SAHP's Using Public Assistance - Page 5

[ishereal]

Ok I'm joining this tribe.

[damona]

Originally Posted by mammal_mama

"Subliminally" means it's not straight-out or obvious coercion. Here in America, most people are never forced to use contraception, or to abort. But there's tremendous social pressure directed toward some women and girls -- not always by the government, but by family and friends -- maybe even by prospective fathers.

i hate getting into a discussion and then not having internet access!:

anyway. i needed to comment on this. it's so very, very, true. it's now regarded as the woman's responsibility to use protection. a lot of men i know won't even buy their own dang condoms anymore because "that's my gf/wife's responsibility"!!!!!!!

and as for the subtle and unspoken pressure to limit the number of children one has, especially if one is receiving assistance... oh it is very real. when i was pg with #4 i heard from everyone i know "oh, i hope this is your last!" "you know you can't afford anymore kids, why didn't you abort?" "why do you want more kids?" etc, etc, etc, ad nauseum. i let myself be convinced that i shouldn't have anymore children, and when i was told that i needed an emergency c-section... i told the dr i wanted my tubes tied while he was at it. dumbest thing i ever did in my life. i have regretted it from the minute i woke up after the surgery. i don't care how poor we are, i love my boys with my entire being, and i never believed before that artificial means of bc were a good idea (other than condoms. i mean, permanent or hormonal forms, but that's just me), yet i let myself get convinced that this was really the only option.

anyway.

i've been the girl in the brand new car picking up stuff from the food pantry. it was my mom's car. i didn't have one. and i got a dirty look from the worker that was helping me load the boxes into that car. i felt compelled to explain why i was driving a brand new car, which irritated me. what diff does it make? and was it really any of his business? nope, but i had to explain it.

i recently found out about a food co-op type thingfor those of us in wi, and parts of mi and northern il. www.sharewi.org and they take the ebt card!

[heidirk]

The link janerose posted had a story about a tubal ligation reversal. . .

Maybe you'd be a good candidate?


DH and I agreed shortly after we got married that we would never have either one get 'fixed' if we thought we were done. The thought that something would happen to me, and DH would meet another mate, and that she would not be able to concieve children by him if she wanted to made me really upset. The opposite idea (something would happen to DH) made me feel sick. For us, having babies is part of our love.

I'm crying now, darnit. . .

[magentamomma]

As soon as we found out we were having #4 we were asked when dh was getting "snipped", ecspecially when it turned out to be a boy after 3 girls. Men brag to me about how they got snipped(most popular word choice around here) and how they took care of the problem of having more kids. There is a strong attitude of limiting family size... especially for those of us on assisitance. My SIL and BIL really think we are crazy. SIL will make comments about it frequently.

[transformed]

Originally Posted by magentamomma

As soon as we found out we were having #4 we were asked when dh was getting "snipped", ecspecially when it turned out to be a boy after 3 girls. Men brag to me about how they got snipped(most popular word choice around here) and how they took care of the problem of having more kids. There is a strong attitude of limiting family size... especially for those of us on assisitance. My SIL and BIL really think we are crazy. SIL will make comments about it frequently.

My FIL asked if he could pay for dh to get snipped after only one child! LOL.

Then again after each new child.

Still hasnt gotten snipped.

After ONE child.

[transformed]

What should I google if I am looking for assistance? I know how to get food stamps, but for other programs...in my area. ???

[magentamomma]

your local DHS office should have the forms for most assisitance. Also charities in the yellow pages. That should give you at least one food bank, and they will able to point you in the direction of others, or just call your local Salvation Army. we have only needed this sort of thing o couple of times but it is good to know.

[mammal_mama]

Welcome, transformed and ishereal! -- plus any other newbies I may have missed!

I'm glad to see our discussion is still going strong!

[janerose]

Originally Posted by transformed

What should I google if I am looking for assistance? I know how to get food stamps, but for other programs...in my area. ???

I usually Google for my state's name & whatever benefit I'm trying to find. So, HEAP, WIC, food stamps, medicaid, etc.

You can also contact the above offices & see if they have a list of local programs that are available. I know at our WIC office we are given a list of all the local human services organizations to refer clients to when they inquire.

Good luck!

[transformed]

Originally Posted by janerose

I usually Google for my state's name & whatever benefit I'm trying to find. So, HEAP, WIC, food stamps, medicaid, etc.

You can also contact the above offices & see if they have a list of local programs that are available. I know at our WIC office we are given a list of all the local human services organizations to refer clients to when they inquire.

Good luck!

oh ok, yeah because I am thinking "outside" of govt stuff.

we dont qualify for squat right now, but dh is in real estate and changin careers so we will need it when we move. like alot probably.

[momto3wantingmore]

New here :thumb

Mom to 3 with #4 due in dec. My oldest is going to be 13 next month and I learned a long time ago why I will always be a stay at home mom or my DP will be a stay at home dad. I get help paying my rent every month, food stamps and medical. I would get also receive cash when DP isn't working but here they require both parents to attend a stupid class to look for a job. I will not put my children in daycare. My son was a daycare child till he was 6. When he was 2 he was in a daycare center and he either had something happen to him or he saw something happen to another child/children. When he talked about having his hands duck taped and asking if he was going to be locked in the bathroom for being bad I pulled him out. I managed to find an in home daycare from a nieghbor and we loooved her. We moved too far away to continue using her and when my son was 5 and in kindrgarden and I was working I had to find another provider and again tried to find a homey in home provider again. I ended up walking out on my job and pulling my son out of that center after he told me that the husband had been spanking my son with his belt. I then moved him to another center for about 9 months while I worked as an MA (medical assistant) once that job was over I have just stayed home. I will not subject my kids to stay with anyone other then my BFF/sister or my mom or his parents. That would be the only way I would go back to work and even then only part time. But they all have their own jobs so they aren't available. Anyway so yes to me it is important to have someone(myself or DP or close family) with my children when I can not but don't see myself going back to work for a few years at least but planning on being a DEM so lots of book work first lol. Glad to know there are other momma's who don't mind using when they need it.

[momto3wantingmore]

Originally Posted by transformed

What should I google if I am looking for assistance? I know how to get food stamps, but for other programs...in my area. ???

I don't know if this is only a local thing or a national thing so you may want to check it out. Here we can dial 211 its free and its a comunity resorce line where you can get lots of info. Also Churches/DHS office/WIC office maybe even you CP/Peds office may have a sheet of local non profit org. like Salvation army ect that can give you lots of info. 2 years ago we used salvation army to get help with christmas food and presents and my son got selected with 100 other kids to go christmas shopping with the "shop with a cop" program. So there is a lot out there. Food, utilities,rent,clothes furniture ect. HTH

[heidirk]

I figured I'd share this here;

We figured out a way to pay off a large chunk of our credit card debt. We'll be doing that as soon as possible.

I just got a call from one of the School Districts DH applied to. He applied last night, after speaking to one of the human resources rep. The dates for the position had actually closed, but she told him they had not filled the position. He was only able to send a partial app, via email, and was planning on faxing the rest later today, but she called already, to say they had reveiwed the application packet, and wanted to schedule an interveiw!!!!!

This is a huge answer to prayer, just to get an interveiw, but if he actually gets the job, that would mean half the fuel money each week, plus a raise. Right now he works for the lowest paying SD in PA. If we can also get rid of some debt, well- things may actually be looking up for us!

[TefferTWH]

Originally Posted by Satori

huh? Birth control is very empowering for women, it allows us the CHOICE of when and if to become pregnant and not something that we have no choice in.

So you don't know anyone who became pregnant on ABC? I know many women who have gotten pregnant on the pill, patch, IUD, etc. Truly abstinence is the only way to 100% prevent unwanted pregnancies because we all know that BC has a failure rate, even used correctly all the time. It's a myth that being on BC will absolutely prevent unwanted pregnancy.

Originally Posted by heidirk

I personally don't beleive birth control empowered women at all. WHat it did was free men from the responsibility of becoming fathers. It is now the woman's responsibility to avoid getting 'knocked up'. It has gone so far, that my own father hinted that I might have 'accidentally on purpose' gotten pregnant again without my husband's full consent. Now, you'd have to know my Dad to understand why he thought that, but there it is.

This applies to our own thread too, because society says, 'Oh, women have it so much better now because they can have a career if they so choose.
But we don't have a true choice, we are expected (that subtle societal expectation) to work, or if we do not, we are expected not to need help.

We are not allowed the choice to go against society's expectations for a normal family. I cannot accept my society's ideas on who should work, how many children we should have, and who should be raising my kids.

AMEN!

I am not using assistance, but I have to say how overburdened our system is. One of my best friends has a debilitating disease and will probably never be able to work again. She has been trying to get disability benefits for 8 months now, and she's got another 20 months to go on the wait list before they will even consider her case. Meanwhile, she's had numerous shut-off notices and has had to make the tough decision of whether to buy groceries or her meds (she cannot live without them) several times. More than likely, they will lose their house and become totally dependent on assistance since the savings are gone and her enormous medical bills eat up all of their income. If the system was more prompt, the interest wouldn't add up and they would be able to live within their means frugally. He makes too much to qualify for other programs, despite the fact that every cent disappears into th chasm of debt incurred because they can't pay it off. As it is, they aren't going to make it.

[happyhats]

I'm sorry to hear about your friend, Teffer.

Its been discussed that sometimes we feel judged for being on public assistance, but I was wondering if anyone on here ever feels any guilt. I don't feel guilty per say, but there are times that I am doing something fun/nonnecessary and I ask myself if I should/do I deserve to, when I am on assistance. Am I making sense? How do you decide how frugal to be without totally depriving yourself? My hubby and I go out to eat a couple times a month, and other than that we really don't spend our money on anything non necessity wise other than a visit to the thrift store or buying something for the new baby (who can resist?). I suppose in my case, a lot of it comes from being raised by a very frugal family that didn't really go out much at all/treat themselves much until I was older. so yeah, there's a part of me that sees my belongings or has treated myself and then says, "I shouldn't have done that..I can't even afford to pay my heating bill/go to the doctor without help, etc." (I'm also sure a lot of this has to do with being pregnant and the mood swings that comes with it, lol) So I was just wondering if there is anyone that feels the same, and how you deal with those emotions.

[transformed]

I dont feel guilt. at all.

[mammal_mama]

momto3wantingmore -- welcome and congratulations on your new little one! I'm so sorry about your experiences with childcare. I did lots of childcare work before starting my own family -- and while I never witnessed the abuses your dear son was talking about, I just knew that when I had my own kids, I wanted to be at home with them.

heidirk -- let us know about the interview! That sounds exciting ... my dh is interviewing today, for a new position in the company he works for. There would be no pay-increase, but he thinks he'll be eligible for higher bonuses.

happyhats -- I'm sorry you're feeling guilt sometimes! I don't, and I hope you find a way to work through it.

[mammal_mama]

Originally Posted by TefferTWH

So you don't know anyone who became pregnant on ABC? I know many women who have gotten pregnant on the pill, patch, IUD, etc. Truly abstinence is the only way to 100% prevent unwanted pregnancies because we all know that BC has a failure rate, even used correctly all the time. It's a myth that being on BC will absolutely prevent unwanted pregnancy.

Welcome, Teffer!

I know quite a few women who've become pregnant while using artificial birth-control. On the package-inserts for hormonal birth-control, it explains that sometimes breakthrough ovulation occurs -- only the artificial hormones are supposed to create a uterine climate wherein it's less likely that the baby will be able to successfully implant in the uterine wall, and therefore it's less likely that the pregnancy will continue.

Sometimes, though, the baby/pregnancy manages to thrive in spite of the hormonal birth-control (and pregnancies also manage to thrive sometimes with IUDs in place, and of course condoms and other barrier-methods also fail sometimes).

When this happens, the same people who got the mother started with her hormonal (or other) birth-control, are ready and willing to discuss her further options.

Most of the women I know who got pregnant on abc, went on to have their babies and are very happy that they did.

[Ruthla]

Originally Posted by TefferTWH

One of my best friends has a debilitating disease and will probably never be able to work again. She has been trying to get disability benefits for 8 months now, and she's got another 20 months to go on the wait list before they will even consider her case. Meanwhile, she's had numerous shut-off notices and has had to make the tough decision of whether to buy groceries or her meds (she cannot live without them) several times. More than likely, they will lose their house and become totally dependent on assistance since the savings are gone and her enormous medical bills eat up all of their income. If the system was more prompt, the interest wouldn't add up and they would be able to live within their means frugally. He makes too much to qualify for other programs, despite the fact that every cent disappears into th chasm of debt incurred because they can't pay it off. As it is, they aren't going to make it.

Mi SSI was 24+ monhs b4 appoval. (ki boad acing up)

[heidirk]

Ruthla- I see what you mean aboput your undead keyboeard!


Anyway, I did feel guilty when I was purchasing new clothes for the comeing LO. I waited for my family to help with DS, and as a consequence, he had almost nothing to wear. Now, don't get me wrong, God provided for us, a friend from church whose son is almost a year older than DS lent us bag after bag of comfy warm clothes for him. He would have been nudie without her generosity.

So this time when the income tax return came, I told DH that I was using it all for the baby, and I did use most of it. But comeing home with bags of new outfits when we were waiting for food bank day felt very strange. Our debt has stolen a lot of the joy I wanted to feel for this new little life.
So I guess i'm with you Happyhats. I'm afraid I just don't deal with it. :

Teffer- I'm sorry about your friend, Our disability system in the country is something else that needs major overhaul.