Originally Posted by CaliMommie
I have had a friend pay for me to get my nails done for my sister's wedding. You don't know that someone on PA paid for her nails or clothes with cash aid. She could have been given a giftcard, or had a friend who did them, or even done them herself. And even if she did use her cashaid to get her nails done or buy a nice outfit, why does she not deserve to do something that makes her feel good? We don't know the full details of everyone's life, and we really don't need to. As I've said before, we are all doing the best we can.
Right, we don't know anyone else's details, really. And we all know from experience that even when we attempt to explain our situation, it doesn't usually help.
Originally Posted by happyhats
I think it's hard not to judge others when sometimes we feel so judged ourselves. I know I'm not completely innocent of doing this myself, though more and more often I hear a voice in my head saying, "hey in there, you don't know this person's life..."
I know that some people feel that this may not be a good time to have a child, but things don't always end up the way you originally intended.
Me, too. I have to constantly remind myself that what I see is not the whole person. I can;t see people's hearts, only their exteriors. And how many of us have gone somewhere looking like death warmed over, thinking "I hope noone I know sees me".
We also can't judge when others have more children when we (in our infinite wisdom) think they shouldn't have. It's none of anybody else's business how many children DH and I chose to have. We all take a chance when we get pregnant that things won't be exactl the same as they are now, 9 months is a long time, and anything can happen, anytime.
Originally Posted by mammal_mama
I agree. But, as CaliMommie pointed out, sometimes a generous friend or relative will splurge on a momma who's going through hard times. And then maybe someone sees her using her EBT card or WIC vouchers in her designer outfit, or fancy nails, and gets worked up in knots over it.
I guess some wish we'd stick notes on our bathroom mirrors, reminding ourselves to dress crappy on shopping days.
Of course, then we'd likely add fuel to the other stereotype about welfare mamas having no pride. We need to look cheaply-dressed -- but clean and neat -- oh, and make sure that our kids look even cleaner and neater than we do, or someone's bound to think we only care about ourselves, and let our kids run around looking trashy.
It's a tough order to fill! Good thing I don't even try.
Oh, I know exactly what you mean! My pastor's wife took me clothes shopping when I got pregnant with DS, so I had lots of cute maternity clothes for church, but hardly anything else. I still have most of what she bought me, and I know that my MIL was giving me the hairy eyeball because she thought I was out shopping while DH was losing his job. The only reason DS had anything to wear is that a friend from church lent me bags and bags of her son's barely worn clothing, and my MIL is still asking where all the clothes were that I bought for DS! Clueless!!!!
Originally Posted by ediesmom
and i have learned from experience how to shop for my very nice clothes. consignment shops, thrift stores....clearance racks. and a few very good items are better than a bunch of junk.
Clearance racks. . .
I got a pair of dress shoes for DS last week for $7.36!!!!
I actually showed off a bit to MIL (to set her straight
) while she was helping me put out the new BB's clothes. It gave me great satisfaction to tell her that the outfits she asked about in an 'isn't that needlessly expensive' tone of voice, cost me $3.99!
Isn't that awful of me?! I'm not a freegan, and sometimes the thought of wearing other people's clothes kind of grosses me out, so I do shop mostl clearance, and I'd rather do without for a little while till I find what I want at the price that I want, so I have some very nice stuff that I paid very little for.
I hate feeling like I have to justify anything to anyone.
Anyway- sending off Medicaid paperwork tomorrow. . . keep your fingers crossed for us! I'm off bed rest, they said we're OK to wait for labor to start naturally. Yay!!