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Originally Posted by Kylahroo  Maya, if you don't mind my asking, what are your dh's arguments for having only one child? I'm actually mostly curious about his arguments from the child's perspective, as I can assume the ones from his perspective are mostly financially related.
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Actually, DH has two other children; one son whom he does not have custody of (and has no visitation whatsoever) and whom he misses terribly everyday, and one son of whom we have full custody as of last year. DH raised his second son all on his own and eventually, when DSS' mother came back into the picture, they established shared custody. DSS is now 11, and I've known him and helped raise him since he was 6.
I think the main reason DH doesn't want more kids is because he started having children quite young (the first was an accident and he constantly talks about how poorly he handled the situation with the child's mother, who is now deceased), and he felt that he "missed out" on certain parts of his life because of his choices. He says he doesn't want to be in his 50s and 60s raising a teenager.
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Originally Posted by Kylahroo Dh and I have talked about only children quite a bit as we've watched the little girl next door grow up as an only child. She is so lonely all of the time, it's very sad. And she doesn't know how to play with our kids - she finds us all a bit overwhelming, I think! Obviously, this is just one family and one situation, but we honestly cannot find any pro to being an "only".
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I have to agree with you since I'm an only child; I did benefit from lots of extra attention but then again, I found that my parents were quite a bit controlling of my life and had trouble letting go in my early adulthood. I was also very lonely, and had trouble making friends because I loved playing on my own. I'm still quite the loner!
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Originally Posted by Kylahroo I also think having only one child is very hard on the parents as the child is likely to require more attention from mom/dad than if they had a sibling to share that attention. If our first had been an only, dh and I would be exhausted by now trying to keep her constantly entertained!! The fact that she has siblings to be with is what keeps us sane.  |
Again, I agree with you. In a way, when DSS is with us, he's an only child (his biomom had twin girls and his stepdad has a daughter). He's gotten used to the perks and benefits of our exclusive attention, and sometimes he expects it. Also, because DH raised DSS alone for over 2 years, it forged this extremely strong bond between them and I find that DSS is not able to entertain himself by himself. He constantly asks us to do things with him; it's a neediness I don't understand. I was always a self-sufficient kid and DSS' attitude sometime throws me. Thankfully though, he's lived with sibblings before and seeing as he's closer to adolescence now, he's looking forward to taking on the role of big brother. As for Alia, I hope she's able to socialize with children her age. I don't want her to grow up being as dependent on adult stimulation as her brother...
I'm impressed with his willingness to do something that drastic for the sake of our sex life (a lot of men tend to feel threatened by the Big V), but it seems too soon to decide. We've agreed to hold off on doing anything permanent, mostly for my sake, but DH says he definitely doesn't want more children.
I thin it's just about seperating that real desire for more children from the sadness of leaving an era YK?
