Anybody had a crappy Mommy Helper XPOSTED in SAHM

[dex_millie]

Hi, I have a mommy helper that is just not working. Her mother contact me about her daughter wanting to work because she is 14 and cannot legally get a job. I meet them and decided to go ahead w/ it, it is only for the summer time. But I can't wait until the summer is over or I am going to tell her don't worry coming back.

Issues: She is a non-talking, no emotions persons. I mean she is just there. She rarely talks to DS, she would stick out her hand or do a gesture for him to come or get something. DS is so bored that he keeps coming to me and she would just sit or stand there doing NOTHING. I have to say 'see if he wants to play w/ the blocks' she opens it and just sits there quitely w/ the blocks. I have told her 'not to worry about making noises, it doesn't bother me I am just doing data entry and DS needs to hear words, he is going on 21months and doesn't really talk (he has a few words and tries, sounds like in a few months he will get it more). She tried for a couple days and even that was like 8 words in the day.
I always have to get up and get DS back in the mood for playing, simple things like telling him 'lets kick ball' then we are kicking, playing and running. I turn him over and she just stands there w/ him says nothing and gently touch the ball w/ her foot, DS has lost all interest and is back on my case.

I don't know what else to say as I don't like confrontation (I know I should still confront her some more) I am just not good at it at all. I have already told her about the talking and told her that all he wants is someone to play with, treat him like you would your nephew (which was mentioned in the interview as a resource that she is good w/ toddlers).

I had an other MH helper before her..A 50 year lady and she was GREAT...she would talk to him, run up and down with him. DS NEVER came to me unless he wanted to nurse and then he was off. He would run up to the lady and take her all over the house(she was only temperory until she found a FT job). His attitude towards this new one is completely different.

Other issues for example..DS is basically potty trained but when he is really upset or too excited he would pee himself sometimes. One time he did it and I notice his pants was wet when I got up there was pee right there on the carpet...She said NOT one word to me. The other time..DS took up the potty, brought it close to where I was sitting, sat on it..then I notice him (she was right there looking at him) as soon as I stooped down by him he started peeing (he goes back and forth about coming to me to take off his cloths and just sitting on the potty w/ them). Why didn't she just tell me... instead of standing there like a 'moo moo'

Then this week she was to work Wed - Frid. As she was leaving she was like 'are you paying me today' - oh you can talk now - I told her well since she coming fri. that is when u will get it. Her 'I can't come on friday'. Well why the ef didn't you just say so, I didn't know

I still get some work done..but the whole situation is crazy to me.

Let me stop typing because this is turning into a book. Bless your heart if you read all of this.
Should I just let her go? Dh tell me to say 'it isn't working' or 'we wouldn't need you after next week'. We are going on vacation the 25th of July to the 4th of August and then she will have 2 more weeks to work, but I am wondering if I could deal w/ it or just let her go.

TIA
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[deuxceleste]

Aww... those 14 year olds. Have you thought about spending a weekend day with her and your DC, just out? To the park, etc., to kind of "train" her in how DC likes to be talked to, played with, interacted with? It might help loosen her up- at 14 she's probably worried about her next cell phone call, and who's posting on her MySpace account.

You could also just outright ask her if she feels comfortable in your house. I know it's nothing YOU are doing wrong- but maybe the babysitting thing just isn't her cup of tea. I know when I was that age (too many moons ago) I hated babysitting, because I wasn't in my own house, not my own food, nobody to talk to, (and then there was this one dad who totally freaked me out, but that's a different story.)

If it all comes down to it, talk to her mama. Maybe mom can have a little chat with her that doesn't put you in the middle of a sticky situation where mom may accuse you of being rude to her daughter, etc.

Just my two cents. Hope it helps.

[E.V. Lowi]

Let her go- her heart's not in it. There are plenty of 14 yo who would do a much better job of it than this. : Just tell her it's not working out.

[koofie]

If you are up to it, try to ask her how she feels about it and then tell her your observations. If not, tell her you won't need her after the 25th. It doesn't sound like she is into it. I was a mother's helper at 10 and it sounds like I was able to entertain more.

[Mama Dragon]

I'd probably just let her go, nicely, by saying I just don't need her anymore after X date.

[dex_millie]

thanks for the replies,

I am going to tell her not to bother come back after the 24th. It is just not worth it to me to have her around.

[nursingmom]

Better to let her go. There are so many other little helpers who are fantastic. One girl in my neighborhood used to be a helper for mom with triplet toddlers. She would play with them, talk to them, and change their poopy diapers even without being asked... at 9 years old! She's now 11 years old. She's in Gift and Talented school program... so, very bright, mature for such young age. You can always find a girl like that somewhere.

[capagrl]

I have, I have!

Oh gosh, yes! I think you & I practically had the exact same helper!! Mine is my next door neighbor who is 18 and... well, frankly, worthless in the capacity in which I needed her. I went through the exact same thing with her as whatyou're describing!!

I didn't know how to face it either, but my regular employer cut my hours pretty dramatically in April, so that was finally my "out" in getting rid of her, just telling her I didn't have enough income to justify having her here (semi-true, but had she been *worth* what I was paying her, I'd have probably cut spending elsewhere to keep her on board!).

I agree with letting her go and then maybe trying again. As you've already experienced, some are naturally great with kids. Find one of them again