SAHP's Using Public Assistance - Page 16

[That Is Nice]

Originally Posted by mammal_mama

happyhats, I wish more doctors had the experience of living on public assistance themselves! I think they'd be more likely to never refuse to see Medicaid patients, and they'd also be less likely to look down on families that don't pay for their own health insurance.

This I totally agree with. I think sometimes a person doesn't know what it's like until they've walked a mile in your shoes.

Some doctors do get it, though. I've had plenty of doctors tell me they think health care is a human right. And that everyone should have insurance, or access to health care.

[Satori]

Just a reminder folks, this is a SUPPORT THREAD for those who are on aid, not a DEBATE thread on whether you agree with the it.

[CaliMommie]

Thanks, Satori! I was about to post the same thing!

[That Is Nice]

Self-editing.

[mammal_mama]

Originally Posted by Satori

Just a reminder folks, this is a SUPPORT THREAD for those who are on aid, not a DEBATE thread on whether you agree with the it.

Thanks, Satori!

[CaliMommie]

Originally Posted by That Is Nice

I wasn't debating. I was telling my story of growing up with a parent who chose to be a SAHP on welfare, long term.

Having been a child in that situation, and now as an adult, I see a full life cycle. My mother truly did manipulate the system (although no laws were broken) by having more children to extend her benefits. And now she has zero retirement and no job skills, and I'm not sure she even has enough social security credits because she was a SAHP all those years.

Also, my mother's choice to be a SAHP with public aid as our family's main source of income ended up being a hardship for everyone, because public aid certainly didn't elevate the family above poverty level. It wasn't a very well provided for childhood.

And the cycle is being repeated by my siblings. My point was it's not easy for children to live so hand to mouth. I didn't like being cold and hungry. I remember always feeling hopeless and sad, and hungry most of the time, not carefree and joyful as a child.

I just wanted to share that because that is my story. I don't think public aid provides enough to get by on, long term, at least it didn't feel that way to me as a child.

Are you on public assistance? Because I think what you are missing is that this is a support thread for SAHP's who use public assistance. I understand that you might think that your posts are helpful, but I for one, do not find them to be so. You say you are not debating, but your posts have not been very supportive, either.

[Satori]

Originally Posted by That Is Nice

I wasn't debating. I was telling my story of growing up with a parent who chose to be a SAHP on welfare, long term.

Having been a child in that situation, and now as an adult, I see a full life cycle. My mother truly did manipulate the system (although no laws were broken) by having more children to extend her benefits. And now she has zero retirement and no job skills, and I'm not sure she even has enough social security credits because she was a SAHP all those years.

Also, my mother's choice to be a SAHP with public aid as our family's main source of income ended up being a hardship for everyone, because public aid certainly didn't elevate the family above poverty level. It wasn't a very well provided for childhood.

And the cycle is being repeated by my siblings. My point was it's not easy for children to live so hand to mouth. I didn't like being cold and hungry. I remember always feeling hopeless and sad, and hungry most of the time, not carefree and joyful as a child.

I just wanted to share that because that is my story. I don't think public aid provides enough to get by on, long term, at least it didn't feel that way to me as a child.

What you describe can not happen anymore, there is a 5 year limit on aid and if you don't do welfare to work you don't get aid, period. (unless your exempt which is hard to get unless you have a good reason). 20 years ago there were not the resources available today either. For example you were limited to getting only what you could find in your community, now you can get things online which for me has been a HUGE thing. I get my girls a down parka from LL Bean off ebay every winter for $25 or less that keeps them toasty warm. I make sure we have enough blankets to keep everyone warm in the winter. My kids are warm, well fed and live in a safe neighborhood. I made the choice to live in a small town so we could survive on what welfare gave us while I go to school to provide a future for my children. So please know, how you grew up has no bearing on today's welfare system.

Now, lets get back to supporting each other!

[That Is Nice]

Self-editing.

[That Is Nice]

Self-editing.

[CaliMommie]

I am sorry that you had a hard time with welfare & the stigma & such growing up That's part of why this thread exists, though- to support eachother & try to get past that stigma. We are all doing the best we can & making the choices that we feel are best for our children & our family.

[mammal_mama]

That Is Nice, I am really, really sorry about all you had to endure as a child.

However, I don't believe the use of public assistance is what makes a childhood miserable or happy. Just as extreme wealth doesn't make a childhood miserable or happy.

I don't know any stats -- but I'll bet if there were some stats on the kinds of childhoods people had, economic status alone would have very little bearing. Not that economics don't matter -- just that parental love informs how parents grapple with reality and raise their children in the midst of each set of circumstances.

In my own life, I certainly haven't observed wealthier families to be any closer or more loving than low-income families.

I don't discount childhood experiences, not at all. However, I will share that for years I thought my mother's interest in part-time jobs was a big factor in my not feeling very loved by her. I no longer see that as the main issue -- I now see that the main issue was/is my mom's underlying need to control and manipulate people into living the way she wants them to.

There are controlling and manipulative SAHMs, there are controlling and manipulative working moms -- and there are many loving, affirming and accepting moms in both groups. I just happened to grow up with a controlling and manipulative mom who liked to work -- when my brother and I were teens, she actually chose to work part-time jobs that had her at home all day while we were in school, and leaving for work as we were getting home from school.

This was probably more to get away from our dad than to get away from us, but it still hurt. As an adult, I see this as a choice she made that was unrelated to the choice to bring in extra money. There are lots of working mamas for whom the big priority in job/schedule choice is to minimize the time away from their children.

My mom just made a different choice. If you dig deeper, I think you will probably find that many of the things that made your own childhood miserable had little to do with your mom's use of public assistance programs.

I don't believe you intended to hurt or offend anyone. But I'd just like to point out that your comments affect some of us similarly to the way that my story of my miserable childhood with my working mom, would likely affect some in the WOHM forum.

[That Is Nice]

Originally Posted by Satori

What you describe can not happen anymore, there is a 5 year limit on aid and if you don't do welfare to work you don't get aid, period. (unless your exempt which is hard to get unless you have a good reason).

In some ways, that 5 year limit for eligibility is bad, though. When that 5 year limit was passed as part of reform, I was worried for children who might be born after their parents exhausted the 5 year time limit.

It's not just because of how I grew up. I hate to think of suffering children in any capacity.

I'd definitely like to see more social programs for subsidized child care, job training (for good jobs), aid and forgivable loans for college and training. The system is better than 20 years ago, but still needs public investment and support.

No kid should have to grow up in poverty. Or go hungry.

[That Is Nice]

Self-editing.

[That Is Nice]

Anyway, I see this is a thread for those on public assistance now. I haven't been on public assistance since I was a child, so I guess I won't post.

I just read a post quite a few posts back, and I thought about my own childhood, and I thought it was relevant.

s

[That Is Nice]

I'll go back and edit my posts, now that I see this is a forum just for those currently SAH.

[Satori]

Originally Posted by That Is Nice

Self-editing.

Those were choices your mother made though, I get more then enough food stamps, even if they killed our FS today we would still be able to eat well for at least a month becasue through frugal shopping of nutritious basic food staples we have a nice pantry. Look at my sig, I don't buy any foods containing that stuff so I'm not buying cheap crap food. I shop sales and use coupons. So far this month I have spent $224 in FS and saved $215, so that's $439 worth of food and I still have half my FS and were stocked for about 3-4 months on Cereal, lean ground turkey (we don't eat beef), boneless, skinless chicken breasts, no added crap lunch meat, tons of various spices, and the ever useful beans and rice. That's just what I bought in the past 2 days or so since I got this months FS, now imagine that kind of stocking EVERY MONTH! It starts leading to a very nice pantry to keep us well fed and happy.

Now there are free programs that will weatherize your home so you don't have the drafts and you can stay warm, there's help to pay your utilities. If your living outside your means then yes, you will be miserable but if you live within your means you will be fine. After I pay rent, gas, electric, phone and internet I have $16 left over which isn't much but its enough to get what ever else I need for the month. I also get money for school which pays my car payment and insurance (I bought the car new 4 years ago, long before I needed aid and it has a very low payment) and any extras we need most of the time (its gonna be tight until Feb though becasue I have to use 1/2 of next months PEL disbursement to replace my ancient computer but we won't be cold or hungry)

I can't remember what else you wrote about but the way you grew up had less to do with the fact you grew up on welfare and more to do with your mother making bad choices in how she raised her family.

[hollycat]

im not on PA but have really learned to appreciate a hand in my life at the times i needed it. just wanted to say as someone who grew up poor not on gvmnt assistance that there can be plenty of shame and hardship in that too. shame and difficulty dont necessarily come with PA. at least if we had some help it wouldve been easier!

agree absolutely that its about the attitude of the parent. you can have shame and feel strapped no matter how much money you have. you can feel happy and abundant no matter how much money you have. and your kids definately pick up those vibes.

i think this is a great thread to support moms who want to get all the support they can and feel great about it.

[That Is Nice]

Originally Posted by Satori

Those were choices your mother made though, I get more then enough food stamps, even if they killed our FS today we would still be able to eat well for at least a month becasue through frugal shopping of nutritious basic food staples we have a nice pantry. Look at my sig, I don't buy any foods containing that stuff so I'm not buying cheap crap food. I shop sales and use coupons. So far this month I have spent $224 in FS and saved $215, so that's $439 worth of food and I still have half my FS and were stocked for about 3-4 months on Cereal, lean ground turkey (we don't eat beef), boneless, skinless chicken breasts, no added crap lunch meat, tons of various spices, and the ever useful beans and rice. That's just what I bought in the past 2 days or so since I got this months FS, now imagine that kind of stocking EVERY MONTH! It starts leading to a very nice pantry to keep us well fed and happy.

Now there are free programs that will weatherize your home so you don't have the drafts and you can stay warm, there's help to pay your utilities. If your living outside your means then yes, you will be miserable but if you live within your means you will be fine. After I pay rent, gas, electric, phone and internet I have $16 left over which isn't much but its enough to get what ever else I need for the month. I also get money for school which pays my car payment and insurance (I bought the car new 4 years ago, long before I needed aid and it has a very low payment) and any extras we need most of the time (its gonna be tight until Feb though becasue I have to use 1/2 of next months PEL disbursement to replace my ancient computer but we won't be cold or hungry)

I can't remember what else you wrote about but the way you grew up had less to do with the fact you grew up on welfare and more to do with your mother making bad choices in how she raised her family.

No, that's not true.

My mom bought rice, beans, flour, etc. She cooked everything from scratch. Every single thing. She ate very healthfully and purchased only basics. She gardened. She never bought any packaged foods. Not ever. Food stamps simply did not cover the food needs. Public aid simply was not enough money to live on. Had we had supplemental income, it would have been a different story.

My mother did use weatherization programs, every year, and did a lot of the labor herself to stretch the funds. But you only get so much in annual eligibility, and it was never enough to take care of the weatherization problems the Section 8 eligible rentals had.

It really wasn't about the choices she made other than the choice to rely 100% on public aid. She received AFDC (which I think was phased out and replaced by TANF, right?), foodstamps, WIC, Section 8, medicaid, fuel assistance, and weatherization assistance. Probably other stuff.

Anyway, she homebirthed, lived very naturally, cooked from scratched, sewed, homeschooled, no plastic toys, breastfed, etc, lived pretty darn frugally and simply in every possible way except she never made any money and lived soley on public assistance for the entire time her children were at home. Everything we owned was from a thrift store. The money wasn't mismanaged. It simply wasn't enough.

Actually, I think the reason my mother used public assistance was because she wanted to be at home with her children, but also because she wanted to breastfeed, homeschool, garden, sew, cook from scratch, can things, etc. If she had worked, she would not have had the time to do that. She knew that and said it at the time, and says it to this day.

Sometimes there is an assumption that most welfare mothers (certainly in my mother's generation) didn't live frugally, or didn't cook from scratch, or garden, or breastfeed and save on formula costs. My mother was very much a hippie and home birthed, breastfed, co-slept, gardened, cooked from scratch, and by nature lived very simply and very frugally.

She just tried to do it on public aid, and it wasn't enough money to live above poverty level.

It probably would have been a pretty good life, actually, with a little more money so that we weren't poverty level. We needed more than what public aid provided.

[Mountaingirl79]

That Is Nice, Where was the father in all of this? It seems to me that your mom was doing the best she could. Was your father doing what he could to make sure his offspring had a reasonable way of life? Wheres the child support? That might have made all the difference. It seems to me that your story is less about PA than you may think.

My family and I have an EBT card and get medicaid. My husband and I have paid into this system as have the last four generations of our families so we are making use of all the programs that are available.

We are starting our own businesses, taking classes, putting two small children thru school... we are plenty well fed, I keep a very very stocked pantry and we have a great house. We love our life!

Back to the support....:

[That Is Nice]

Originally Posted by Mountaingirl79

That Is Nice, Where was the father in all of this? It seems to me that your mom was doing the best she could. Was your father doing what he could to make sure his offspring had a reasonable way of life? Wheres the child support? That might have made all the difference. It seems to me that your story is less about PA than you may think.

My family and I have an EBT card and get medicaid. My husband and I have paid into this system as have the last four generations of our families so we are making use of all the programs that are available.

We are starting our own businesses, taking classes, putting two small children thru school... we are plenty well fed, I keep a very very stocked pantry and we have a great house. We love our life!

Back to the support....:

It was about public assistance because if my father had had a good job or paid child support, we probably wouldn't have qualified for public assistance.

My mother did the best she could on public assistance, for the most part, as far as budgeting and living simply goes. But I really wanted her to get a job pretty much from the time I was 5 or 6. I saw other mothers who worked (and fathers) and those kids seemed to have food in the frige all the time.

My dad was a deadbeat. Never paid any child support. Not once. He wasn't really around. No excuses can right that, but I still think my mom could have gotten a job and tried to bring in more income. I prayed and prayed to be grown up, and couldn't wait to be able to be an adult myself. Childhood on public assistance as the only source of income was a terrible existence.