Just curious: Did you and SO agree/disagree about vaccines?

[Skippy918]

Hi all. I'm a bit new here and I'm glad I found this board. DH and I are having a slight disagreement over what to do about vaxes. I'm leaning towards selective/delaying although the arguments for non sound appealing as well. DH is more of the mindset that the vax schedule was put together like that for a reason. Then again he hasn't read anything about vaxes yet. He has been meaning to read The Vaccine Book though.

So if you and your SO disagreed, how did you reach a compromise? Thanks!

[Ophelia]

Well, DH and I have had uh, let's just say it's more than a slight disagreement. I didn't know a lot about vaccines when DS was newborn, but I knew enough not to get the HepB at birth, and begged him to hold off on others until we could learn more. He refused and bullied/forced the 2, 4, 6, 9, and 12mo shots on DS and DS had a bad reaction to 2mo but he insisted on keeping going, believing the nurse when she said reaction was 'normal' :

I've been going to counseling for well over a year now and this is one of the main issues and it still is not resolved. I don't know if DS will have any long-term issue from the shots, so far he's fine but there's just no way to predict. I also do not know how I am going to resolve with myself how I was bullied and forced into it. We are supposed to be trying for another baby too

So, I guess it depends on how stubborn your DH is. One thing that has really helped us so far is to watch the Dr. Jay Gordon vaccinations video together. This did open his eyes to a few things, but there is still a lot more about vaccines that is not talked about in the video that concern me. When the subject comes up, I do end up sending him things via email, but he seems to ignore them. Once he said that they are studies that are too much to read but most of what I send him is not so I think he is just ignoring the issue and sticking his head in the sand. He won't read any books.

I have a lot of helpful links on my webpage that you can check also.

[bellababy]

I wouldn't say that my DH and I disagreed, I think I was just so much more of a hound for research and information.

At first we delayed all vax, and after 6 months, decided not to vax at all, ever. Though I didn't have to fight with DH, and he actually became more and more supportive with more information, I can pass along one VERY important piece of advice.

You can delay and delay and delay until you feel you have enough information to make an educated decision, together. But once you choose to vaccinate, what's done is done, and can never be undone. Does that make sense?

What I'm saying is, at least agree to delay until you can both feel comfortable with the decision you come to. Don't let yourself be victim to hindsight.

Good luck.

PS- here's the argument that worked with my DH, and helped us cut through the volumes of info on vax. I printed out a list of ingredients used in vaccines. I said to DH... 'if these things were lined up on the table right now, would you let DS ingest them??' case closed.

[DreamsInDigital]

My DH trusted me and my ability to research and make an informed decision. He stands behind the decision not to vax 100%. I presented him with my findings, showed him things like the CDC website and VAERS, articles in Mothering, the book Just a Little Prick, etc. It sort of helps a little that I had 2 children I had not vaxed already when we met so it was my living proof that unvaxed children are healthy.

The funny thing is, now he is a complete convert to non-vaxing and even tells others around us about the risks of vaxing.

[CanidFL]

When I first started reading, DH did not agree with me. He thought I was crazy. Then we watched Dr. Sherri Tenpenny’s video and his whole attitude changed. He said we could delay till 2 years. Then we met the ped who supported my decision and when DH said “we are going to vax once he’s 2”. The ped said “no need! They are full of toxins and linked to all this ADD, autism and more”. Now, I keep DH up to date on the info and let him know when I hear something appalling or read a good anti vax book. He is now very anti vax and actually talks about it with people in public.

Check out these vides with DH

http://video.google.com/videoplay?do...40451107552&q=

http://video.google.com/videoplay?do...87981735&hl=en

IMO, you need to be on the same page. Not vaxing is very stressful if partners don’t agree.

[alegna]

Dh trusts me and trusts my research. I shared with him as I went. We are 100% on the same page.

-Angela

[T&D2005]

We disagreed at first until I started pointing out facts and researching. I got out book from the library and I did many searches for studies that were not widely talked about. The more I found out, the more things came together for me.
I have always been skeptical of pesticides and their ingredients~ this was the same type of thing. I won't eat harmful chemicals that can cause all sorts of issues so why would I inject them?
Bottom line- DH is now more anti-vax than I am.. I suggested getting the rubella vax if we ever had a girl and we almost had a huge fight over it. We came to an agreement to wait until she was born to discuss it- even then she wouldn't get it until she was much older if she did get it (I'm not even pg nor to I plan to be right now)

[T&D2005]

Originally Posted by CanidFL

When I first started reading, DH did not agree with me. He thought I was crazy. Then we watched Dr. Sherri Tenpenny’s video and his whole attitude changed. He said we could delay till 2 years. Then we met the ped who supported my decision and when DH said “we are going to vax once he’s 2”. The ped said “no need! They are full of toxins and linked to all this ADD, autism and more”. Now, I keep DH up to date on the info and let him know when I hear something appalling or read a good anti vax book. He is now very anti vax and actually talks about it with people in public.

Check out these vides with DH

http://video.google.com/videoplay?do...40451107552&q=

http://video.google.com/videoplay?do...87981735&hl=en

IMO, you need to be on the same page. Not vaxing is very stressful if partners don’t agree.

Very good links!

[philomom]

You know, there are two people in a marriage. Sometimes both will have strong opinions on child-rearing. Shots was one of the battles I "lost". My dh wanted the kids to have all their shots. As a compromise, I had the kids done on a slow schedule, but they did get them all.

Now, years later, my dh has read "Evidence of Harm" by Kirby and acknowledges that my gut feelings were correct and I protected my children the best I could given his wishes. My kids came up for some boosters recently and I was able to decline with my dh's full support because he had come around to my point of view.

Like I said... two people make a marriage!

[StephandOwen]

Since ds is my bio-child and not dp's bio-child, he didn't have much say when we first started dating BUT, he trusted my instincts/thoughts as a mama and listened to all of my concerns/research/etc. He is now fully on the same page as I am.

[alegna]

Originally Posted by philomom

You know, there are two people in a marriage. Sometimes both will have strong opinions on child-rearing. Shots was one of the battles I "lost". My dh wanted the kids to have all their shots. As a compromise, I had the kids done on a slow schedule, but they did get them all.

Now, years later, my dh has read "Evidence of Harm" by Kirby and acknowledges that my gut feelings were correct and I protected my children the best I could given his wishes. My kids came up for some boosters recently and I was able to decline with my dh's full support because he had come around to my point of view.

Like I said... two people make a marriage!

Eh, that wouldn't fly with me. i wouldn't put my kids at risk because dh is slow to research. If he had read the info and STILL wanted to discuss/argue- maybe. But no research, then their vote can't overrule the person who HAS researched.

-Angela

[rmzbm]

Originally Posted by alegna

Eh, that wouldn't fly with me. i wouldn't put my kids at risk because dh is slow to research. If he had read the info and STILL wanted to discuss/argue- maybe. But no research, then their vote can't overrule the person who HAS researched.

-Angela

For real. I cannot imagine doing something to my kids I KNOW is harmful to make my husband happy. No way.

[DreamsInDigital]

Originally Posted by alegna

Eh, that wouldn't fly with me. i wouldn't put my kids at risk because dh is slow to research. If he had read the info and STILL wanted to discuss/argue- maybe. But no research, then their vote can't overrule the person who HAS researched.

-Angela

:

[Mirzam]

100%, we are both against vaccination. DH knew about the vax issues long before I did, before we were married and had children.

[swissmom]

The "usual" story with us: I had a bad feeling about vaxing and urged DH to delay the 2 months round. He was okay with delaying this time since he trusted the pediatricians and government schedules and wanted to go on with it. But I researched night and day and presented him with more and more info. It was a battle to convince him, but he's now on the same page with me. The facts speak for themselves... I think DH is even more proud of me for daring to question and speak out against mainstream practices

[CanidFL]

Originally Posted by alegna

Eh, that wouldn't fly with me. i wouldn't put my kids at risk because dh is slow to research. If he had read the info and STILL wanted to discuss/argue- maybe. But no research, then their vote can't overrule the person who HAS researched.

-Angela

For sure. This is an issue I wouldn’t have budged on unless he could convince me otherwise with evidence. Which once you start researching, you all know isn't possible

[swissmom]

Dear philomom, I can understand that you feel hurt. I am convinced that no mama on this forum wants to hurt you. We are just convinced that when it comes to vaxing, having an opinion is not enough, it's even dangerous. Facts are all that count. Having done all the research on vaxing myself, I quickly understood that in this case, I have to stand up to DH. Because I didn't have an opinion anymore, I had information which he didn't have. As I said, DH now is grateful that I didn't give in to him.

[alegna]

I don't understand how it's hurtful to stand strong to do what you feel is right for your children. I would not circumcise a child, no matter what dh wanted. I would not vax simply because dh thought we should. Yes, he is a parent and has a say. BUT I would never do something I truly felt was wrong and harmful to my children just to "keep the peace" or give him his say.

I could never forgive myself.

And what's more, he would never forgive me if I allowed him to do something harmful when I knew better.

-Angela

[Gitti]

Originally Posted by Skippy918

... the vax schedule was put together like that for a reason.

Find out that reason.

[CanidFL]

I’m sorry you are feeling hurt. When it comes to vaccines, compromising is just not an option for many of us. Yes, I am married and DH has an opinion but when it comes to the health of our child, I do not compromise.

The OP is asking about how we reached compromises and the vast majority of us did the research on our own and convinced our partners to not vax through that research. If you and your DH decided to compromise on a delayed schedule then that is your choice. It doesn’t sound like you are happy with the choice you made. It sounds like your DH came around eventually and maybe you are feeling some guilt for not standing up for what you believed? Maybe you are feeling hurt by our comments because it hit a sore spot by your choice?

I was also intimidated when I started in the vax board and got my head chewed off a few times. Now I love these moms for setting the record straight when I said things that were just not true or even offensive :