soon we had dd and this boy, as well as a couple others all lifting sections of mats and stacking them about a foot high which worked beautifully to deter the wobblers from coming out on the harder floor, and encouraged them to stay on the mats, while the boy and a couple others were able to run around the mats not leaping over little ones. When we were done, and they looked pleased with what they had done, I said "WOW! That was so much cooperation! What great team-work! Look at what you guys did when you worked together!"

"Yeah! We're a great team!" he said...

Pretty cute.

His mom was apparently in the nursing room that looks over the play-area, and watching the whole time. She came out shortly and thanked me for the way I spoke to her son, and she was beside herself becaus tho she saw what he was doing, she was nursing and would have had 2 meltdowns with trying to disengage baby and also redirect her son. But she said she was thrilled and amazed to see how he reacted because he usually just yells and runs from folks. Yay Virtues!

Good work my friend! These stories are very helpful. Boys are just different from girls. My DS just learned the definition of Cooperation yesterday and we are working on it more. Sometimes, it's hard for him to focus! But it has been less struggle

[PrennaMama]

Originally Posted by allgirls

I think they are both ready to learn. I'm very excited to begin practicing this.

Isn't it amazing how our dc's will signal to us their readiness to learn? I'm really excited to see your success!

Originally Posted by I-AM-Mother

okay, anything that gets these results with my family especially my children peaks my interest.

Welcome to Virtues Parenting!! Make sure to take a look at some of the links for resource material!

Originally Posted by Unity9

My DS just learned the definition of Cooperation yesterday and we are working on it more. Sometimes, it's hard for him to focus! But it has been less struggle

Remember that Focus is a Virtue, too, and very much a part of Respect. I wonder what kind of exercises we can teach our children to cultivate Focus?

Dd got very upset a few times in the past few days; I suspect she may be rebelling a little at the intensive, with all this attention on her and her understanding of cooperation in respect. BUT I was able to use that as a teachable moment. When she retaliated against my requests for cooperation by sticking her tongue out and spitting at me, I repsonded by acknowledging that it "looks like you're very frustrated right now. I can see that, but I really can't be part of the spitting and stuff; I respect you a lot, Dd, and I don't want to hurt your feelings getting frustrated, so I'm choosing to cool off until we can respect eachother again."

She came around shortly and said "I'm ready now mama."

"Ready to respect eachother again?" I asked.

"Yes, mama. I'm sorry for spitting. I was really mad." she explained.

We went on to have a long conversation about what had her so mad, and how best to use our repsect when we're mad so that we can get our points across without folks having to walk away and cool off in order to participate in the communicating...

Later, (tonight, actually) when I was just done with trying to communicate and be patient, and ready to get her off to bed, she was hauling out toys from the bin beside the couch (in the nicely tidied living room) much to my frustration, so I got a little huffy and said, "Dd, no. It's enough. It's time to make your way to bed, not time to total the living room by tearing all the toys out."

She ran across the room, flung herself to the floor and wailed something barely understandable about getting something to sleep with... Oh, I thought. Whoops... I could have asked what she was doing, and if I could help... So I asked her to come to me, gave her hug and said, "You were trying to find a friend to come to bed with you?" A very sad dd said, "Yes." "Ah," I said, "I see. Mama was not showing respect when I got snappy, was I?" "No." she said, looking down. "Who were you looking for? Maybe I can help you..." She brightened right up, told me which doll she was after, and when we found her doll, she said... "Mama! We did it! We found her! Thank you for being helpful and copperating!"

It's so great when it works! : (even when I'm not working so well!)