Originally Posted by forrestguy
<snip> How would you recommend incorporating all of them into your week before you've gone over all of them? Do we need to really sit down and, like, do a virtue a day until we get them all just so that we're familiar with all of them, or stick with the one a week thing?
How old are your dc's? With younger children, I think it's less important to go over all the virtues, and more about just jumping right into the exploration of the verbage. We are currently in the midst of our first intensive, here on the thread, and a few of us have chosen to focus on the virtue of Respect, for a couple weeks, and the underlying
Virtues involved in Respect, like Cooperation, Patience, Tolerance, and Understanding.
What that means is that we are working the verbage, using and defining the words, repeating them often, acknowledging them when we see them being used, and asking our dc's about what virtues they might need in certain scenarios, or ways we can use some of these tools in our tool-kit. This way, we're incorporating more examination of more Virtues, within the context of that one 'Virtue of the Week.'
With older kids, there are tools that can be used to really develope their understanding of the concepts defined by the Virtues. What is Respect? What does it look like? How does it feel? Why do we want it? How do we get it? How do we give it, and why do we give it? Some families have a Virtues Tree, and they hand the Virtues Cards up on the tree, and reflect as a family on a few a week, or a few a day, like over breakfast, and then follow up at dinner with a conversation about how each family member used those virtues today.
Originally Posted by allgirls
Well we went to Mother Goose. Virtues helped a lot because the little one was horrid. But her sister was awesome. When my almost three year old started screaming on the way in that she wanted to go home I knew we were in for it. I said to my 5 year old "I really think we are going to have to use our virtues with M. today" and she said "we are going to need a lot of patience" and I said "and I'm going to need cooperation" and all the while little one is screaming "don't talk, stop talking, I want to go home"
So we get to Mother goose and it goes very well. Little one calms down and participates. Then it's time to leave. She won't leave, she's on the floor in a bundle, "I don't want to go home"
and "I don't want those shoes" and so on. So we finally get her cooperating which means I carry her and big sis carries my stuff and then we get in the car and she screams all the way home "I want Mother Goose, don't want to go home"
So I held it together and 5 year old held it together
We were very "virtuous"
Once we got home little one was fine, ate a HUGE lunch which is probably what the problem was, hunger although she ate a substantial breakfast before we left. But she is having a hunge growth spurt lately, gained 4lbs over the summer and still growing.
Today I have the little one home, all the others are at school so we are talking a lot today about virtues. She's in a great mood so far today, we did groceries and she was very patient and cooperative and respectful. She's not even three so she's still very little to be able to control her emotions yet.
I think it's going well overall!
, you're posts are awesome! I'm so grateful to be able to glean bits of wisdom from the experience of peers, here! Did you dialogue about how the day went with the girls?
A few things your post made me think about:
- Spiritual Companioning is a big aspect of the Virtues Project. This entails active inquiry, reflective listening, and consultation. Acknowledgement is something we have discussed in terms of seeing Virtues applied, but after testing times, we can acknowledge the way we all handled ourselves, looking at what worked, and what didn't, for all concerned. Example: with your 5yo, especially, you might acknowledge her, again, for all the support she gave her little sister; let her know you'd like to ask her opinion on how things went at Mother Goose, and share with her that you respect her point of view, and want to look at how things went and what she thinks you all could have done differently, what Virtues she saw, and what else could be used, etc.
- With your younger dd, you might acknowledge the "turn-arounds" she had both at the place, as well as at home, and thank her for trying to be flexible, even when it was hard.
A pearl of wisdom I heard somewhere along the way... "Repsect comes with understanding; half of understanding, is being
Originally Posted by pumpkinseed
So glad that it went well at Mother Goose time!
I have been having great days but today has been downright horrible
I don't even know where to begin. I had to bodily carry my almost 4 yr old out of playgroup today. I have had to do that only one other time in her life and then it was to remove her from a situation that I was tired of-not her fault. Today-it was due to not listening-in hindsight it is so silly. We were only staying for an hour-she ate a Nutrigrain bar and then came back and asked for another one as she already had it in her hand and was trying to open it.
I said no thank you-you have already had one (there weren't enough there for everyone to have 2-just one)
and then she said no i want it and continued trying to open it.
I said I see that you are hungry-we are leaving in a few minutes anyway-if you are hungry we will have lunch as soon as we get home (we live not even 5 min away)
she replied with "no-i want it"
I said again "no thank you, please hand me the bar back"
no (w. an attitude)
At which point I tell her I am going to take the bar if she doesn't hand it to me-she again refuses with an attitude and I pry it out of her little hands.
She then throws herself bodily on the ground and cries and screams and continues to have a tantrum. I tell her that we are leaving and to please go up the stairs-she refuses-I then pick her up, carry her up the stairs and put her in the car. I realize this is not the thing I should have been doing-it was one of those days. It started out bad-she was fine at breakfast and then I had to make a phone call and of course, all heck broke loose while on the phone which is what she typically does. I was tired of it and told her that she was not using her respect and patience and that she needed to be respectful if we were going to be around other people at playgroup. I told her we would be leaving if she was not respectful. When she started in with the attitude we left. I admit that I am sick and tired of her attitude. It has gotten a lot better, but today has been horrible. We then reconnected over lunch and had popcorn as a treat afterwards. However, she then started in with the attitude and not listening again -not washing her hands after going to the bathroom and walking away from me as I am asking her to go wash her hands-not going to budge on hygiene. Sorry this is so long. I am just so tired today. Thanks for listening. The virtues have been working great-just not today and I admit I think I have been too tired today to appropriately try to use them. She did say as we were pulling into our driveway after playgroup "I do not want to have a conversation when we go inside"-knowing I would talk to her about her behaviour at playgroup. Ugh. Why is 3 so difficult???
! Sounds like a testing day. Someone told me that when we are apporaching understanding of a new skill-set, or enlightenment, or points of evolution, we are most likely to be tested. And that's a way for us to guage where we're at and what we will try to incorporate in order to continue to progress.
At 3, they're so right on the threshold of independance... able to do so much now, but still in need of so much help and assistance.
You are (were) feeling frustrated with her attitude, lately. I read. Boy, me too! Dd tests me BIG time. I use a lot of "I respect you and love you too much to fight with you. I'm done talking about this." In response to what your dd said, I might have said something like: I thank you for saying that to me calmly and with respect. If you don't want to talk now, I understand. I respect that you don't want to talk right now. Please let me know when you're ready, as I do expect we'll need to reflect on what happened today; I'm interested in your point of view...."The TURN-AROUND
This is a moment I have noticed lately with dd, (I believe as a result of treating her fairly, with respect and understadning, and dialoguing about it). SHe will be having a rough patch, I will remind her that I am using my respect for her to help me treat her kindly and listen to her words, etc. She will stomp away or something and shortly return with a helpful hand, or big smile and aplogy, etc... I acknowledge these moments by saying "Dd, that was a nice turn-around! Thank you for your understanding/patience/flexability," Or, "That's called a turn-around, and I noticed how you had a moment to get calm and use your thoughtfulness to reflect... Thank you!"
When our dc's disposition turns icky, look for the turn-around. It'll happen eventually and the more we acknowledge it, the more it happens.