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Virtues Parenting - Page 5

post #81 of 186

ooooo

This sounds great, but did I miss it, did some one post books for this?

blessings
post #82 of 186
Quote:
Originally Posted by daniellebluetoo View Post
This sounds great, but did I miss it, did some one post books for this?

blessings
That's a great question. Are there any books Prennamama?

If you read the first few posts of this thread it gives a good idea of what this is all about Daniellebluetoo.

Welcome!!!

G&A~We do the "team" thing too. We do a lot of talking about how our family works and that we all have to do our share to make our family successful etc. It's really helpful and the kids take ownership of that pretty quickly and do their part.
post #83 of 186
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by allgirls View Post
<snip>
Where do manner fit? My 5 year old asked me for something and expressed gratitude so sincerely today when I gave it to her I was beaming with pride. It wasn't an automatic..it was genuine and heartfelt "thank you mommy" and I just kissed her in acknowledgement..then after I was like..could have identified it as a virtue. So that would be gratitude?
Yes, gratitude, to be sure, which is part of respect, too; also kindness, thoughtfulness, courtesy, and others. It blows my mind when dd shows these pearls so brilliantly, like the "Thank you for the healthy dinner, Mama," story I posted some time back. I try to just be real, and not hold back... I let her know how good it feels to hear that kind of thing, I openly show my pleasure at hearing such kindness, and tell her warmly "You're welcome my love! It was my pleasure! Thank you for showing gratitude! That sure feels good!"

Quote:
Originally Posted by Unity9 View Post
<snip>
I said to DS: I need cooperation please. So, he gets up and picks up some toy not all but that did it for me. Yayyyyyyyyyyyyy!
: It's so rewarding and encouraging to see the nearly-instant progress they make when given such sublime tools as those that already live inside them...

Quote:
Originally Posted by allgirls View Post
<snip>
So I said "I was really hoping you would find some helpfulness in you to clean up that mess" and she calmed down(screams are usually the beginning of a meltdown) and said "I have a lot of helpfulness" and ran to the bathroom and got a cleaning rag under the sink, cleaned up the water and then put the rag back and now is eating lunch with her sister happily.

Little sister also found some helpfulness inside her and put the forks on the table for lunch for both of them.

So that's my little story of the day. I'm going to go talk to them a bit now.

So that was a turnaround right?
Indeed! I love how you were honest about what you were feeling, and in a respectful way that allowed your dd to find it in herself to be helpful! I'm totally going to ask dd to "find the virtues in her."

That made me think of a game I never got a chance to play at camp. I have played it with children I nannied, years ago, before I knew about the VP, and just working with lo's on manners...

I would say "How much ________ (fill in the virtue/manner) do you need at/in/to ________ (fill in place/activity/function)?" And then I would have them pour colored water into containers, to show how much they needed. The colored water was their manners (or for our purposes, virtues, and since they never run out, when the children's pitcher started to look empty, I'd just add some more...). Sometimes it was a 'trick question' like "How much thankfulness do you need when you sleep?" And they would laugh and we'd talk about when we do need thankfulness.

I wonder if it might be fun to try with dd... "How much helpfulness is inside you?....... How much do you use at school/home/with friends/ etc...?" Cool... I'm trying it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by g&a View Post
<snip>
Lately we've been working on the idea of our family as a team. DD helps out because "we're a team" and teams work together. It's worked really well.

Another thing I was thinking about with the virtues is that I have started being careful about how often I acknowledge them. I know this sounds odd, but I think if you praise kids for every little thing they do then they only do it so that they can get praise from you. I think moderation is key here. You want to cultivate self-understanding and pride in themselves, not feed their need for attention from you.
There is definitely a line between acknowledging and praising that can be difficult to distinguish. Thank you for the reminder. It is important to be genuine with acknowledgement, just as one would be with a peer. "Hey, I see you got your hair cut!" says I noticed, but doesn't evaluate. "Hey, I noticed how patient you were." also isn't an evaluation, but rather testimony.

I like the team bit, too!

Quote:
Originally Posted by g&a View Post
<snip>
I've been working with the virtues for many years now, since I was a camp counsellor in the early 90's. It's a bit of a challenge to translate that now that I am a parent... I find I slip into the way my parents parented so so often.
g.
Virtues Camp??

Quote:
Originally Posted by daniellebluetoo View Post
This sounds great, but did I miss it, did some one post books for this?

blessings
There are links on the first page to the Virtues Project website, as well as to their 'store' and many titles can be purchased through Amazon, I believe. PM me if you're having trouble finding the links.




So, speaking of moderation and game-playing.......

Who feels ready to throw another virtue into Intensive-land here on the thread? I was wondering if anyone might consider working Moderation with me?

We did it at camp, and the above game I mentioned would play nicely into Moderation exploration.

Dd and I got into a little foulness tonight, and it got me thinking about moderation....

We were getting a card for dh (anniversary tomorrow) at the craft store and she was doing the "I want..." bit with everything she saw. She even started whining that she wanted candy (which I am not so down with, but dh will share sometimes) and they don't even carry candy at the craft store. Then she chimes in with the "I never get..." insert candy, toys, what-have-you. So we get into the car and she is all in a huff, and I ask her "What's the problem, honey, why are you frustrated?" She proceeds to file out a litany of "I need more stuff, like K (her best guy friend, 5, very mainstream family, lotsa plastic toys and brightly colored foods... ) and I never get anything!" I calmy replied that it seems to me that she has a lot of wonderful things and even has some pretty brightly colored food-stuffs sometimes (we are by no means perfect in our aim at organic crunchiness, and our house has seen much Gatorade, Root Beer, gummies, etc...). I asked her why she felt like she needs more. She said "Everybody has more neat stuff than me... EVERYBODY!!" I was really taken aback by this. I nearly came unhinged.... I started to say something about, "well, maybe if you had less stuff, you'd be grateful for what you do have" which is something my mother would have said right before giving me a smack for being so cheeky!... THAT wasn't going to work! So I asked if she remembered how during the holiday season she chooses some toys to give to the kids whose folks can't get them toys. She sulked. I asked if she remembered Virtues Camp, when we had moderation tickets for lunch: "Take what you need, no more, no less..." And I asked if she remembered what moderation is. She didn't. I said "I am sorry you feel underprivaledged. You are blessed to have what you have, my love... and I'm blessed to have you!" I got in, privately seething (curse the lineage of abusive parenting going back 4 generations... but I'm a far-cry from where great-grannie was!) and we didn't speak for 15 minutes til we got to the restaurant to meet with my mom. I said "Are you still mad?" She nodded. "Ok, I see that. I'm not, (I had cooled off) and we can wait til you're ready to go in..." A few minutes later she said "I'm done being mad, now, Mama. But I still wish I had more stuff...."

I am beside myself with the commercialism and consumerism that sneaks by me, amping dd up about getting "more, more, more." This kid has SO much stuff... we're bursting at the seams! I'm about to purge, but don't want her to feel like it's a punishment, or like she's being compelled or coerced into "going without" kwim? I'm ready to work intensively on moderation with her... and for myself too. I lost 40lbs in 12 months, and recently gained about 15 of it back through no exercise and lots of indulging...

Who's in?
post #84 of 186
Quote:
Originally Posted by PrennaMama View Post
So, speaking of moderation and game-playing.......
I'm ready to work intensively on moderation with her... and for myself too. I lost 40lbs in 12 months, and recently gained about 15 of it back through no exercise and lots of indulging...

Who's in?
Definitely. And timely. We have birthdays and Christmas coming up...perfect!
post #85 of 186
That is a great idea. Moderation is one of my favorite virtues. Also, could we fit in "self-control"? I know it is a hard one for young children, but it is better they learn it now than when they are older.
I hardly buy any toys for DS when we go out shopping together. For instant, when we go to ToysRUS, he just looks at the toys and play with the displayed ones, then we leave the store. He knows this rule! Sometimes, I get him educational toys without his presence at the store.

The other day, I took him to the non toy store; at the end, he grabbed a ghost key chain (Halloween stuff). He kept saying "Mommy, I want this...I want this..." with a very respectful voice!!! I said "would you please put that down?" He kept insisting! I said "I don't think you need this key chair, you just WANT it. Is that right? He said "yap! but I like it!"
I told him "we don't buy the stuff that we don't need" and "can we practice our self-control? The cashier asked for the key chain, so he handed it to her. That was it! we had no conversation about that thing again.
post #86 of 186
We haven't done much with moderation other than talk about it but today we had a playgroup followed by a bbq and I was a bit worried it could get to be too much but my youngest was awesome! It was just the two of us.We talked before about sharing. Then after we got to the bbq I noticed only 2 swings.

There were a lot of kids the same age and limited number of swings and I said remember how we have kindness and sharing down inside us and today is a good day to use them because we have a lot of friends and only 2 swings so can you use your kindness and sharing to take turns and try to share a lot.

She was amazing. She offered other kids turns and was just so grown up and mature. I was so proud. Then I acknowledged that I'd noticed and told her she should be very proud of herself.

She was. And I was very proud of her as well.

At one point one of the other mothers remarked at how "good" she was and they were totally amazed when she got off the swing and gave another kid a turn without being prompted. Honestly, I was amazed too!

There were some babies there too and she was very good about giving them space and not over-hugging them and just played peek a boo. She loves babies

She was noticeably respectful, gentle and sweet, above and beyond what I've ever noticed before.

post #87 of 186
We have mother goose again today...wish me luck!
post #88 of 186
Quote:
Originally Posted by allgirls View Post
We have mother goose again today...wish me luck!
Best Wishes!
post #89 of 186
Well we didn't end up going to MG because one of my best friends came by with her grandaughter...it was wonderful...She's close in age to my little one and I had a little talk to her about sharing and taking turns and how we are with our guests..and all the good things inside us we should use when we have friends over like our manners etc. and she was so attentive and then they played with very few incidents. They LOVED each other and it was great. My older daughter enjoyed it too..she was fantastic too..helping the little ones negotiate with toys. I cannot believe that a child who is not yet three could be so interested and actually try to carry out the virtues..it's amazing

We haven't done anything with moderation and I missed an opportunity tonight because the kids were eating icecream and cookies(a BIG treat) and wanted more. I said no and they were fine but I could have taught moderation.

I'm sure I'll get other chances.

Are there story books for kids about the virtues?
post #90 of 186
I'm so excited. I just found out that a counselling group in the city I used to live in regularly offers the virtues workshops..the introduction and facilitator training. I may do this if it works out!

They are offering the introductory one next week..and the facilitator one in November too soon for me but I'm emailing them to see if another is coming up in the new year...

I would love to be more involved so I'm definitely looking into this:
post #91 of 186
great info taking notes thanks so much
post #92 of 186
Quote:
Originally Posted by allgirls View Post

Are there story books for kids about the virtues?
Dear allgirls,
Yes, there is a list at this following link. It is a great idea to read stories related to each virtue.

http://www.virtueoftheweek.org/acces...ID=13_BookList

Hope that helps!!!
post #93 of 186
Quote:
Originally Posted by Unity9 View Post
Dear allgirls,
Yes, there is a list at this following link. It is a great idea to read stories related to each virtue.

http://www.virtueoftheweek.org/acces...ID=13_BookList

Hope that helps!!!
link didn't work

I'll try later..maybe it's just down
post #94 of 186
Can you tell me if this is a good book to start?

http://www.amazon.com/BOOK-VIRTUES-W...3055605&sr=8-1
post #95 of 186
Quote:
Originally Posted by allgirls View Post
link didn't work

I'll try later..maybe it's just down
Sorry about that! I think you need to subscribe to the following website.

http://www.virtueoftheweek.org/

Actually, I could email you the PDF file if you don't mind!
post #96 of 186
Thank you so much for this!!

I came to the GD forum because things have just not been good in my home. It is no longer a home of peace. We all always seem to be yelling at each other and frustrated.

We try and have a family night a week where we do a lesson (called Family Home Evening) and DH and I really want to spend the next year working on the Virtues.
Again, thank you! I will post our progress.

I just purchased The Family Virtues Guide from abebooks.com for $1 + shipping and handling. If anyone else is looking for an inexpensive place to buy books go with abebooks.com.
post #97 of 186
Hi, Maggie! I remember you from that other thread -- it's good to see you over here, too!
post #98 of 186
Quote:
Originally Posted by mammal_mama View Post
Hi, Maggie! I remember you from that other thread -- it's good to see you over here, too!
Which other thread? I am getting close to 8,000 posts so it all has begun to run together.
post #99 of 186
Quote:
Originally Posted by magstphil View Post
Which other thread? I am getting close to 8,000 posts so it all has begun to run together.
The liberal Christian thread!
post #100 of 186
Oh yes! Looooooove that thread!

I have a scenario for y'all- my oldest DD called 911 this morning while I was sleeping. She says she thought it was her Grammy's number even though she told me that 911 is just for emergencies. How would you handle this with the virtues?
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