SAHP's Using Public Assistance - Page 10

[mammal_mama]

Originally Posted by heidirk

I literally cried to sleep last night while trying to explain to DH that I was tired of being treated like I'm the entire problem. I've stood by him through almost 8 years of financial irresponsibility on his part, and I guess I feel like I deserve some credit instead of blame.

I'm sorry they're treating you like this! Any clue as to why they assume it's all you? Not that it's any of their business!

[mammal_mama]

Originally Posted by Satori

No they do not ask. Your DH is letting his pride get in the way of full bellies for your children it sounds like.

I don't think dh's ever been asked ... I also agree with what Satori said about the food pantries being there for a reason!

[heidirk]

Originally Posted by transformed

We dont need it today. but soon maybe. but yeah, pride.

I wonder if you could weigh in.....whats more responsible - using credit to feed the family, or using a food pantry?

Tell your DH- FOOD PANTRY Using credit for groceries is part of what got us into the huge hole we're in now.

Originally Posted by mammal_mama

I'm sorry they're treating you like this! Any clue as to why they assume it's all you? Not that it's any of their business!

Thanks!

MY mother thinks I have expensive taste. Her words precisely. I do appreciate beautiful things, but mainly, I just hate spending money on things that fall apart with the first use. So I spend a few dollars more, and get something that will last 10 times as long. I don't buy expensive things just because they are expensive, I buy what quality I can afford. so instead of buying K-mart, I wait for the awesome sales at the Carter's outlet. I get more, better quality clothes for the same money. All mom sees is the label, and $$$$. My mom doesn't understand the difference between value and price. She bought junky curtains at a dollar store, hung them for a year, and then COMPLAINED when she tried to wash them and they literally disintegrated!

My MIL just doesn't beleive that her darling boy (who is 8 yrs my senior) could be irresponsible, or unmotivated. So that leaves me, the high maintenance, childish, demanding, shrew of a wife. : If she knew the truth- that her darling boy only has ever done just enough to get by in life- she'd probably have a heart attack and die. I don;t want that to happen! In a lot of ways she's more level headed, reasonable person than my own mom, just with different blind spots.

Dare I say, too, that there's a stigma of sorts in certain churches over women and money. there's always the assumption that somehow, it's the woman who's mismanaging things.

[magentamomma]

I second the food pantry, Bad credit can negativly impact your family's future for years. I can't get a job, because the gov't will take our earned income credit to pay student loans, and I can' t get back in school to better our situation at this point either. I also have NEVER heard of an employer asking. I would actually imagine that if an employer asked it could be considered discriminatory.
I feel best with a full pantry as well. In the past the meat fairy has brought us cases of chicken nuggets and all sorts of things, and then had my more affluent friends criticize our food choices. I have had people say if I really cared about our world I would shop organic, I say I can't care about the world if we are starving. We are Freegans. We eat what is given to us.

[~Mom2thhts~]

This is exactly why I love Australia!! They pay you to stay at home!! I get nearly $1500 every 2 weeks! We do have 6 kids, but in America we would never get close to this. I wish we could stay here permanently, but we miss our families.

[Satori]

Originally Posted by magentamomma

I second the food pantry, Bad credit can negativly impact your family's future for years. I can't get a job, because the gov't will take our earned income credit to pay student loans, and I can' t get back in school to better our situation at this point either. I also have NEVER heard of an employer asking. I would actually imagine that if an employer asked it could be considered discriminatory.
I feel best with a full pantry as well. In the past the meat fairy has brought us cases of chicken nuggets and all sorts of things, and then had my more affluent friends criticize our food choices. I have had people say if I really cared about our world I would shop organic, I say I can't care about the world if we are starving. We are Freegans. We eat what is given to us.

ugh, your post reminds me of a friend who thinks the opposite, he's very poor. Every time I offer him something the first thing he asks is "is it organic?" The only thing I make a point to buy organic is the "dirty dozen" if we need them. Everything else I get what's safe for our very restrictive diet. I have explained this many times to him. Its kind of offensive because its like he's saying our food isn't good enough for him because its not organic. Its already free of additives, preservatives, dyes, and artificial stuff but because its not "organic" its not good enough. He does this with everything and then suggests I use a different brand because its "better". He even turned down a tube of toothpaste (crest/Colgate) because it didn't come from the health food store and said I should just buy it there. I told him when he buys my groceries he can do it but we get what we can afford and right now that's .49 a tube Colgate and not the stuff we usually get at trader joes. So he suggested it would be better for us to just use a salt/baking soda combo. umm yeah, like I can get dd to put that in her mouth. I stopped offering him stuff because I was sick of his attitude.

[heidirk]

I agree with you on general principle, Satori, but on the other hand, with my family history of fatal colon cancer, there are some things I get from the food bank that I have to give back! It feels ungrateful to me, too, but some days it's better for us to eat less than to eat the toxic stuff that people donate.

It's very hard to explain to someone why you buy organic cereal, and also need supplemental food from Wic and the food bank, etc. You should have heard the snarky comments I got from MIL about not letting DS eat fruit loops for breakfast! :

[fairydoula]

Hi,
I was just curious about this thread, having had to use food stamps in the last 3 years since we moved to michigan and have been very poor.
I have bought organic food with food stamps, but I don't discuss my food purchases with others, so I guess I am lucky not to have to deal with MIL's or others critizing my choices.
I have often wondered why moms like me don't just ignore or tell off the people critizing?
This comes from an ignorant person, so please don't take offense. My mom died when I was 18 and my dad didn't butt in. My husband's mom died before I ever got a chance to meet her and my husband's dad has a bit of a ditzy wife whom neither of us pay much attention to, in any way.
So, I guess we're lucky that we don't have inlaws to deal with. My dad died 5 years ago.
But, I know if we did... I'd just be blunt and honest and then not worry about it at all. DH's dad is still alive and believe it, we've had our moments where we've argued, long and loud, but we are on very good terms and I know that he respects that I have a voice and I'm a momma bear when it comes to my kids.

I am just genuinely curious as to why so many moms put so much stock in what other family says. They're not living your life... you are. Aren't you?
Life's just too darn short to spend time worrying about other's opinions of you. Do what works for you and they can f-off if they don't like it and feel like they have to argue. Just my opinion, ymmv.
-jen

how's that for a hello to this thread?!?! LOLOLOL

[magentamomma]

Well, if self esteem were something I could pick up at the grocery, and pay for with food stamps, I probably wouldn't care what others thought. I however, grew up in a home constantly criticized, neglected, abandoned and abused. In my world Love was a commodity and one must mind ones p's and q's to earn it. My dh asks the same question as the PP does. I don't know why I can't stop caring what others say or think but I can't, It is a constant thrumming refrain in my head... Everyones right, I am a fat lazy slob who can't control my kids, who fails at everything, and is mostly a waste of space. This is particularly poignant right now for me. I am seeking counseling about this. Just know it isn't as simple as not caring what others think for some of us, and sometimes it changes day to day and even relationship to relationship.

[CarsonBookworm]

Looks like I'd fit into this tribe very nicely.

DD is on Medicaid....to put her on regular insurance would be a couple hundred a month, and to add me would be $700 a month for our family to be insured under DH's work group plan. DH pays $60 a month through his job. I am beginning to think that I am uninsurable being that I keep getting turned down for insurance left and right.....so I don't go to the doctor.

We're still paying off the medical bills that resulted from an incident in April where I had blacked out and the local 911 crew (Police, Fire, Ambulance) believed that it would be best that I head on to the ER....even though we insisted that we'd be in debt for years if I went....of course nothing was found to be truly wrong when I was done there....but we were stuck with the $7500 in Medical Bills!

Until DD was 3.5 months old, we were using FS. Now, things are a bit better, but I'm still on the lookout for a health plan that will accept me at a decent cost (Read: Under $120 a month) as well as DD.

[Satori]

Originally Posted by heidirk

I agree with you on general principle, Satori, but on the other hand, with my family history of fatal colon cancer, there are some things I get from the food bank that I have to give back! It feels ungrateful to me, too, but some days it's better for us to eat less than to eat the toxic stuff that people donate.

It's very hard to explain to someone why you buy organic cereal, and also need supplemental food from Wic and the food bank, etc. You should have heard the snarky comments I got from MIL about not letting DS eat fruit loops for breakfast! :

I don't offer him fruit loops, I was offering things like eggs and beans but since there not organic he didn't want them. There free range and no antibiotics, but since they don't say "organic" he didn't want them. THAT is being over picky imo if your lamenting about not being able to afford food.

[heidirk]

My apologies, Satori, I didn;t mean to imply you had offered him something that silly. And I agree that relying on a label that says 'organic' doesn't mean you're getting good food.

The fruit loops were my example for my situation because my MIL thinks you should buy the cheapest food, regardless of what it's made of, and I have a bag of them from the food bank that I'll have to give back.

I truly did not mean to offend you with my post.


Magentamomma- You know you are not a failure, and I think we'd all say we know it too. I know what it's like to have the voices of the past constantly accusing you of somehow missing the mark, and I hope you can successfully shut those voices down.

[Mamato3wild ponnie]

We are living off of credit right now....it's credit or i lose the house to forclosure and live in a shelter. Everyone can and will bounce back. I do get medicaid and food stamps to help out...thus less credit being used to feed us. I want to get WIC to help the FS last longer.
I have awesome credentials to get a good paying job....however that would mean putting 2 in daycare and eating up half my check thus not getting me much further than where i'm at right now.
My family is constantly giving me heck for not working, however i'm 37 weeks pregnant and not in a postion to work. My DP was deported to MX in Dec 07...He has little means to help with US bills with a Mexican income. We've tried to sell our house...it was on the market for a year and no sale. We have so much invested in this house i cant let it go. I started reading the book called The Secret...and its helped me see the positive in life and that i have the power to change my situation...and i will get out of this predictament in due time. Just wanted to chime in a let others know we dont always have to stay down...we can rise above this...:

[Satori]

Originally Posted by Mamato3wild ponnie

We are living off of credit right now....it's credit or i lose the house to forclosure and live in a shelter. Everyone can and will bounce back. I do get medicaid and food stamps to help out...thus less credit being used to feed us. I want to get WIC to help the FS last longer.
I have awesome credentials to get a good paying job....however that would mean putting 2 in daycare and eating up half my check thus not getting me much further than where i'm at right now.
My family is constantly giving me heck for not working, however i'm 37 weeks pregnant and not in a postion to work. My DP was deported to MX in Dec 07...He has little means to help with US bills with a Mexican income. We've tried to sell our house...it was on the market for a year and no sale. We have so much invested in this house i cant let it go. I started reading the book called The Secret...and its helped me see the positive in life and that i have the power to change my situation...and i will get out of this predictament in due time. Just wanted to chime in a let others know we dont always have to stay down...we can rise above this...:

Have you seen the film? You can watch it online for free, there's also a lot of links on it over in the spirituality forum. I've had good success with it too

[rockportmidwife]

I am a single mom. I collect food stamps, medicaid, and WIC. I am essentially a SAHM. I am a homebirth midwife that is just starting out, so eventually I should become self supporting.

[mammal_mama]

Originally Posted by ~Mom2thhts~

This is exactly why I love Australia!! They pay you to stay at home!! I get nearly $1500 every 2 weeks! We do have 6 kids, but in America we would never get close to this. I wish we could stay here permanently, but we miss our families.

Wow! Did you really mean $1500 -- not $150, every 2 weeks -- not every 2 months? We could totally get by on that, dh could quit his job and just make the odd $50 here and there fixing people's computers, and selling stuff on ebay that he picked up much cheaper at garage sales and flea markets.

Of course, I guess with only 2 kids we'd get less. Darn! But I'm very happy for you that it's so great there! Welcome to our tribe!

Also welcome to rockportmidwife, CarsonBookworm, fairydoula, and any other newfolks I may have missed!

[rockportmidwife]

I'm really enjoying reading this thread. I am just trying to figure out how to subscribe to it. I am new here and haven't been able to figure it out yet.

[mammal_mama]

Originally Posted by rockportmidwife

I'm really enjoying reading this thread. I am just trying to figure out how to subscribe to it. I am new here and haven't been able to figure it out yet.

Hi! Scroll down below where you're typing your post, to the place where it says "Additional Options," and click on Instant email notification.

[rockportmidwife]

Originally Posted by mammal_mama

Hi! Scroll down below where you're typing your post, to the place where it says "Additional Options," and click on Instant email notification.

Got it! Thanks!

[damona]

hi new peoples!

hi old peoples!

forgive me, i'm feeling distinctly silly today. i am on my very own computer in my very own apartment! no more going to my mom's! yay!

anyway.

i skimmed over the new posts, so i'm not sure who asked, but putting groceries on credit is not a good idea, if you can avoid it. that is part of what drove us many 1000's of $$$ into debt. my dh was too proud to "allow" me to go get food stamps. of course, he didn't refuse to eat what i brought home from the food pantry...

i am definitely a person who is much happier with a full pantry. dh gives me a hard time about it, since his mom was a "let's go pick up what we need for tonight" type of shopper. it makes me anxious to open the pantry or fridge and see empty shelves

did i read correctly that australia provides a stipend to sahm???? was i really seeing that? is cost of living higher there than the us?

the situation in the us is such a pain, b/c once you are on assistance, it's nearly impossible to get off of it. this is the breakdown of our situation. we get $540ish for food stamps (6 people), plus medicaid and we are living in gov't housing. if our income goes over x-amount ($1000 a month, i think), we start losing food stamp $$. if it goes over 2100 a month, we have to go on a different state-sponsered insurance plan that only covers half of what we get covered now. we are currently paying the bare minimum for rent (don't shoot!) at $45 a month, but as soon as dh gets a job, the rent will jump (at $8.50/hr, full time, we were paying $450/month) and the food stamp $$ drop(we were getting $400 a month). add in gas for getting to work, and a few other things, and we have just as much money every month as we do now, namely, a big fat zero. so, i ask you, where, exactly, is the incentive to get off of public aid? it's not that i exactly love sitting around, waiting for the gov't to pay for everything, but, honestly, where is it?

apologies for the novel-writing... i will now put away the soapbox!